it was like i was meant to order a second helping of mozzarella sticks

I worked a lot of overtime last week, so by the time Friday rolled around my supervisor said that as long as I was in the office for an 11:00 and a 1:30 meeting, I could take the rest of the day off.  When the first meeting was over, I turned off my computer, packed up my things, and set off on what I like to call a middle-of-the-daycation.  

I planned to take myself to Chick Fil A for lunch and then wander around the bookstore, but when I remembered it was a Friday in Lent and I couldn’t have meat, I decided to swing by Sonic for some mozzarella sticks instead.  

I parked, ordered, and ate.  I didn’t read or listen to the music or talk on the phone.  Just sat in silence and stared out the window at the cars driving by.  It was lovely.

And then it was time to go back to the office and I tried to turn my car on.

Nothing happened.

I performed a quick inventory of the situation and once I confirmed that the car was indeed in park and the key was in the ignition correctly, I realized, HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM.

Or maybe more like, PROGRESSIVE INSURANCE ROADSIDE ASSISTANCE, WE HAVE A PROBLEM.

It wasn’t cold, I was in a safe place, it was light outside, and I had nowhere urgent to be, so I didn’t really panic.  The situation ranked very low on the scale of ONE TO SERIOUS.  However, I'll admit that when the Progresssive operator ended our phone call with ‘HELP IS ON THE WAY,’ it added the air of drama that I so enjoy.

I decided to call Matt while I waited for the tow truck.  I explained my predicament and then Matt said, “Well, do you have a wrench in your car that you could use to pop the gear shift?”

Excuse me. Have we met?

A tow truck pulled up about ten minutes later, they plugged something into the hood of my car, and Old Blue purred like a kitten.

It turns out the battery had died.

Which would explain why my windows have been rolling up and down very slowly lately and sometimes the radio volume didn’t work.  Apparently those things are symptoms of a dying battery.

Now I know.

I drove straight home because I didn’t want to turn my car off anywhere else, and that’s when I called Matt and gave him the good news that HEY! WE HAVE FRIDAY NIGHT PLANS! REPLACING MY CAR BATTERY!”

And because Matt is fantastic and also secretly loves a little automotive drama, he came over on his way home from the office and we set to work changing the battery.  

And by “we” I obviously mean “he.” All I did was stand around and pontificate on the increasing price of dry cleaning and my thoughts on organic fruit.

And then Matt told me to start up my car, and so I did, with great success.

Tomorrow morning I’m driving two hours away for a work meeting with a co-worker.  I’m sure my car will be just fine, but in case we break down, I sure hope it’s near a Sonic.  

technically, it was five o'clock somewhere

Well, it's Thursday night.  

And the heat in my apartment is working.

That may not seem like monumental news but I assure you that around here, it is.  I had to call my buddy Marv the Maintenance Man AGAIN last night due to a malfunctioning heater power head or as I like to call it, A VERY COLD APARTMENT.  

Luckily Marv saved the day.  I'm toasty warm once again and only wearing one layer of clothing as opposed to the two to three I wore last night.

If I could describe the weather right now in two words it would be "cold" and "dry."

The air is so dry that there is an impressive shock, COMPLETE WITH VISIBLE SPARKS, anytime I turn on a light switch.  A small firework of sorts, if you will.  I have started to touch light switches and our metal closet door handles with any object other than my hand.  So far my resourceful self has used a book, coffee mug, tv remote, slipper, shampoo bottle, and hairbrush in order to avoid a giant shock.

What can I say?

I'm electric.

Boogie woogie woogie.  

I've got to moooooove.  I'm goin' on a party ride...

Where was I?

Due to the aforementioned freezing, dry air, I liberally applied about half a tube of Bath and Body Works lotion before work on Tuesday morning.

And then I promptly got in my car and drove straight to the county courthouse.  On Tuesdays I spend all day in court.  Fear not, this isn't because I have an illustrious felonious record, but rather because I am a paralegal and I have to do things like talk to lawyers before cases and throw around legal puns like "Well the ball is in your court now!" and "Hey I bet your witnesses hope you have a BRIEF CASE!"

(That second one is my favorite.)

((Perhaps I should forgo the paralegal career and become a comedian.)) 

As I was pulling into the courthouse parking garage, I made a startling realization.  

The scent of the body lotion I had so liberally applied was Bath and Body Works Island Margarita.

If there is one thing you don't want to smell like when you're in a courtroom all day, IT IS A MARGARITA.

Whoops.

One woman actually told me how good I smelled and asked what scent I was wearing, but fortunately other than that, no one commented on the fact that I smelled like happy hour.

It just so happens that tomorrow is National Margarita Day.  So perhaps this incident was a foreshadowing that I should celebrate the holiday.

Or maybe I should just go back to good old Vaseline Intensive Care.

But that's not nearly as much fun.

Happy weekend!

the heat is on

Hello. 

I am currently conducting a little Monday night science experiment.  

And that experiment is called "Using High Efficiency Detergent in a Normal Efficiency Washing Machine."  I'm fairly confident that everything will be fine thanks to some investigatory googling I did before I turned it on, but if things don't work out I can always just call the maintenance department.

Since my life is apparently not complete without at least one maintenance call per week.

I had to call maintenance yesterday morning because OUR HEAT BROKE.  

AGAIN.

I should have known something was wrong on Saturday afternoon when Matt asked for a blanket, since I have seen Matt chilly approximately ZERO times in my entire life.  He is always hot.  

I didn't think again about the heat, OR LACK THEROF, until about 2 a.m. when I woke up shivering.  It was 58 degrees in the apartment. 

So I marched myself to the leasing office bright and early the next morning to request some maintenance assistance.  And half an hour later my friend Marv the maintenance man showed up at my door to tell me a heat sensor was malfunctioning and that the boiler was only half firing.

I don't know what that means in the technical sense, but I do know you don't want either of those things to happen in the middle of February in Pennsylvania.

Long story not short at all, there is heat in my apartment once again.

Last but not least some pictures of my happy Valentine's day...

 

{work treats}

 {flowers from Matt}

 

{dinner Matt cooked}

{my Valentine}

guess which one of us studied liberal arts in college...

just your typical happenings

At some point last week the volume on my television stopped working.  The picture was as clear as it gets on an old fashioned 19 inch television, but all I could hear was static.  I decided that when I got home from work on Friday night I was going to fix that tv.  

What that actually came down to was me employing the only real strategy I have to fix anything electronic, which is to turn it off and on repeatedly and then hit and any and all buttons in a somewhat wild fashion.  

I was about five minutes into working my technological magic when I heard a hallelujah chorus.

Just kidding.  What I heard was Alex Trebek's voice, which was equally exciting given the circumstance.

Unfortunately it appears that in the midst of my wild button pushing I unintentionally changed the language setting on the tv.  And now that it's changed, I cannot change it back because I do not read French.

That's okay though.  I may have lost a battle, but I won the war.  

Or, the guerre.

I spent the remainder of Friday evening preparing for what the meteorologists convinced me was going to be A MAJOR WINTER WEATHER EVENT.  And by preparing I mean I bought a bottle of chocolate wine, ate Mexican food with Matt, and was asleep by 10:30.

I woke up on Saturday morning to see less than an inch of snow on the grass.  COLOR ME DISAPPOINTED.  Since the roads were completely clear, I joined Matt, his roommate, and his roommate's girlfriend for an afternoon of errands.  

First on the list was haircuts for the boys.  Imagine my surprise when we pulled up to a pale yellow building with at least a hundred plastic flowers in a garden out front and a giant sign that said ELEGANCE HAIR SALON.

Just when you think you know your boyfriend, you find out he gets his hair cut at Elegance Hair Salon by a lovely elderly woman with a thick Korean accent named Edith.  

Although I must say his new haircut makes him look very handsome.

Well done Edith, well done.

After that little experience we went to the bank and the food store and eventually ended up back at Matt's apartment with some frozen pizzas and a box of brownies.  While the boys unpacked the groceries I discovered a Valentine's movie marathon on TV.  

JACK.  POT.

The Back Up Plan starring Jennifer Lopez was just starting, and while I knew we had seen that movie already, I was hoping Matt would forget because I highly doubted that was a movie he'd want to watch twice.  My hopes were crushed when he sat down and said, "I think we've seen this movie already."

We watched anyway (he's a keeper) and it was your typical romantic comedy - totally predictable (especially since it was our second viewing) and funny, but the funniest part came about three quarters of the way through when Matt pointed to J-Lo and said, "Is that lady Beyonce?" 

What can I say? I'm dating a total pop culture junkie.

Monday was unremarkable other than the fact that I made myself a delicious soup from scratch for dinner.  The downside was that when I was ladling the boiling soup from the pot into my bowl, I missed the bowl and burned my finger.  

I spent the rest of the evening with a bag of frozen green beans on my hand.  

We were out of peas.

I'm happy to report that I recovered from my very minor injury beautifully, which was a relief because today was Fat Tuesday and I didn't want an unfortunate injury to interfere with my donut consumption.

It didn't. 

And all four donuts were delicious.

sunday

The other night I spent quite a while explaining (complaining) to Matt about why I'm so tired of the winter. Tired of the freezing temperatures and the 5:00 sunsets and the snow and the gray sky for days on end and HURRY UP, SPRING.

And then this afternoon the temperatures warmed up (hello 37 degrees!) and the sun was shining and Emily and I went for a long walk and well, I guess winter isn't all bad.

 

 

 

we also laughed. A LOT.

Last Friday afternoon my parents, Emily, my grandmother and I piled into the car and set off for Virginia to visit some family for the weekend.  As we were approaching the toll booths at the turnpike entrance, my mom turned around and joked, "Well, I hope anyone didn't forget anything! Like their toothbrush!"

And Emily said, "Whoops.  I forgot my toothbrush."

And that's when we added a stop at CVS to the itinerary.

We left Philadelphia at 3:00, which put us right outside of Washington D.C. at rush hour.  Do you know where you don't want to be on Friday at rush hour? Outside of Washington D.C.  We found ourselves in a forty mile bumper to bumper backup that solidified my decision to never, ever get a job that requires commuting into Washington D.C. 

Eventually, and I DO MEAN EVENTUALLY, the road opened up a bit and we reached our destination (after our CVS/toothbrush pit stop) around 9:00. 

 

 

 On Saturday we slept late, had a big breakfast, went to the movies, and had a big dinner.  So basically it was my dream day.

 

 We also played with my aunt's very cute three legged dog named Molly.

On Sunday we woke up a bit earlier and went to Mass at a monastery.  Emily and I took a photo of ourselves on the drive over because we are very humble.

 

My fantastic eyes in this photo are brought to you by my great aunt's eyeliner.  I realized on Saturday morning that I had forgotten to pack mine and you can imagine the histrionics that followed.  I love nothing more than some good fabricated drama.  Luckily my aunt had some eyeliner that she wasn't using and the weekend was saved.

After church we went to brunch at Mimi's where I discovered the wonder that is eggs benedict florentine, a much fancier alternative to my typical daily breakfast of an Oreo dipped in peanut butter and half a cup of coffee. 

 We relaxed for a little while on Sunday afternoon before going to my great aunt and uncle's house for dinner and the Super Bowl.  I didn't even know who was playing until about two hours before kickoff, but once the score became close I got incredible joy out of saying "Ladies and gentleman, we have ourselves a football game" over and over because I am a riot.

 On Monday morning we packed the car and all I have to say is it's a real shame my family doesn't like Vera Bradley.

 We stopped at Cracker Barrel for lunch on the way home because it's not a trip if it doesn't end with fried chicken and dumplings.

...and a self portrait photo shoot.

 ...and an impressive display of maturity.

 

maybe it's a washington d.c. thing...

Look.  On the drive to visit family this weekend we saw something puzzling.  Restricted lanes.  Open to all traffic.

I love it.

after all this, i did take my car to a real mechanic

On Thursday, Matt said he would swing by my apartment after work to check on my car's brake issue. Since I got home early, I decided to check out the status of the brake fluid reservoir for myself before he arrived.

Do you like how I used brake fluid reservoir into that sentence like it's a phrase I throw around all the time?

Anyway, I went out to my car it was nothing short of miraculous that I was even able to pop the hood and figure out how to prop it up. And then I took a photo of the insides and it to Matt with the message, "OK - CAN YOU TELL ME WHICH ONE IS THE BRAKE FLUID RESERVOIR?"

I know what you're thinking.  OH LAURA DARLING HAS A FUTURE IN AUTOMOTIVE MECHANICS.

While I waited for a response I just stood there and looked at the mess of wires and hoses and compartments.  Not moving.  Just staring.

A few minutes later a maintenance truck for the apartment complex came down the hill.  TALK ABOUT MIRACULOUS. As the truck got closer, I saw my favorite maintenance man behind the wheel.  I will take this moment to say I never thought there would be a point in my life when I would have a favorite maintenance man.  

But I do and his name is Marv.

Since Michelle and I moved into this apartment last year, we have called the maintenance department no less than twenty times.  We call for all sorts of reasons - ranging from broken heat and refrigerators to burned out light bulbs. 

We also blow fuses with impressive regularity and call for help every time.

Marv has the honor of being a frequent responder to our calls for maintenance related assistance.  He is a gentleman of around sixty, weighs about 300 pounds, and has a freshly lit cigarette with him at every moment.  One time last summer he came to fix (yet another) blown fuse and as he left our apartment he said, "Welp, you ladies have a good weekend.  I'm going home, getting a shower, and then...I'm goin' clubbin."

More power to ya, Marv.

Anywho Marv pulled up next to me on Thursday, rolled down his window, and said, "Well young lady, you don't look like you're dressed for car repair.  Is everything all right?"

Marv, if everything was alright, I would not be standing outside in the 17 degree weather in my high heels staring blankly at the inner workings of my car.  I explained the situation and Marv got out of his truck, just like I knew he would, to take a look at things.  He leaned into the hood of my car with his burning cigarette and I crossed my fingers and hoped he wouldn't get it too close to anything combustible because THEN I'D REALLY BE IN TROUBLE.

He started speaking in automotive terms until I finally said, "PLEASE, MARV, DUMB IT DOWN.  I drive 4 miles to work each day.  Can this car be safely driven 4 miles tomorrow morning?"

The answer to that was yes, yes it could.

Matt still came over on his way home from work.  He checked things out, took Old Blue for a spin, and assured me I was safe to drive.  And then he started explaining brakes and pistons and sensors to me just like Marv had, and at the conclusion of his detailed explanation I said, "I don't really know what any of that meant."

And Matt sighed and said "IT'S BASIC FLUID MECHANICS! DON'T YOU KNOW BASIC FLUID MECHANICS?"

The answer to that is no, no I don't.  

Unless you're talking about the mechanics of the fluids wine and/or chocolate milk and then I'M YOUR GIRL.

Happy Monday!

Well, as Robert Burns liked to say in the mid-1700s, the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.  Apparently, so do the best laid plans of Oh Laura Darling.

I was planning to attend a conference for work this week, and was going to begin my two hour drive after lunch today. 

Now here's where the "awry" part comes in.

On my way to work this morning Old Blue began to beep loudly due to LOW BRAKE FLUID.  I know that because the warning kept flashing on my dashboard in VERY PUSHY CAPITAL LETTERS. 

The beeping went away after a little bit, and I hypothesized that perhaps things just weren't up to par mechanically because it was only 6 degrees outside this morning.  And let's be honest, it's even difficult for humans to function at full capacity when it is 6 degrees outside.

However, upon consultation with my mechanics (aka my father and Matt) I decided it might be in my best interest to seek an alternate mode of transportation to the meeting.

And so plans were juggled a little bit and I rode with a co-worker.  We left the office around 2:30 and made a pit stop at Dunkin' Donuts, the land where all good road trips begin.

We've driven to many, many meetings together, but typically I drive and she navigates/controls the GPS.  Today our roles were reversed and as I set up the GPS she said, "I won't need it on for the whole drive.  You can turn it off when we get on that main road...you know...the one we're on most of the way...?"

"Do you mean...the turnpike?"  

She meant the turnpike.

Listen.  It's really a wonder that we've successfully transported ourselves to all these meetings over the last year and a half.

We ate and talked and laughed for the whole two hour drive, checked into the hotel, and then immediately went downstairs to the hotel restaurant for dinner.  The restaurant opened at 5:00 and we got there before the doors were even unlocked.

We don't mess around when it comes to meal time. 

After dinner we went straight to a reception in another part of the hotel and spent the next hour and a half mingling and dining on cheese and veggies and a wide assortment of cookies.

The reception was over at 7:30, and as we were leaving some co-workers invited us to go to Chili's with them. AND WHO WERE WE TO TURN DOWN ANOTHER OPPORTUNITY TO DINE?

So basically I've been eating non-stop for the last eight and a half hours.

I talked to Matt when I got back to my room and filled him in on my big day o' eating, and he said he might start calling me Miss Piggy.  I said he should call me MISS TAKING FULL ADVANTAGE OF HER EXPENSE DOLLARS.

 And to top the night off, I just looked in my hotel information packet for the wireless access information so I could type this riveting post, and what to my wondering eyes did appear but this little gem...

A case sensAtive password.

How unAque.

if only i had been able to schedule in a spa day

My morning routine is exactly the same, every single day.  It does not vary AT ALL, and that is intentional.  I do love a routine, especially between the hours of 6:00 and 8:00 a.m.  I make my coffee at 7:38, and I do everything involved in the coffee making process the exact same way in the exact same order.

So, imagine my surprise when I got to work on Friday and took my first sip of coffee and realized that I forgot one very important ingredient.

The coffee.

There's nothing like starting your Friday with a big gulp of lukewarm water with terribly diluted white chocolate mocha creamer.

YUM.

Luckily that was not a sign of things to come for the weekend ahead, and the day started to look up when I was able to leave work at about 2:30.  I went to Target the bank and the post office and then came home and lounged on the couch and watched tv with Michelle.  

We discussed our plans for the evening and I told her that Matt was planning to come over for a little while.  She asked what time and I said, "Not until after work.  Probably around 6 or so.  I sure hope I'm finished relaxing by then."

Says the girl who left work two hours early and then strolled Target the bank and post office.

On Saturday I rose at the crack of nine thirty and went bridesmaids dress shopping for my cousin's big day! We had so much fun and all said yes to a dress. 

On Sunday I knew it was time to face the music and tackle two of my most loved and hated chores.  Cleaning out my car and my purse.  The situation in my car has been getting progressively worse, and when I put my purse through the security scanner at the courthouse the other day one of the sheriffs asked me if I was carrying an incandescent light bulb in my purse.

The answer is yes, yes I was.

I have no idea why.

However, if I found myself in a situation where it was appropriate to perform "You Light Up My Life" to someone, I would have had the perfect prop to accompany my singing.

After my car and purse were both restored to an acceptable state, I went over to Matt's.  I ended up staying for dinner because THAT MAN IS A CHEF. 

I came home after dinner and created a bubble bath for myself.  One of my New Year's resolutions was to take more baths in an effort to increase my relaxation. (Please note that I do indeed take one, sometimes two showers per day.)  

I haven't taken an actual bath since about 1996, and I remember my parents setting a maximum limit on the water depth.  Probably because if they didn't, the splashing and the water bill would have both been a little out of control.

Well, last night I filled that tub up all the way and poured a moderate to substantial portion of the bottle of bubbles in.  

 

What I failed to account for was the whole principle of water displacement.

I never was a whiz with fluid mechanics.

And the result was the Great Flood of 2013.  

Lots of people say that your high school years are the best years of your life.  And the people who hated high school say that your college years are actually your best years.

I loved both my high school and college years.  However, I think I have a pretty sweet gig going right now.  I know that I will eventually have a husband and children and a mortgage and many more people and responsibilities to think about than I do right now.  

 And while I'm sure I will love that time in my life too, I bet every now and then I will look back and miss the days when I WONDERED IF I RELAXED ENOUGH.

And this weekend, I think I did.