And then there are days when inspiration literally lands on my doorstep.
Let me provide some background.
Matt is an Amazon fanatic. Over the past year, I cannot even count the number of Amazon boxes that have been delivered to our house, and they've been filled with everything from khaki pants to Planter's Peanuts to water filters to engine gaskets to a case of organic white chocolate bars, even though we don't really eat organic white chocolate bars.
I was working from home one day a few weeks ago when I heard a knock on the door, and I opened it to find a delivery man holding an ENORMOUS Amazon box. It was addressed to Matt, but I texted him to ask if he'd mind if I opened it, because is there anything better than opening a package? I think not. However, in the event that Matt had ordered a present for me, I didn't want to ruin his surprise.
It was not a present for me, so major bummer there.
But Matt told me to knock myself out and go ahead and open it, and when I opened the box that giant, plastic, freaky looking hawk was staring out at me.
And I almost had a heart attack.
WHERE'S A CASE OF ORGANIC WHITE CHOCOLATE BARS WHEN YOU NEED ONE?
The woman in the apartment below us has a lot of bird feeders on her balcony, which means that the birds sit on our balcony railing, and leave behind...well...what it is that birds leave behind.
It's not pleasant.
And they're not dainty, pretty, little birds. They're enormous, gross pigeons that Matt calls rats with wings.
So this giant plastic bird creature was Matt's first move in a strategy to keep the pigeon-rats off of our balcony. When he got home from work that night I told him very dramatically that, "THIS THING HAS TO GO OUTSIDE IMMEDIATELY. IT CANNOT LIVE IN OUR APARTMENT. IT DOES NOT MATCH THE DECOR AT ALL AND IT FREAKS ME OUT. THOSE EYES FOLLOW ME."
Matt said he'd get a few bungee cords to fasten it to the railing and get it outside right away. But not before he played a trick on me because the next morning I stumbled into the bathroom and flipped the light switch and this is what I saw.
I almost had a heart attack.
Mr. Hawk was in his new home on our balcony railing by that evening.
Except, instead of deterring the pigeons, he attracted them. Like they were all old buddies. Sitting on the railing. Chatting about the snow and their wives and the stock market.
Needless to say, this camaraderie drove Matt crazy. Now that the weather is (very, very, VERY slowly) warming up and we plan to spend lots of time on the balcony, Matt decided that today would be the day he'd throw down the decoy gauntlet. While I washed the dishes, he went out on the balcony to fix things once and for all. And he came back inside a few minutes later and triumphantly proclaimed, "He's like a real bird now! I rigged it so it looks like he's flying. No pigeons will be coming to this balcony!"
"Woohoo!" I said, "that's awesome," and I continued on with the dishes.
And then I finished the dishes and walked out of the kitchen and saw this.
AND I ALMOST HAD A HEART ATTACK.
That was not the solution that I expected. And then Matt then taped tin foil all around the railing to deter the pigeons even more and I CANNOT EVEN TALK ABOUT THAT.
I had grand plans for the balcony this summer. Some colorful Adirondack chairs and plenty of flowers and a nice citronella candle and maybe even some wind chimes.
And now I'll be working around our freaky hanging hawk and tin foil railing.
But at least there won't be any pigeons.
And that is, literally, a silver lining.