Wednesday, August 28, 2013

eye've been better

Well, I've been 25 years old for ten days now, and while I could say that embracing my new age has been a breeze, that would be a lie. 

For starters, I've noticed an alarming new development.  Each morning when I wake up, my eyes are puffy.  Not in a "something is wrong, I need to call the doctor" way, but more of an "evidently these twenty five year old eyes could have used another hour or so of sleep" way.

So, I have begrudgingly started a new morning ritual that includes a cup of coffee and a cold compress on my eyes.

My life is very glamorous.

As if the puffy eye situation wasn't bad enough, I have misplaced my toaster.

I can't even explain how that happened, all I know is that I discovered it was missing when I tried to toast a bagel the other morning.  A lengthy search turned up nothing.  To make matters worse, my tiny apartment kitchen only has approximately two square feet of counter space and six cabinets.  There aren't many places that it could have gone.

This past weekend Matt and I left my toaster troubles behind and drove to the beach.  On the way down we daydreamed about where we will live after we get married.  Well, one of us daydreamed and one of us talked seriously because the reality is we need a place to live in seven months and we will never get one if we just say WOULDN'T IT BE SUPER FUN TO HAVE A SPIRAL STAIRCASE AND A WRAPAROUND PORCH AND A YARD WITH A WEEPING WILLOW TREE SOMEDAY?

We briefly discussed the pros and cons of living in the country and then I defined how close I would like to be to a Target and a Macy's.

Lead me no further than three miles from a major shopping mall and a plethora of well respected hospitals in case I come down with a terrible sickness or this puffy eye situation becomes more serious.  But don't lead me close enough to either of those things that we live inside Philadelphia city limits.

A few hours later we were on a fancy boat, cruising around the bay feeling the sunshine and the sea breeze and that's when I looked at Matt and said, "My biggest dream is to one day have a tiny house on the water in a little town and own a boat."

So it's safe to say that only one thing is for sure about our future home, and that is that whether it's in the country or on the water or next door to a Macy's, Matt better plan to keep a very close eye on our toaster.



Sunday, August 25, 2013

matt gets all the credit for figuring out the metro

Last weekend Matt and I took a little trip to Washington, D.C.  I was in charge of the itinerary and Matt was in charge of the navigating, which was a combination that worked out perfectly.  Except for the time I took charge of the map in an attempt to lead us to the Air and Space Museum and we ended up at some strange sculpture exhibition and I had to act like it was a totally intentional stop on our tour.


The first thing we did on Thursday was visit Arlington National Cemetery.  Well, technically the first thing we did was eat lunch, which took place at a diner where I ate a fantastic sausage egg and cheese biscuit and Matt ate chocolate chip pancakes because IT'S NEVER TOO LATE FOR BREAKFAST.  Then it was on to Arlington.  Matt had never been there and I hadn't been since I was about ten years old, and it was quite an experience.     

We spent several hours there, and then stopped by the Air Force Memorial on the way to our hotel.  

 When we arrived we went swimming for a little bit because because I LOVE to swim and how often can you have handstand contests with your fiance on rooftop pools in Washington D.C.?

After our swim, Matt and I planned to get ready for dinner and go out for cheeseburgers to continue on our healthy eating kick, but we hit a bit of a road block when I made a tragic discovery.

I had forgotten all of my makeup.  ALL. OF. IT.  I didn't even have so much as a chapstick to my name.

I stared at myself in the bathroom mirror for about ten minutes trying to convince myself it would be okay to go without for a few days, but in the end vanity prevailed and we made a pit stop at a grocery store on the way to dinner so that I could get myself some mascara for goodness sake.

Matt had zero desire to browse the makeup section with me while I picked up the must haves, so he told me he was going to grab a few necessities and then he would come find me when he was finished.  Apparently we both have liberal interpretations of the word necessity because ten minutes later Matt appeared with his: a six pack of Sam Adams' pumpkin ale, Triscuits, and a can of Easy Cheese.

Well happy vacation, indeed.

On Friday Matt and my perfectly made up self spent the morning at the National Zoo and then metro'd it over to the National Mall where we saw the Washington Monument, the Roosevelt Memorial, and then went back to the hotel because MY FEET, DID I MENTION THEY WERE KILLING ME?  


 
 


 

We came back into the city in the early evening and took the last tour of the day at the Bureau of Engraving and Printing because we are fascinated with how money is made.  

After we got our tickets I said to Matt, "So, do you think they'll be giving out any free samples?" because I am so clever and witty.  And then the tour started and the first thing the tour guide said was, "I'll start off by answering the most common question I get.  No, there are no free samples."

Well.  

I guess I'm not as creative and original as I thought.

On Saturday we joined half of the world on the National Mall and saw all of the major monuments and memorials, the White House, the Air and Space Museum, the Museum of American History, the Capitol, the Library of Congress, the American Indian Museum, the National Archives, and the Supreme Court.




Later in the evening we went out in Arlington for my birthday dinner.  We walked up and down the streets and looked at the shops and the high rise apartments and the restaurants, and didn't pick a place to eat until 9:00.  How wild and crazy.  When we sat down I got a fun, fruity drink, and then when the waiter came to take our orders and I got shepherd's pie.  

What can I say? I'm a 95 year old in a 25 year old's body and I like meals that are all in one dish.

I woke up on Sunday morning to Matt singing a dramatic, heartfelt rendition of Happy Birthday, and holding a slice of cheesecake.

Not a bad way to ring in 25.



Sunday, August 18, 2013

Saturday, August 3, 2013

might just be time for botox

One thing that is never lacking around our apartment is humility self-confidence.  Michelle and I consider ourselves to be experts on every subject from foreign policy to parenting even though we have absolutely no experience with either.  And we are absolutely positive that we are gorgeous. 

This belief was validated a few months ago Michelle's boyfriend mentioned that he downloaded an app that scans your face and then rates your beauty on a scale of one to one hundred.  He thought the results were totally inaccurate as he and others were scoring numbers that were lower than anticipated, so he was planning on deleting it.  Michelle asked him to keep it until we could give it a try, and so he came over and we scanned our faces and I'm proud to report that we scored in the high 90s.

Higher than ANGELINA JOLIE.

We bring our scores up frequently, and by frequently I mean at least once daily.  

Listen, it's almost impossible for a couple of 96s to stay humble.

A few weeks ago Michelle read an article about Olay's Total Effects Anti-Aging Night Cream, and started using it.  After just a few days she reported noticeable changes and could hardly keep track of the compliments she was receiving, so of course I hightailed it to Target toot suite to pick some up some of this miracle cream for myself. 

I even got the facial scrub because go big or go home.

For the past several weeks I have been using both products with much noticed success.  

Or so I thought.

At work on Thursday, my phone rang.  It was the HR manager from my company.  She works in the main office which is about two hours away from my office, so I don't see her a whole lot, but when I do I try to make pleasant small talk with her because I'm no fool.  I know whose good side to stay on.

She had a  few clarifying questions about a few forms I had recently submitted, and after she asked them she said, "Oh, one more thing.  Are you over age 45?"

I'm sorry, did you call the wrong person?

FORTY-FIVE?

Here I am liberally applying anti-again night cream to my 24 year old face in an attempt not to appear 30 prematurely.

But 45?  I didn't know I had such an uphill battle.

Maybe I should ask Angelina Jolie for some tips.


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