things are getting intents around here

There is currently a man in the laundry room looking at our water meter, two men in the kitchen working on our kitchen ceiling, and a camping tent in the middle of the backyard that does not belong to us.

We are having our water meter looked at because our water bill has been a whopping zero dollars for the last few months.  We, and by we I mean Matt, called the water company as soon as that first bill arrived back in November, but the earliest they could schedule an appointment for us was today so we have been enjoying free water for the better part of three months.  I took my last extra long shower this morning, and did one last load of free laundry.

The men are working on the kitchen ceiling because sometimes you've gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, and know when to run call a professional drywall contractor.

Our ceiling was a mess due to styrofoam faux wood beams spending 60 years adhered to the ceiling with construction adhesive, and while Matt and I can paint, install a floor, install cabinets, and Youtube our way through some plumbing projects, we cannot repair sheet rock on an eleven foot ceiling.

As for the tent in the backyard, I have no explanation.  I woke up and it was there.  I texted a pic to Matt and he said it probably just blew in overnight.  I told him I hope it blows back out because there is no way I am going outside in the frigid temps to wrestle someone else's tent.  He said, "I hope not!  I might keep it."

It is still trash picking if the trash blows into your backyard?

I follow a Facebook group for one of my favorite podcasts, Sorta Awesome.  Someone posted this in the group the other day and I cracked up, but I couldn't think of any examples from my own life.

And then I went into the kitchen to make dinner, which included Italian sausage, and proceeded to take the sausage links out of the fridge, remove the casing, mash it up, and then cook it.

I didn't need the whole package, so I looked up more recipes for sausage, and so many called for ground sausage.  I DID NOT KNOW YOU COULD BUY GROUND SAUSAGE.  Since we've been married, we have meals including Italian sausage on a fairly frequent basis and for four years I've been uncasing sausage links and mashing it up with a potato masher like some kind of culinary amateur.

Now that we have this fancy new kitchen, I feel like I need to step up my cooking game.

Someone who cooks sausage like I did belongs in a tent in the backyard.  

At least the hose water is free out there.

i need a bigger driveway so i have room to park my bandwagon

For as long as I can remember, my dad has one response when someone mentions the Philadelphia Eagles and it's become a joke in our family.  He says, "Hey, the Eagles are going to the Super Bowl!"  It doesn't matter if they had a big win or lost seven games in a row, my dad always says, "Eagles are going to the Super Bowl!"  

He says it sarcastically because over the last two decades they've had a few decent years but are typically very lousy and extremely overrated, and also, we prefer college football.

Until this year.

After their win against the Falcons, my dad texted us all his famous saying.

And last week the Philadelphia police chief ordered city workers to spend Sunday morning smearing Crisco on metal light poles in the city in advance of the NFC championship.  

Which we won.

By a landslide.

The Eagles are going to the Super Bowl.

I posted a picture of one of the Crisco Cops on Instagram and so many people asked why they needed Crisco on the light poles.  I guess Philadelphia is a unique city in terms of how the fans celebrate, because climbing light poles is a form of celebration.

Speaking of Philadelphia quirks, the Pope came to Philadelphia last year, and his visit was shortly after Hitch Bot, the worldwide hitch hiking robot, met his demise in the city of Brotherly Love.

A local radio station created something called Pope Bot, to show that Philadelphians could be nice, and Pope Bot traveled around the Philadelphia and South Jersey area for several weeks before the arrival of the Pope.      

In honor of the Eagles going to the Super Bowl, the radio station created a Bird Bot.  The Bird Bot has spent this week hitch hiking around the area and will hopefully make it to Minnesota for the big game.  It's been so funny to keep up with on social media.

I hope someone takes a picture of him climbing a light pole before he leaves for Minnesota.

Now, I'm off to paint my nails green.

spring fever in january

On Tuesday I drove a hundred miles through the mountains in a terrible snowstorm to get to a work conference.  That's a story for another day but it involved me behind the wheel of a giant pickup truck from Enterprise Rent-A-Car and literal white knuckles.

But then yesterday, it was almost SIXTY degrees here.  Obviously there was only one option for the afternoon and that was to go for a long walk outside. 

Hurry up, spring!

it's been a rough weekend for my self-esteem

Well, I am here to report back on a recipe that I mentioned I was planning to make for dinner on Thursday night.  It was a paleo recipe that boasted that the sauce tasted JUST like Alfredo sauce, but was significantly healthier since it was made with just chicken broth, coconut milk, and cashews.

Do you know what the sauce tasted like?

Chicken broth, coconut milk, and cashews.

Basically, it tasted like sadness.

I HATE to waste food, but I had to throw it away.  It was inedible.  The sauce was supposed to go over chicken and broccoli, so I just dumped a bunch of soy sauce in the pan and called it good.

The following afternoon I had a belated holiday lunch with several coworkers.  There was an emergency at work so I was a little bit late to the restaurant, and when I got there the only spot left was at the end of the table.  The group had already ordered some appetizers and I saw a platter of nachos, and a tray with some crackers and bacon on it that looked delicious.  Since the table was long and crowded I passed my plate down and just asked that they put a few things on it and send it back.

When my plate returned to me, I saw that I'd made a terrible error in judgment.  What looked like a piece of bacon from my seat at the end of table was actually a piece of RAW TUNA.

I am not a person who hides her facial expressions well (this is something I am trying to work on in 2018) and someone commented that I looked surprised.  I told them I expected bacon and asked that they go about their business and not stare at me while I tasted the tuna, because I was pretty sure I wouldn't be able to chew it, and just had to swallow it down with a big gulp of water.

I was right.

When I got home on Friday night we got an alert that my credit card had been hacked.  Matt called the bank (should out to USAA and their amazing fraud detection) and we found out that while three charges had been declined, two charges went through, at a Citgo gas station and Chuck E. Cheese in Georgia.  I hope they got some good microwave pizza and a plate of nachos with that sweet orange cheese.

Yesterday Matt and I spent ALL DAY LONG working in the kitchen.



We finished hanging up all of the cabinets, and by 6:00 we were exhausted and could not wait to get our of there.  So, we went to Senor Salsa for dinner.  Nothing says cheers to success like a plate of Enchiladas Supreme and some cheese dip cooked by someone else.



Seriously.  The menu actually said cheese dip.  Senor Salsa is nothing if not authentic.  While we were there we tried to calculate how many hours we've spent on the kitchen so far.  We had a calculator out before the appetizer arrived so basically we know how to party on a Saturday night.

Matt was in charge of dinner tonight.  He made the most amazing pork chops I think I've ever had, and it's not easy to impress me with a pork chop.  While he cooked I downloaded the app I've seen everyone on social media lately, called Google Arts and Culture.  There is a feature that allows you to see if there is a painting in an art museum somewhere that looks like you.

Here is where I caution you not to utilize this particular feature if you're in an unstable place emotionally.  Because I took a photo of myself, and here was my first result.

It's called Portrait of A. MAN.



I happen to have a dermatologist appointment on Tuesday, so I've spent the remainder of this evening researching what lotions and potions I can ask her to prescribe to me to restore a youthful, feminine beauty.

I'm looking at you, Retinol.

my creativity is stuck in 2017

I wrote 90% of a post over the weekend and when I opened it tonight to finish it up, I could not believe what I'd written.  Let's just say the high point was that I wrote about how I noticed that I usually walk around my kitchen island in a counterclockwise direction.

Is there any paint you could watch dry? Because that would be more interesting than my post was.  Instead of subjecting anyone to that level of boredom, I am borrowing this idea from Michelle.

Currently...

reading: I just started Turtles All the Way Down by John Green.

watching: Hart of Dixie.  We are approximately seven years late to the Netflix game and just signed up for it last week.  I am obsessed with Hart of Dixie.  If Bluebell was a real town I would pack up and move there tomorrow.




laughing at: Memes.  

listening to: Old Dominion.  I can't get enough.  My mom, sister and I are going to a concert this summer to see Old Dominion, Kenny Chesney, and Thomas Rhett, and I can't wait. 

annoyed by: We have three chickens living in a poultry palace in our backyard, eating an organic diet, and even kept warm by some contraption Matt got for them called a Cozy Coop.  I understand that is ridiculous.   Anyway, today I had to go to the grocery store and BUY EGGS.  We have some high maintenance freeloaders on our hands. 

relieved that:  When I had time off over the holidays, I did a lot of cleaning and organizing and decluttering.  It blows my mind that just two years ago we lived in an 800 square foot apartment, and now we have a house almost three times that size, and it's full.  Where does everything come from?  I have a whole load of things for Green Drop to pick up next week.  I still have to go through the things in our upstairs spare room, which is a total disgrace.  I am off on Monday and was going to do it then, but then my mom invited me to go with her to see my niece and nephew, so obviously decluttering will have to happen another day.

loving:  Our kitchen is a long way from finished, but it's usable again and I'm so glad.  We did pretty well making do with the toaster oven and crock pot and meals with minimal ingredients, but I truly missed cooking real dinners and not having to go upstairs to use the microwave or dig through 14 boxes on the dining room floor to find the pasta sauce.  I smile every time I walk in there and it's not even done yet.   

cooking: Tonight I made this Greek sheet pan chicken and it was so easy and we both loved it.  I also made tzatziki sauce to go with it.  On Thursday I'm making this paleo chicken alfredo recipe and am anxious to see how it goes.  We are not eating paleo, but I will probably have it with spaghetti squash and make some rice for Matt. 

exhausted by: I stayed up way too late last night watching the college football National Championship.  I was rooting for Georgia and was bummed when they lost in overtime.  Even more bummed that Alamaba won.  Go home, Alabama.  Also, I personally don't think it should have been two SEC teams.  I could say more but I'll save it for when the NCAA calls me for my completely unprofessional opinion.

confused by: Stranger Things.  We started the other night and I don't think it's my cup of tea.  I went back to Hart of Dixie after two episodes but Matt is loving it.  This was my sister's response when she heard we were watching it.



praying for: An early spring!

one day into the new year and i've already cried about bread

At the beginning of 2017 I decided one of my goals for the year was to bake some bread from scratch.  For 364 days that didn't happen, and then last night at 11:45 I threw together some dough, left it on the temporary plywood counter to rise, and kissed 2017 goodbye.



This morning Matt and I talked about our goals and plans for this year, and then his brother Dave came over to help him do some work in the kitchen while I sat downstairs and enjoyed the Rose Parade and bowl games like God and the NCAA intended.

When I would hear things from upstairs in the kitchen like "I don't think that burning smell is anything to worry about," and "I'm almost positive this beam isn't weight bearing" I just turned up the volume on the TV because ignorance is bliss.

I did pop upstairs to make myself some Ramen noodles for lunch because I LOVE Ramen noodles and I'm not even one bit sorry about it.  My sophisticated culinary palate is unmatched.  When the water started boiling I dumped the noodles in and went about my business, not realizing that I also dumped in the seasoning packet which was boiling and melting away.

I tried to cover up my mistake but Matt and Dave saw it before I could dispose of the evidence.  Matt shook his head while Dave thought it was the most hysterical thing he's ever seen.

Later in the afternoon I popped back into the kitchen to put the bread in the oven, but first the directions said to pull it out of the bowl and onto a well floured surface.  I dumped probably at least a cup of flour on the counter and proceeded to spread it into a nice thick layer, when Matt glanced over and exclaimed "WHOA what are you doing?"

It turns out my flour application was a little liberal, and when Dave turned around to see the state of the counter he laughed so hard I didn't think he was going to be able to catch his breath.  I promised him that I am a halfway decent cook, and to please not judge my cooking abilities on my Ramen noodle mishap and flour overestimation alone.

An hour later I pulled the bread out of the oven and despite all of their earlier laughter, the crowd legitimately went wild.  I am not kidding, the boys LOVED it.  We spread some butter on it and all stood at the counter devouring our slices.



Matt's brother left a while later and Matt was brave enough to man the grill in the 6 degree temps while I stayed inside and got the side dishes ready, except I couldn't find the bread.  When Matt came back in and I asked him where it was, he said, "Dave loved it so much that I sent the rest home with him."

And that's when some emotional, carbohydrate loving reflex kicked in and I STARTED TO CRY.

Matt immediately said "I'm only kidding! I would never give it away! It's in the oven to stay warm!" but it was too late. 

He'd seen me cry actual tears over a loaf of bread.

It was a low point.

But I bet there will be more tears tomorrow at lunchtime when it's back to reality and I'm eating a salad instead of warm bread and butter.