Wednesday, February 27, 2013

it was like i was meant to order a second helping of mozzarella sticks

I worked a lot of overtime last week, so by the time Friday rolled around my supervisor said that as long as I was in the office for an 11:00 and a 1:30 meeting, I could take the rest of the day off.  When the first meeting was over, I turned off my computer, packed up my things, and set off on what I like to call a middle-of-the-daycation.  

I planned to take myself to Chick Fil A for lunch and then wander around the bookstore, but when I remembered it was a Friday in Lent and I couldn’t have meat, I decided to swing by Sonic for some mozzarella sticks instead.  

I parked, ordered, and ate.  I didn’t read or listen to the music or talk on the phone.  Just sat in silence and stared out the window at the cars driving by.  It was lovely.

And then it was time to go back to the office and I tried to turn my car on.

Nothing happened.

I performed a quick inventory of the situation and once I confirmed that the car was indeed in park and the key was in the ignition correctly, I realized, HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM.


It wasn’t cold, I was in a safe place, it was light outside, and I had nowhere urgent to be, so I didn’t really panic.  The situation ranked very low on the scale of ONE TO SERIOUS.  However, I'll admit that when the Progresssive operator ended our phone call with ‘HELP IS ON THE WAY,’ it added the air of drama that I so enjoy.

I decided to call Matt while I waited for the tow truck.  I explained my predicament and then Matt said, “Well, do you have a wrench in your car that you could use to pop the gear shift?”

Excuse me. Have we met?

A tow truck pulled up about ten minutes later, they plugged something into the hood of my car, and Old Blue purred like a kitten.

It turns out the battery had died.

Which would explain why my windows have been rolling up and down very slowly lately and sometimes the radio volume didn’t work.  Apparently those things are symptoms of a dying battery.

Now I know.

I drove straight home because I didn’t want to turn my car off anywhere else, and that’s when I called Matt and gave him the good news that HEY! WE HAVE FRIDAY NIGHT PLANS! REPLACING MY CAR BATTERY!”

And because Matt is fantastic and also secretly loves a little automotive drama, he came over on his way home from the office and we set to work changing the battery.  

And by “we” I obviously mean “he.” All I did was stand around and pontificate on the increasing price of dry cleaning and my thoughts on organic fruit.

And then Matt told me to start up my car, and so I did, with great success.

Tomorrow morning I’m driving two hours away for a work meeting with a co-worker.  I’m sure my car will be just fine, but in case we break down, I sure hope it’s near a Sonic.  


Thursday, February 21, 2013

technically, it was five o'clock somewhere

Well, it's Thursday night.  

And the heat in my apartment is working.

That may not seem like monumental news but I assure you that around here, it is.  I had to call my buddy Marv the Maintenance Man AGAIN last night due to a malfunctioning heater power head or as I like to call it, A VERY COLD APARTMENT.  

Luckily Marv saved the day.  I'm toasty warm once again and only wearing one layer of clothing as opposed to the two to three I wore last night.

If I could describe the weather right now in two words it would be "cold" and "dry."

The air is so dry that there is an impressive shock, COMPLETE WITH VISIBLE SPARKS, anytime I turn on a light switch.  A small firework of sorts, if you will.  I have started to touch light switches and our metal closet door handles with any object other than my hand.  So far my resourceful self has used a book, coffee mug, tv remote, slipper, shampoo bottle, and hairbrush in order to avoid a giant shock.

What can I say?

I'm electric.

Boogie woogie woogie.  

I've got to moooooove.  I'm goin' on a party ride...

Where was I?

Due to the aforementioned freezing, dry air, I liberally applied about half a tube of Bath and Body Works lotion before work on Tuesday morning.

And then I promptly got in my car and drove straight to the county courthouse.  On Tuesdays I spend all day in court.  Fear not, this isn't because I have an illustrious felonious record, but rather because I am a paralegal and I have to do things like talk to lawyers before cases and throw around legal puns like "Well the ball is in your court now!" and "Hey I bet your witnesses hope you have a BRIEF CASE!"

(That second one is my favorite.)

((Perhaps I should forgo the paralegal career and become a comedian.)) 

As I was pulling into the courthouse parking garage, I made a startling realization.  

The scent of the body lotion I had so liberally applied was Bath and Body Works Island Margarita.

If there is one thing you don't want to smell like when you're in a courtroom all day, IT IS A MARGARITA.


One woman actually told me how good I smelled and asked what scent I was wearing, but fortunately other than that, no one commented on the fact that I smelled like happy hour.

It just so happens that tomorrow is National Margarita Day.  So perhaps this incident was a foreshadowing that I should celebrate the holiday.

Or maybe I should just go back to good old Vaseline Intensive Care.

But that's not nearly as much fun.

Happy weekend!


Monday, February 18, 2013

the heat is on


I am currently conducting a little Monday night science experiment.  

And that experiment is called "Using High Efficiency Detergent in a Normal Efficiency Washing Machine."  I'm fairly confident that everything will be fine thanks to some investigatory googling I did before I turned it on, but if things don't work out I can always just call the maintenance department.

Since my life is apparently not complete without at least one maintenance call per week.

I had to call maintenance yesterday morning because OUR HEAT BROKE.  


I should have known something was wrong on Saturday afternoon when Matt asked for a blanket, since I have seen Matt chilly approximately ZERO times in my entire life.  He is always hot.  

I didn't think again about the heat, OR LACK THEROF, until about 2 a.m. when I woke up shivering.  It was 58 degrees in the apartment. 

So I marched myself to the leasing office bright and early the next morning to request some maintenance assistance.  And half an hour later my friend Marv the maintenance man showed up at my door to tell me a heat sensor was malfunctioning and that the boiler was only half firing.

I don't know what that means in the technical sense, but I do know you don't want either of those things to happen in the middle of February in Pennsylvania.

Long story not short at all, there is heat in my apartment once again.

Last but not least some pictures of my happy Valentine's day...

{work treats}
 {flowers from Matt}
{dinner Matt cooked}
{my Valentine}


Tuesday, February 12, 2013

just your typical happenings

At some point last week the volume on my television stopped working.  The picture was as clear as it gets on an old fashioned 19 inch television, but all I could hear was static.  I decided that when I got home from work on Friday night I was going to fix that tv.  

What that actually came down to was me employing the only real strategy I have to fix anything electronic, which is to turn it off and on repeatedly and then hit and any and all buttons in a somewhat wild fashion.  

I was about five minutes into working my technological magic when I heard a hallelujah chorus.

Just kidding.  What I heard was Alex Trebek's voice, which was equally exciting given the circumstance.

Unfortunately it appears that in the midst of my wild button pushing I unintentionally changed the language setting on the tv.  And now that it's changed, I cannot change it back because I do not read French.
That's okay though.  I may have lost a battle, but I won the war.  

Or, the guerre.

I spent the remainder of Friday evening preparing for what the meteorologists convinced me was going to be A MAJOR WINTER WEATHER EVENT.  And by preparing I mean I bought a bottle of chocolate wine, ate Mexican food with Matt, and was asleep by 10:30.

I woke up on Saturday morning to see less than an inch of snow on the grass.  COLOR ME DISAPPOINTED.  Since the roads were completely clear, I joined Matt, his roommate, and his roommate's girlfriend for an afternoon of errands.  

First on the list was haircuts for the boys.  Imagine my surprise when we pulled up to a pale yellow building with at least a hundred plastic flowers in a garden out front and a giant sign that said ELEGANCE HAIR SALON.

Just when you think you know your boyfriend, you find out he gets his hair cut at Elegance Hair Salon by a lovely elderly woman with a thick Korean accent named Edith.  

Although I must say his new haircut makes him look very handsome.

Well done Edith, well done.

After that little experience we went to the bank and the food store and eventually ended up back at Matt's apartment with some frozen pizzas and a box of brownies.  While the boys unpacked the groceries I discovered a Valentine's movie marathon on TV.  


The Back Up Plan starring Jennifer Lopez was just starting, and while I knew we had seen that movie already, I was hoping Matt would forget because I highly doubted that was a movie he'd want to watch twice.  My hopes were crushed when he sat down and said, "I think we've seen this movie already."

We watched anyway (he's a keeper) and it was your typical romantic comedy - totally predictable (especially since it was our second viewing) and funny, but the funniest part came about three quarters of the way through when Matt pointed to J-Lo and said, "Is that lady Beyonce?" 

What can I say? I'm dating a total pop culture junkie.

Monday was unremarkable other than the fact that I made myself a delicious soup from scratch for dinner.  The downside was that when I was ladling the boiling soup from the pot into my bowl, I missed the bowl and burned my finger.  

I spent the rest of the evening with a bag of frozen green beans on my hand.  

We were out of peas.

I'm happy to report that I recovered from my very minor injury beautifully, which was a relief because today was Fat Tuesday and I didn't want an unfortunate injury to interfere with my donut consumption.

It didn't. 

And all four donuts were delicious.


Sunday, February 10, 2013


The other night I spent quite a while explaining (complaining) to Matt about why I'm so tired of the winter. Tired of the freezing temperatures and the 5:00 sunsets and the snow and the gray sky for days on end and HURRY UP, SPRING.

And then this afternoon the temperatures warmed up (hello 37 degrees!) and the sun was shining and Emily and I went for a long walk and well, I guess winter isn't all bad.




Thursday, February 7, 2013

we also laughed. A LOT.

Last Friday afternoon my parents, Emily, my grandmother and I piled into the car and set off for Virginia to visit some family for the weekend.  As we were approaching the toll booths at the turnpike entrance, my mom turned around and joked, "Well, I hope anyone didn't forget anything! Like their toothbrush!"

And Emily said, "Whoops.  I forgot my toothbrush."

And that's when we added a stop at CVS to the itinerary.

We left Philadelphia at 3:00, which put us right outside of Washington D.C. at rush hour.  Do you know where you don't want to be on Friday at rush hour? Outside of Washington D.C.  We found ourselves in a forty mile bumper to bumper backup that solidified my decision to never, ever get a job that requires commuting into Washington D.C. 

Eventually, and I DO MEAN EVENTUALLY, the road opened up a bit and we reached our destination (after our CVS/toothbrush pit stop) around 9:00. 
 On Saturday we slept late, had a big breakfast, went to the movies, and had a big dinner.  So basically it was my dream day.

 We also played with my aunt's very cute three legged dog named Molly.

On Sunday we woke up a bit earlier and went to Mass at a monastery.  Emily and I took a photo of ourselves on the drive over because we are very humble.
My fantastic eyes in this photo are brought to you by my great aunt's eyeliner.  I realized on Saturday morning that I had forgotten to pack mine and you can imagine the histrionics that followed.  I love nothing more than some good fabricated drama.  Luckily my aunt had some eyeliner that she wasn't using and the weekend was saved.

After church we went to brunch at Mimi's where I discovered the wonder that is eggs benedict florentine, a much fancier alternative to my typical daily breakfast of an Oreo dipped in peanut butter and half a cup of coffee. 

 We relaxed for a little while on Sunday afternoon before going to my great aunt and uncle's house for dinner and the Super Bowl.  I didn't even know who was playing until about two hours before kickoff, but once the score became close I got incredible joy out of saying "Ladies and gentleman, we have ourselves a football game" over and over because I am a riot.

 On Monday morning we packed the car and all I have to say is it's a real shame my family doesn't like Vera Bradley.
 We stopped at Cracker Barrel for lunch on the way home because it's not a trip if it doesn't end with fried chicken and dumplings.

...and a self portrait photo shoot.
 ...and an impressive display of maturity.


Monday, February 4, 2013

maybe it's a washington d.c. thing...

Look.  On the drive to visit family this weekend we saw something puzzling.  Restricted lanes.  Open to all traffic.

I love it.