Tuesday, May 28, 2013

yes, i really was an english major

For as long as I can remember, my dad has called small shuttle buses “jitneys.”  And for all twenty four years of my life, I assumed that was a clever word that he made up because it’s much more fun to say jitney than it is to say shuttle bus.   

It wouldn’t be the first time my family had a made up word in our vocabulary.  For example, there is a road near our house with a series of hills make your stomach feel like you’re on a roller coaster.  We’ve always called those types of hills mickels.  I don’t know the origin of mickel, but my entire family knows the meaning of the word and uses it on a regular basis.  

The general public? Not so much. 

And I’ve lived my life assuming jitney fell into the same category as mickel.

Michelle and I were at the beach this weekend and decided to paint the town red on Friday night and go to a bar.  Unfortunately it was 45 degrees outside with a constant gusty wind, which would have made the walk from our hotel on 79th street to the bar on 24th A VERY LONG, UNPLEASANT ONE.  

And so, we took to the Google for transportation options and there, the very first result, was the Seven Mile Island Jitney. 

My jaw dropped. 


It turns out that jitney is AN ACTUAL WORD.  



This will forever change the way I communicate with others about small to medium sized shuttle buses.  I can use the term jitney freely and without worrying that I may not be understood. 

I will just have to make sure that I don’t ask the driver to take us down the road with the mickels.


Saturday, May 18, 2013

it's been a while

Well, after several requests to write a new post, here I am.

Let me clarify my use of several in that sentence.

My mom asked.

Michelle also mentioned the other night that it was time for me to write a new post, and when I told her I couldn’t think of any funny material she suggested I look through our text conversations for inspiration because WE ARE HILARIOUS.

I did find a bunch of conversations that made me laugh until I had tears in my eyes, specifically one about Michelle igniting a small kitchen fire in an ambitious attempt to make homemade candied pecans.  

However, what struck me was that I tend to send to Michelle one type of text quite frequently.  Here is a sampling.



Apparently I need to be more diligent in checking that my hot appliances are indeed turned off before I leave the apartment for the day.

You could say that things have been status quo around here.  I did email myself two pictures earlier this week with grand intentions to write humorous blog posts about them, but unfortunately, I cannot remember the witty posts that I had drafted in my head.  Fear not, I will still include the photos for your viewing pleasure.

 The joy I get out of parking next to a car just like mine is immeasurable.  Don’t worry, mine isn’t the klassy one with the duct taped bumper.

Michelle and I did some spring cleaning the other night.  We emptied our fridge of all expired products and were left with only the pictured contents.   

At least we won’t be thirsty! 

 And that box of baking soda is doing a bang up job keeping our Gatorade and mayonnaise SUPER FRESH.

So it looks like grocery shopping will be on the itinerary for this weekend.

 Matt came over last night and we logged another exciting Friday night in the record books.  We got sandwiches for dinner and went all wild and crazy and ate in front of the TV while we watched an episode of How It’s Made.  Unfortunately the featured item of the episode was bacon, and once I saw those raw pig bellies get sliced in half I completely lost my appetite.  Notably, Matt was eating bacon on his sandwich as we watched and IT DID NOT PHASE HIM ONE BIT.  

As Matt was leaving I went to give him a hug goodbye and could tell he was about to sneeze.  When I was growing up, my dad could sneeze so loud it would ring the doorbell.  Matt gives him some stiff competition in sneeze volume department.  

So, when I sensed the sneeze was imminent, I made a big deal of VERY WILDLY AND DRAMATICALLY backing away and taking cover.  Unfortunately my dramatic scene was unfolding just as Matt was bringing his hand up to cover his face and there was a bit of a mid-air collision, resulting in me hitting myself, hard, on the lip. 

After we established that my lip and I were going to be just fine, Matt hugged me and said, “Laur, the next time you’re hugging me and I'm about to sneeze, maybe the best strategy would be to just back away very slowly and very calmly, and I'll do the same.”

Write that on a Hallmark card and stick it on your mantle.

Happy weekend.  Time for me to make a grocery list.

Monday, May 6, 2013

good to see you, may

Well, I had a fantastic weekend.  On my drive to work this morning I thought about how difficult it is to go back to work on Monday after a particularly great weekend, but that if these past few days were any indication, my summer is going to be a good one.

And then I walked into the office, sat down at my desk, and at 8:05 my desk phone rang.  When I answered, the cheerful voice on the other end of the line said, "Good morning Laura! This is Susan from Chick Fil A!"

I. Am. Not. Kidding.

I am a BIG TIME FAN of Chick Fil A.  Sometimes I have to take a different route home from work because if I drive past the Chick Fil A my car just TURNS INTO THE PARKING LOT and before I know it I'm homeward bound with a large sweet tea and an eight pack of nuggets. 

Recently, and by recently I meant approximately the last three-four days, I've tried to avoid the CFA in the best interest of my wallet and my health.  So naturally my first thought upon answering the phone was that Susan was just calling to check in on me since I haven't been around in the last, oh, 72 hours.


It turns out that my business card was chosen in the workplace lunch of the week drawing, and so at 11:45 on Friday, assorted platters of Chick Fil A lunch items and accompanying beverages will be delivered straight to my office for me and eight of my closest friends.

Just when I think my life can't get any better.

I was so overcome with excitement when Susan told me the good news that when she asked for my work address to confirm the delivery information, I COULD NOT REMEMBER IT.  I had to dig around in my outgoing mail bin for a piece of letterhead with the address on it.

Monday, you've outdone yourself.


My weekend kicked off on Friday night at a Mexican bar in celebration of Cinco de Mayo.  Or Cuatro de Mayo.  Or just the end of another work week, which in my opinion is reason enough for a celebratory margarita.

On Saturday Matt and I went with some friends to a park for a picnic lunch.  Things got off to a bit of a rocky start because the person in charge of the grill brought a brand new, not yet assembled grill and no tools.  

Which really threw a wrench into things.

Oh, I am hilarious. 
Luckily this is the kind of challenge that is right up Matt's alley, so he jumped right in twisting wing nuts and attaching handles and after about twenty minutes, we had a rickety but usable grill.  

What started as a picnic lunch turned into the entire afternoon and dinner and sunset at the park and it was perfect.  We even played a bunch of tailgate games, one of which involved one teammate (Matt) throwing a frisbee to the other from fifty feet away, and that poor second teammate (me) trying to run and hit the frisbee into a barrel.  

And now I will let you in on some shocking news.

Running after a frisbee and guiding it into a barrel?  NOT MY WHEELHOUSE.

After way too many rounds of losing that we started playing washer toss.  I discovered that I can throw a washer with impressive precision and redeemed myself in the lawn game department.

On Sunday I went with Matt to a family party and came home to find Michelle in the living room with two big Ikea boxes.  For some reason I enjoy the challenge associated with Ikea furniture assembly, and so Michelle and I set to work assembling her desk and chair. 

The chair didn't have many pieces, but just when we thought we were finished we matched it up to the picture in the direction booklet, and unfortunately it looked more like the picture with the giant X over it than the one on the cover.  After many, many minutes of trying to figure out where we went wrong, we realized that we put the legs on backwards. 


The desk was much more time consuming and complicated, but luckily we were able to incorporate several puns into the installation process such as "I screwed up!" and we cracked ourselves up the entire time.  

As far as I know Michelle's desk and chair have not yet collapsed, so we must have done something right despite the excessive surplus of screws we had at the end.

I think it's safe to say we nailed it.