Saturday, February 25, 2017

what could have been, part 1

The other night I was clicking around to see just how many blog posts I've written in my prolific oh, Laura Darling career, and I stumbled upon a folder of draft posts.  I've officially published 498 posts, but do you know how many are in my drafts folder?


I figured there had to be at least a few gems in those one hundred and fourteen drafts that have never seen the light of day, so I randomly chose one to open, and this is what it said:

I babysat for a few hours the other night.  At 8:30, we brushed teeth and said prayers and then the boys decided they'd like to draw instead of read before they fell asleep.  A few minutes later one of the kids said, "Okay Miss Laura, I made a picture for you.  You look a little bit like a monster but that was an accident."

And then he presented me with this... 

Is it any wonder I didn't publish that for all to see?

I also found a bunch of lists that seem like total nonsense to my 2017 self, but must have meant something to my 2010/11/12/13/14/15/16/holy-cow-how-long-have-i-been-doing-this-self.

For example:

tuna strike
publisher's clearinghouse
chicken follow-up
forgot wallet
still went to atm
power out
got carded
diamond earrings
girls should look for polos  
cooked dinner
ears hurt in the night
2 quarts instead of cups

Maybe it's just me, but I'd love to know how I planned to tie together a post about ear pain during the night, boots, and diamond earrings.  Also, a tuna strike?  Perhaps it's a good things these posts remained in draft.

In addition to the nonsensical lists, there were a few posts that seemed to have a good start and an initial narrative structure. Exhibit A:

Well, I learned a very hard lesson last night.

And that lesson is that potatoes do indeed go bad after a certain period of time.

I was operating under the assumption that potatoes were some infinite vegetable, but last night when I opened the bag to make dinner and almost passed out from the sight and smell, my

MY WHAT? I couldn't be more sorry about that cliff-hanger.

Exhibit B:

Well, this week has been eventful.

I ran to the mall after work on Monday and while I was checking out, I heard my phone ring.  I didn't answer since I was having a nice chat with the friendly cashier, but when I got to my car I saw several texts from my mom asking "Is something going on at your apartment complex?  I see helicopters and lots of smoke.  Is there a fire? Is everything okay?"

There is perk #40329 of living a mile and a half from your parents- someone is always looking out for you.

I called my mom back and told her I was at Macy's, and she reported what she was seeing out her living room window.  I immediately began going through the checklist of "I don't think I left the stove on, I didn't even plug my hair straightener in today, I'm pretty sure I blew out all of the candles" and on and on and on.

And finally my mom said, "Laura.  I'm not saying that you CAUSED the fire.  I'm just asking if there IS a fire."

It turns out that a scrap metal factory across the road from us was burning.  Not only did we have a front row seat to the fire from our balcony, but my brother-in-law and baby nephew couldn't get home due to closed roads so they hung out at our apartment.

Our nephew is three months old, and Matt unbuckled him from his car seat and said, "So, has he learned to crawl yet?"  

We have a lot to learn about babies.

My current posts are probably more well-written than these, but I can't promise that they're as entertaining or mysterious!


Alexis @ Chemistry Cachet said...

LOL that is too funny. And I used to have the same thing a few years back. I would write and write, and only publish a few. I went through a deleted a bunch last year and wasn't even sure what the deal was with most of them!

lauren alford design said...

this is really funny... I would love to know what warranted a tuna strike HAHA

Sharon Kruschen said...

I have a ton of drafts too. #bloggerlife

Julie McGrath said...

I love this post!

Brianne said...

The suspense of the tuna strike & the potatoes is going to kill me!!

Confuzzled Bev said...

Haha, tuna strike. I am intrigued!

Yes, potatoes can go bad... don't ask me how I learned that one!

Faith said...

Hahaha! You inspired me to look at all my drafts. I have so many questionable ones too ... some were really good so I wonder why I never hit publish, lol.

Crystal W said...

There should be an international Publish Your Drafts Day! (Just checked mine - 69 published, 27 drafts. That's my new blog, though - can't imagine how many are sitting in the drafts folder for the blog I had from 2000-2015!)

Hilary said...

Hah - well maybe if you had posted that blog about potatoes going bad you could have saved me from the terrible, rancid, nose-burning smell that comes from them!!!! Lol.

Rebecca Jo said...

I dont think I've ever looked to see how many unpublished posts I have... mainly because I never even knew I could start writing & save it for future posting until just a few years ago. I'm not a tech kinda gal, what can I say.

Leslie said...

Ha! These are hilarious! I have some similar drafts in my folders too...

Kristy Sayer-Jones @ Southern In Law said...

114 posts in your draft folder?! Sheesh girl!

I am DYING at that picture. "Giant mouth award" hahahahaha. Before I saw that I was like "are you yelling at a birthday cake?!"

I think you need to publish all these draft posts just for the laughs ;) I also love that you jumped from the fire story straight into "Our Nephew is three months old"

Emily said...

Haha, I just wrote about similar strange notes on my phone today too!

However, I've never gotten a Giant Mouth Award so #youwin ;)

The Lady Okie said...

I am AMAZED that you have that many drafts of posts! I have 4. haha! Your past self was oh so mysterious. I love it.

Jessi @ Jessi's Design said...

Ha! This made my morning! (especially the potato part - so unfortunately true!)

rooth said...

I cannot stop laughing at the first sketch - omg

Kayla MKOY said...

LOL! Giant mouth award?! Oh my gosh, I'm dying. Kids are hilarious. I have quite a few draft posts as well - but not quite 100+! LOL!

Jessica | Being Bradfords said...

I need to go back through and look at my drafts too! :) This is so fun!

Marie said...

haha I too have ton of drafts. I should probably look thru them. haha.

Sara Elizabeth Miller said...

LOL is that giant mouth award a gator?! If so... I just found a new award for myself.

Potato cliffhanger!!