Sunday, June 19, 2016

this is a lot of traveling for a homebody

Last Thursday I went down the shore.  

I was there until Sunday, when I stopped at home to unpack and repack my suitcase for a work trip on Monday morning.  The work trip took me to the Pocono Mountains, and I took advantage of some beautiful hiking trails before and after my seminars.

  The scenery was quite the juxtaposition from the conference, which was at an African themed resort.

I got home on Friday night, and tomorrow morning I leave for a girls trip to Washington D.C. with my mom and sister.  We get back on Thursday and then I round out the month of travel with one more long weekend down the shore.

And then I will come home and never leave again because I am a girl who likes to be home, and after this month, I've almost forgotten my address.

Although I'll admit these trips have been pretty fun, and I've covered all the bases.  Beach, mountains, city, and African safari.  

If only I could arrange to have these views and that gorilla statue at my house.

Sunday, June 12, 2016

i've learned my lesson

Due to a surplus of vacation days that have to be used by the end of the month, I had off on Thursday and Friday, so I took advantage of the long weekend and my in-laws' empty beach house and took off Thursday morning for a few days down the shore. 

It was glorious.  I read five books, took a million walks, and ate cheese and crackers for every meal.  

The beach was so breezy that I wore my sweatshirt three out of four days, and on Saturday I even traded in my shorts for a pair of capris.

And that's where I went wrong.

Like a total beach novice, I did not put sunscreen on my lower legs, ankles, and feet because I foolishly figured since 80% of them were covered, I'd be fine.

I was not fine.

After I finished my book, I took a little snooze, and when I woke up my lower legs were burning with the heat of a thousand suns.

I could almost see the heat emanating from them.

I am not kidding when I say I think you could've cracked an egg on my shin and fried it.

When I got back to the house I put on a generous application of aloe and some cold compresses, which is a routine I've repeated regularly over the last 24 hours.  The pain is decreasing but I still can't really get a shoe on, so that's going to make my fancy work conference tomorrow very interesting.

My sister has a twitter account where she posts songs that correspond to her current situation.  

They always make me laugh, so I figured I'd give it a try for my current situation.

Maybe Rod could send me some aloe.

Thursday, June 9, 2016

at least my hair looks fantastic

After a full weekend, I went to bed at 11:00 on Sunday night and slept the sleep of angels until I was awakened by an unbelievable noise at 1:14 a.m.  My startled brain obviously jumped to the worst conclusion.  My eyes blinked wide open and I laid there in complete fear for three seconds before I said to Matt, “Did you hear that?”

“Yes, I did,” he said.

Since he’s never one to volunteer any extra information or thoughts, even in the face of a middle-of-the-night terror, I pressed him, “Well, what do you think it sounded like?”

“I think it sounded like someone breaking into our house,” he said very matter of factly.

Let me pause and say I don’t know why someone would break into a house where the owner has an NRA – LIFETIME MEMBER bumper sticker on his F-150 in the driveway, but I don't pretend to understand the thoughts of a burglar.

With that, Matt slid out of bed and prepared to canvas the house, while naturally I stayed under the covers with the numbers 9-1-1 typed into my phone so I could hit the call button immediately if I heard a ruckus.

Matt tiptoed around the second floor, and then I heard the stairs creak as he went downstairs.

He returned a few minutes later and said, “Well, I didn’t see anything.”

“Nothing?!” I said.  “You checked all the doors and windows?  You’re sure?  I can’t just go back to sleep now.  Something made that noise and I have to know what it was.”

“I really don’t know what it could’ve been,” Matt said, “Unless it was your shower thing again.”

He opened the bathroom door, and lo and behold, it was the indeed my shower thing again. 

On the positive side, at least I know Matt is man who doesn’t balk in fear at checking on things that go bump in the night.

However, the heavy duty shower shelf I bought after the April "incident" apparently isn't all that heavy duty after all.  I either need to find some industrial suction cups or an alternate plan to contain my beauty products, because if I don't, that shower caddy is going to get even heavier when I add the hair dye I'm going to need to cover the grays I'm getting from all of these imagined break ins!

Monday, June 6, 2016

keep up the good work, june

Well, the only thing that could've made this weekend better is if it was three days.

Oh wait, thanks to an excess of vacation days that have to be used by the end of the month, it was.

On Friday my sister, my aunt, my cousin, and her baby came over for lunch.  After lunch my sister and I got pedicures and then wandered Target.  I got home just in time to find Matt in the kitchen making homemade pizza, so all in all Saturday and Sunday had a tough act to follow.

On Saturday morning I drank my coffee on the back porch and then we spent the day doing chores and running errands.  Then Matt and I settled in to enjoy the gorgeous evening on the back patio and ended up sitting there for SIX HOURS.  We sat down at 5:00 and didn't come in until 11, and I am not kidding when I say I came incredibly close to bringing my pillow outside and sleeping there.

However, we'd spent the better part of the day finishing our backyard chicken coop and moving a fake hawk statue around the yard to keep the bunnies away from eating the plants in our gardens and I didn't want the neighbors to think we'd completely lost our minds.

Sunday was rainy, but I got to visit Annabelle and made it back home before the worst of the storms arrived.

We sat on the back porch (are you sensing a theme here?) and watched the rain.  There's something you have to love about a summer thunderstorm, and the skies cleared up just in time for a Sunday night walk.

June, so far, so good.

Friday, June 3, 2016

time to buy stock in centrum silver

Matt leaves for the office every morning at 6:30 and typically gets home around 6:00 in the evening. He walks in that door at 6:00 looking every bit as spiffy and pressed and put together as he did when he walked out eleven and a half hours earlier.

I, on the other hand, leave for the office around 8 and by 11:30 my hair is flat, my makeup doesn't look nearly as good as I thought it did when I applied it three hours earlier, and I've gotten a run in my stockings.

I'm very conflicted about the issue of stockings because I know they're so 1993, but I cannot bring myself to put my bare feet in my high heels.

However, when Matt came home from work on Thursday night he didn't look like his normal spiffy self and I could immediately tell that something was wrong.

He walked into the kitchen and solemnly announced his hardship.

He had a stiff neck.

Dinner was just about ready so he VERY GINGERLY took his seat at the table.  He went to great lengths to bring fork all the way up his mouth so as to not bend his neck even a tiny bit, and even had to drink out of a straw.  Halfway through his pork chop there was a noise in the backyard and he turned slowly at his waist and looked off into the yard and said, "What's all that ruckus out there?"

And just like that I felt like my life fast forward about 60 years.

I was sympathetic to Matt's neck pain but when he started dramatically singing an original piece entitled "The Pain, The Suffering, The Agony" his histrionics made me laugh and even he could not keep a straight face.  He threw in a few musical terms and then we started talking about our musical pasts.

He played the saxophone for a few years and I was in the grade school choir.

And believe it or not I remembered quite a few songs from those grade school years, including but not limited to "One Small Step" and "Turn the Lights On!" COMPLETE WITH HAND MOTIONS.

I also remembered every word to a Latin song we sang in second grade at First Holy Communion, which is amazing to me because for the life of my I can't remember to buy milk at the store or the password to my email account, but I know every word to Jubilate Deo Omnis Terra Servite Domino in Laetitia from 20 years ago.

I performed a few grade school choir classics as we loaded the dishwasher.  The motions to One Small Step involved some foot stomping, and I think I stomped a bit too enthusiastically because I'm sorry to say my left foot has not been the same since Thursday night.

On the upside, my internal stockings conflict may be resolved because I think there might be an orthopedic boot in my future.

Tuesday, May 31, 2016

this is for the birds

Well, last weekend we visited Hell, but on Friday we felt like we were actually living there because it was a zillion degrees in our house.

It's one thing to buy a house in December and say, "No air conditioning? No problem!  We love the fresh air!" and it's quite another to try to sleep on May 27th when it was 94 degrees all day with 74% humidity and your bedroom will not cool down past 86 degrees.

Our house has one air conditioning wall unit in the family room and a very old one in the kitchen.  And by very old I mean it was manufactured during the first Regan administration.  

And it has wood paneling on the front.
However, it still works like a charm so obviously the GE engineers of 1984 were doing something right even if the decor and style were questionable.

Matt and I went to Wal Mart on Saturday to buy an air conditioner for our bedroom because we are weak and high maintenance and I'm a bear if I don't get 8 hours of solid sleep, but they only had one model left and it cost $400.00.  That's a high price to pay for a cool bedroom.

A Wal Mart employee told us that they restocked 260 air conditioners on Friday night and all but 4 were gone by Saturday morning.

We went next door to Lowe's and they had a plethora of appropriately priced air conditioners.  We bought one and also breezed through the lumber department for some more chicken coop supplies.

When we bought our chickens someone told us that our first dozen eggs will cost us a thousand dollars, and she was right.  This chicken coop is quickly approaching the short but prestigious list of valuable items we own, including my pearl necklace and our wedding rings.  I think we need to add a line item in our will for this chicken coop.

Luckily it's almost finished, because the girls are still in a box in the garage, but they're getting big. 

We came home from running errands a few weeks ago and Daisy was standing outside her Rubbermaid container looking in.  

She had literally flown the coop.

I bet she was too hot and looking for the land of air conditioning.

Friday, May 27, 2016

michigan part 2

We drove our Nissan Rogue back to the hotel on Friday night.  Also, if we had a dollar for every time someone said, "You're driving a Nissan in GM country?"  we could have afforded to buy the nicest GM vehicle in Pinckney.

Matt and I woke up bright and early on Saturday because apparently when you turn 27 you can't sleep in anymore, and decided to go for a walk in the hopes of finding some picturesque Michigan scenery.

This was the best we could do.

However, we did find a Dunkin' Donuts where I ordered an iced caramel coffee, so all was not lost.

We got back to the hotel and prepared for the main event.  Let me just tell you, there was no humility in that hotel room.  Matt and I kept walking back and forth past the mirror and complimented ourselves every single time.  We did one last mirror check before we left and Matt sighed and said, "It's just a real bummer I couldn't dress like a Secret Service agent."

Yes, because that's an appropriate getup for a casual backyard wedding.

We arrived to the wedding a whopping 45 minutes early, but thanks to the google we were able to discover that in just 5 minutes, we could go to hell.

Hell, Michigan.

And so we did.

And now I can officially say I've been to hell and back.  And hell consists of a gift shop, a saloon, a a surly biker gang.

I'm not kidding.  We left the car running while we literally ran out and took this picture because those bikers didn't look thrilled to have a car full of out of towners descending on their space.

The wedding itself was lovely.  The weather couldn't have been more perfect and it was small and simple.  Once the sun went down we sat around the fire and had s'mores.

We headed home on Sunday, and everything was going swimmingly until the TSA agent flagged me because my driver's license had my maiden name, but my boarding pass had my married name.  I have the license update card that reflects my name change, but the agent said anyone can make a piece of paper with a different name and they had to verify my identify.

And let me tell you.  That process took every bit of 45 minutes and by the end of it I was questioning my own identity.  A supervisor came over and called some phone number and I had to answer crazy  questions about myself for the person on the other line.  I don't know who the heck was on the other end of that phone call but they sure had an awful lot of intel about me.

If it hadn't been a rather serious situation I would have asked if they'd called my mom.

After the phone call, I had to go through a private screening, got the major pat down, and then they went through every single item I had with a fine tooth comb.  They even turned every single page of the books I had with me.  My only regret is that I forgot Matt had thrown his diabetes supplies in my purse, because it doesn't exactly look good when you assure the TSA agent you don't have anything sharp in your purse and she pulls out a bag of needles.


I have to say that every TSA person that screened me and my belongings was super nice, but super not messing around.  Luckily I was finally cleared and we headed home to Philadelphia.

I just bet the whole screening process would've been a lot faster if only Matt had been wearing his secret service agent outfit.

Next time.


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