i feel like these two photos sum up my philosophy on excercise

I opened my email today to find this, an email from the Map My Run app congratulating me on having the app for four years.  

Well, the promise of seeing all that I've accomplished was too great a temptation to ignore.  So I kept scrolling down to see my stats.  Get ready...

8 workouts.

In four years.

An average of 2.5 miles once every six months.

And I know the app is called Map My Run but I most certainly assure you that I did not run one time during any of those many workouts.  If they had an app called Map My Neighborhood Stroll, I would have downloaded that.

I can't wait to see where I'll be in four more years!  For now, I'm off to make a bowl of ice cream.  I think the walk to the kitchen is at least 45 steps.  I should map that run.

when nature calls in the middle of petsmart. alternately titled: i am never getting a dog

It's been a while since I've mentioned my mom and dad's dog, Pearl. 

Pearl is two now. She is like a dog from a movie with a personality I really cannot accurately describe in words, but let's just say that when I imagine what goes on in Pearl's mind, it is ALL IN CAPITAL LETTERS WITH LOTS OF EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!!

Pearl is an English Springer Spaniel.  She's a beautiful dog, super smart and very strong.

I feel like I'm writing her profile for a dating website.  She likes long walks on the beach and romantic comedies.

Pearl also has anxiety and when I fed her dinner tonight I had to squeeze five drops of hemp oil onto her Purina.  She loves to find treasures.  She almost always brings a treasure home from a walk.  She's not picky.  It could be a napkin, a glove, a plastic bag, a rock.  Whatever she can find on the sidewalk.  One time my parents let her out into the backyard and she proudly pranced back to the door with a frozen rabbit in her mouth.  

Pearl is crazy about my mom.  But she is OBSESSED with my dad.  He works from home so the two of them spend a lot of time together, and she wants to be on top of him at all times.  Literally.  I was at their house one time and he couldn't even tie his shoes because she was sitting on his feet.  

She isn't supposed to go upstairs, but if she knows someone is up there and she is downstairs, her heart breaks and she lets you know it.  There was a time when my mom, in order to go upstairs in peace, put Pearl in the kitchen and then walked out the garage door so Pearl would think she was leaving the house.  And then she walked around the house, came back in the front door, which was out of Pearl's line of vision, and snuck upstairs.  

My mom is sick today, and my dad was out of town for work.  My mom dropped Pearl off at doggy day camp this morning and I offered to go pick her up this afternoon.  Pearl LOVES doggy day camp.  She loves it so much that she was banned from puppy playtime for about a year because, get this, TOO FRIENDLY.  She didn't pick up on the social cues the other dogs gave when they didn't want to play with her anymore.  They would try to send the message that they weren't interested in playing but NEVERTHELESS, SHE PERSISTED.  And then nevertheless she got sent to solitary confinement until she could mature.

She was recently allowed to rejoin puppy playtime and so far she's managed to control herself.

When I got to Petsmart to pick Pearl up, the woman working said "Have you ever seen her in action during playtime?"  I told I hadn't and she said, "She's really matured a lot.  We had to pull her out for a while but she's gotten a lot better.  Although she does get time outs eventually."  

And at that moment I heard the sound of a dog slamming itself against the door, and turns out it was Pearl.  She was ALL CAPS SO EXCITED!!!!

I don't know if she thinks she's going on some grand adventure as opposed to home, but she gets so excited to go anywhere.  She practically strangles herself on her leash.  One time my dad dropped her off at doggy daycamp and they didn't want to let her in because they said it sounded like she had kennel cough.  My dad tried to tell them it was just that she was straining herself on her leash, and then took her to the vet for the official diagnosis of  strained larynx due to excessive leash excitement.

Anyway, the man escorting Pearl handed over the reins (or leash, but really, she needs reins) and said, "She had a great day.  No time outs.  Three urinations.  No bowel movements."

For a second I thought I time traveled ahead a year and was picking my actual child up from daycare as opposed to old Pearl from Petsmart.

As I led her to the door, she smelled every single shelf we passed, jumped on two people, and then.

Then.

Then we got about fifteen feet from the front door. Right in front of the registers, where there were two lines of people staring straight at us.

And nature called.

Pearl squatted right down to do her business.  And by business, I mean we could now put the bowel movement count for the day at one.  Also, I don't want to get too graphic here, but she's not a stationary squatter. No.  She walks and goes, leaving a smelly trail in her wake.  

I. Was. Mortified.  

I had to ask the cashier if she had anything I could use to clean up and she handed me a plastic bag and roll of paper towels.  While I knelt down to clean it up, Pearl was back to her normal looney toon self, running circles around me and bouncing amongst her many piles of...evidence.  

I got it cleaned up, and one of us had our tail between our legs as we walked out of that store and here's a hint, IT WASN'T PEARL.

So, the moral of the story is that I hope Pearl's new family finds her as charming as we did.

Just kidding.  I brought her home, fed her dinner, squeezed her hemp oil on her dinner to help with her stress and anxiety and really considered taking some for myself.

A small glimpse of guilt.

I really could have used it because I drove to my own house expecting peace and calmness, only to find Matt on the back stoop with a chicken submerged in a five gallon bucket of warm water as he tried to alleviate her situation of being egg bound.

Please don't ask me for details on that.  I can't even talk about it.

And guess what's coming to our house tomorrow?  Four baby chicks.

Just call me the reluctant Dr. Doolittle.

show us your books - march

Well since I've finally returned from falling off the face of the earth, I'm excited to share book posts with Steph and Jana again!

The first book I read was Small Great Things by Jodi Picoult.  I've been on the waiting list for a long time and it was finally my turn.  I was hooked immediately and this was most definitely a page-turner, and extremely thought-provoking.  As a paralegal I find stories about trials and courtrooms fascinating, so I loved this book for that aspect as well.

Ruth Jefferson is a labor and delivery nurse at a Connecticut hospital with more than twenty years’ experience. During her shift, Ruth begins a routine checkup on a newborn, only to be told a few minutes later that she’s been reassigned to another patient. The parents are white supremacists and don’t want Ruth, who is African American, to touch their child. The hospital complies with their request, but the next day, the baby goes into cardiac distress while Ruth is alone in the nursery. Does she obey orders or does she intervene?

Ruth hesitates before performing CPR and, as a result, is charged with a serious crime. Kennedy McQuarrie, a white public defender, takes her case but gives unexpected advice: Kennedy insists that mentioning race in the courtroom is not a winning strategy. Conflicted by Kennedy’s counsel, Ruth tries to keep life as normal as possible for her family—especially her teenage son—as the case becomes a media sensation. As the trial moves forward, Ruth and Kennedy must gain each other’s trust, and come to see that what they’ve been taught their whole lives about others—and themselves—might be wrong.

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Next up was another library wait list book, Where the Crawdads Sing.  I think I'm the last person in the world to read it and I loved it just as much as I hoped it would.  Thanks to a snow day and a late night I read this one in 48 hours.  First of all, the writing was absolutely beautiful. It was almost poetic.  The descriptions of the back bays and marshes where the story is set were so vivid that it was almost like the setting was it's very own character in the story.  And the story was fantastic.  I had a few theories bout the ending but the actual ending threw me for a loop!  This book also also features a trial, which my legal mind loved.

For years, rumors of the "Marsh Girl" have haunted Barkley Cove, a quiet town on the North Carolina coast. So in late 1969, when handsome Chase Andrews is found dead, the locals immediately suspect Kya Clark, the so-called Marsh Girl. But Kya is not what they say. Sensitive and intelligent, she has survived for years alone in the marsh that she calls home, finding friends in the gulls and lessons in the sand. Then the time comes when she yearns to be touched and loved. When two young men from town become intrigued by her wild beauty, Kya opens herself to a new life--until the unthinkable happens.

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I also read The Woman in Cabin 10.  Sometimes I'm in the mood for a good thriller, and this hit the spot.  Although I went into it thinking it was going to be about a cabin in the woods, and it was about a cabin on a cruise ship, I still enjoyed it.  It didn't hold a candle to the writing in Crawdads, but it passed time on a rainy weekend just fine.  Again, I was SHOCKED at the ending.  I need to just stop trying to guess how books will end.

Lo Blacklock, a journalist who writes for a travel magazine, has just been given the assignment of a lifetime: a week on a luxury cruise with only a handful of cabins. The sky is clear, the waters calm, and the veneered, select guests jovial as the exclusive cruise ship, the Aurora, begins her voyage in the picturesque North Sea. At first, Lo’s stay is nothing but pleasant: the cabins are plush, the dinner parties are sparkling, and the guests are elegant. But as the week wears on, frigid winds whip the deck, gray skies fall, and Lo witnesses what she can only describe as a dark and terrifying nightmare: a woman being thrown overboard. The problem? All passengers remain accounted for—and so, the ship sails on as if nothing has happened, despite Lo’s desperate attempts to convey that something (or someone) has gone terribly, terribly wrong…

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And because the first three books I read were on the more intense side of things, I decided to even things out a bit with an Elin Hilderbrand.  If you're looking to read a fantastic book that will change your life, don't pick this up.  If you're looking to read a light novel set on Nantucket (of course) with several love stories, a wedding that almost isn't, a widower, a secret relationship, an affair, high school sweethearts, a perfect couple, and a groomsman going into anaphalctic shock at the rehearsal dinner from a previously undiscovered shellfish allergy (don't worry he's fine) then this is the book for you.

The Carmichaels and the Grahams have gathered on Nantucket for a happy occasion: a wedding that will unite their two families. Plans are being made according to the wishes of the bride's late mother, who left behind The Notebook: specific instructions for every detail of her youngest daughter's future nuptials. Everything should be falling into place for the beautiful event -- but in reality, things are falling apart.

While the couple-to-be are quite happy, their loved ones find their lives crumbling. In the days leading up to the wedding, love will be questioned, scandals will arise, and hearts will be broken and healed. Elin Hilderbrand takes readers on a touching journey in Beautiful Day -- into the heart of marriage, what it means to be faithful, and how we choose to honor our commitments.

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What did your read this month?  I'm always looking for suggestions to add to my library request list!

all i'm saying is, the dining room better be finished by august

For eight years, I've written hundreds of posts on this blog about absolutely nothing.  I thought maybe I'd finally run out of ways to make my mundane life seems humorous and worth writing and reading about, and that it might be time to hanging up the proverbial blogging hat.

And then things got interesting around here and I finally have some material again.

We are in the midst of another home renovation, this time the dining room.  The progress is, not fast.  Matt and I are one week away from our fifth wedding anniversary, and if we don't make it, it will be because of this dining room.

We have four baby chicks arriving on March 26th.

And oh yeah, I'm having a baby.

Oh baby Darling is set to arrive on or about August 17th.  I know you're not supposed to share your birthday wishes, but when I blew out my 30th birthday candles on August 18th, I wished this would be the year, and now I'm due the day before I turn 31.

So that's really been the main thing that been keeping me preoccupied and/or asleep for the last three months.  I'm easing back into this blogging thing, so instead of paragraphs and a narrative structure, let's go with bullet points:

- For the better part of December, and all of January, the smell, thought, or sight of most food made me nauseous.  I don't think I will ever eat the following foods again: chicken breast, fried onions, stir-fry, cranberry juice, and eggs.  Which is unfortunate because did you read that part above about how we are getting four new chickens?  The MVP of those weeks was toast with peanut butter and banana.  Sometimes it was the only thing I ate for days.  Since thinking about eating made me sick, I wouldn't eat, and then being hungry would make me feel sick.  Reading made me sick, showering made me sick, sewing made me sick, even driving sometimes made me sick and if a truck that smelled strongly of exhaust passed by me, FORGET IT.  There were lots of mornings that I got out of bed, showered, and got right back in bed thinking WHY WOULD ANYONE EVER WANT A SECOND CHILD?

I think that part is beyond me now because with the exception of the aforementioned list, here is my current motto about food: BRING IT ON. 

Also, it's hard to believe that I only felt crummy for maybe two months tops, because it felt like years.  Longest two months of my life.  To women who are sick for nine whole months, I don't know how you survive.

- I still take a nap almost every evening.  This is how my Fitbit looks.

- I went to the doctor last week and she asked if I had any questions.  I had two, but I only asked one (which was how dangerous is lunch meat REALLY?).  I don't want her to think I am vain so I skipped my second question, which was, "When does the pregnancy glow arrive?" because I have never looked worse in my entire life.  One day my hair is coarse and wiry, and the next it looks like I've doused it with olive oil.  My lips are dry and cracking no matter how much water I drink and Aquaphor I use.  And my skin.  Oh Lord, my skin.  My complexion would never have won any awards, but it's never been worse than it has recently.  Last weekend my three year old niece asked me why I have so many boo boos on my face.  I've heard girls steal your beauty and if that's the case, this baby is a girl and she's going to be Miss America, because I look like nine miles of bad road.

- Is there an old wives tale about which gender steals your brain?  Because mine has teamed up with my beauty and taken a hike.  The other day I went to the Dunkin' Donuts drive thru, ordered my food, got to the window, and when the man told me my total I realized I had nothing with me.  No purse.  No wallet.  No change in my pockets.  All I had was my good looks and as I've mentioned, THOSE AREN'T SO GOOD ANYMORE.  Other things I've forgotten to do: turn of the gas stove burner, turn off the space heater, pay my Macy's bill, take my insurance card with me when I left the pharmacy, and turn my car off before I walk away from it.  More than once.

- I've also been slacking on the household chores, and God bless Matt for not even saying anything when I went to put away laundry and realized he had been fresh out of clean undies for who knows how long, and he said, "It's no problem, I just turned my old pairs inside out and wore them again."  I wish I could say that's the first time in our married life that's happened, but it's not.  But at least this time I have an excuse.

- The other day I googled "how do you care for a newborn?" because it occurred to me that's something we are going to have to do in a few months. Does someone tell you how often to feed them? And bathe them? And change them? And what temperature should their bedroom be?  And how you're supposed to leave the house amidst the whole feeding/napping schedule? I got overwhelmed with the results and figure I'll just call my mom.

- Matt's been googling too, but his searches are far more scientific and not really about things I want to spend lots of time discussing.  Don't talk to me about a water birth.  I want to be on a bed pumped up with as many drugs as they'll give me.  Matt also asks me questions as if I am a baby expert.  I immediately google the question and then nonchalantly respond like OF COURSE I have the knowledge stored in my head of when babies can start eating applesauce, and why they can breathe in fluid right now, but once they're born, can't breathe underwater.

- So far I'm still wearing all my normal clothes, but I'll be honest, I wrestled myself into a pair of dress pants today and I didn't think the buttons were going to hang on until 4:00, but they soldiered on.  Matt said he hoped the hydraulic pressure didn't affect the shape of the baby's head.  THANKS FOR GIVING ME SOMETHING ELSE TO WORRY ABOUT MATT.

- In all honesty, we don't feel that worried or anxious about this whole thing.  Which is unusual because normally, if there's something to worry about, I'll worry.  And even if there's not something to worry about, I'll worry.  We're just happy.  I read the baby's little ears can start to hear this week.  I am glad that what he or she has probably heard so far has been a lot of laughter.  I hope it makes him or her funny, because I love funny people.  And they've also heard some bad singing (I swear I sound just like Carrie Underwood in my head).  I'll just have to make sure that from now on, I whisper when I nag about the speed of the dining room progress.

i guess i shouldn't throw stones at goose flutes, since i'm sitting in a glass house wearing ankle suspenders

Well, hello.

Happy Friday.

I'm in my PJs, enjoying a fire, and listening to the melodic notes of a goose flute.

If you think that last part is a joke, you must be new around here.  

The Amazon truck pulled up around dinnertime.  I didn't know we were expecting a package until Matt said, "Oh awesome! I bet that's the goose flute I overnighted!"

On the off chance you're not currently in the market for a goose flute, the going price for one is about twenty dollars.  Since Amazon requires a $35 minimum for one day delivery, Matt needed to add an item to the order, so naturally he bought something else we really need.

A Canada Hammer goose call.

In case your husband doesn't spend Friday evenings practicing all manner of goose calls, let me tell you, they're not quiet.  In fact, Matt just said, "Do you think the neighbors can hear me?"

I think the Canadian goose IN CANADA can probably hear you.

There's nothing like hunting season.

Since our Friday night goings-on aren't all that exciting, I'll share a local weather report.  Yesterday, NOVEMBER FIFTEENTH, we got our first winter storm, which consisted of a few inches of snow, topped off by ice, all falling on untreated roadways which quickly transformed into skating rinks.

My office closed early and I got on the road at 1:30.  I live 14 miles from the office and it took me nearly 3 hours to get home.  I wasn't too happy about sitting in my car for that long,  but I'll admit that I sure was happy to be sitting in a new SUV with four wheel drive as opposed to Old Blue.  

I was also happy about the heated seats.  

The defroster, however, threw me for a loop.  About 45 minutes into the drive, or more appropriately, the sit, my windshield started fogging up.  I figured it was because I was releasing so much hot air between my singing and talking (I called everyone on my favorites list.  Some of them three times-sorry mom).  So I turned the defroster to cold and cranked the AC up, which only did a mediocre job of clearing the windshield, and I was freezing.  Finally I called home (again) and asked my dad what temp the defroster should be on.  "HOT!"  he said.  "You're trying to melt the snow!"

Sure enough, right he was.  As soon as I turned it to warm, the window cleared right up.  And I stopped shivering.

Today's commute was much better.  I made it home in 1/6 of the time it took yesterday, and I was smiling when I walked in the door and kicked off my snowy boots right inside the front door.  That's when Matt said, "WHAT are you wearing?!"

I fought the skinny jeans trend for a long time, because I hate when the ankles of my pants get pushed up as I slide my feet into tall boots.  So, I came up with  solution.  I wear normal ankle socks, and cover them with a pair of knee highs to secure my ankles in place.  Basically, I've created ankle suspenders.  Patent pending.

Anyway, that was the style that I wore today.   

I texted my mom and Emily about it because a few years ago, the three of us we were out and we unexpectedly went shoe shopping.  I tried on a pair of shoes and happened to be sporting my ankle suspenders (patent pending) in the middle of DSW.  If Emily could have chosen one moment in her life to disappear out of sheer embarrassment, I think it would have been then.

I wasn't going to let Matt's fashion judgment ruin a good day.  Not only was it a dream commute, but at work I went to an Adoption Day celebration. I don't share much about work on here because I believe in the separation of work and blog, but I work in the child protective services/foster care/adoption field and the truth is, the majority of days are filled with pretty sad stuff.  It can sometimes feel like weeks or months go by without seeing a happy ending to a case.  

But today, nine children were adopted from the foster care system by five families.  And those children aren't brand new, perfect tiny babies.  They're kids of all ages who have complicated histories and trauma and deep hurts and scars, but now they also have moms and dads and families.  Forever.  I'll never forget the first Adoption Day I went to several years ago, and an older boy was adopted.  He said his main reason for wanting to be adopted wasn't so that he could have a mom and a dad, but so that someday, his future children would have grandparents.

November is Adoption Awareness Month.  Not everyone is meant to adopt!  But there are over 100,000 kids in the US right now waiting to be adopted (and hundreds of thousands more in foster care), and if you have an extra case of diapers at home, I guarantee your local children and youth services agency could use them.  An extra few dollars could sign a child in foster care up for the soccer team.  Or buy them their very own brand new winter jacket.  Or a toy from their Christmas wish list.  And for kids who really do sometimes come into foster care with nothing but the clothes on their backs, what might seem like something small to you and me, can have a huge impact on their life.

Okay.  This got serious so I should share that November is also National Peanut Butter Lovers Month and National Fondue Month, so please celebrate those accordingly!

Finally, if November isn't National Pretty Sunset Month, it should be.  I saw this as I walked out of the office tonight.  It was a good ending to a good day.  

hi mom!

I was out with my mom this weekend and she said she faithfully clicks over to my blog every morning hoping to see a new post, and gets so sad when she sees the same old post that's been there since October 23rd.

But since I've got to keep my status as the favorite child, here I am!

A new store opened in our area a few weeks ago called Home Sense.  I'd heard that it was like "Home Goods on steroids" and I love nothing more than a huge store full of discount home decor, so we decided to make a trip out on Saturday.  For the last few years, my mom has done 99.9% of the driving when we go out together, but since I have a new reliable vehicle, I drove this weekend.

When my brother and I learned to drive we would always laugh because my mom used to press an imaginary brake pedal while she sat in the passenger seat, and would sometimes even hold onto the handle on the roof if we made a particularly hasty maneuver.  Oh, we were so wise and knowledgeable at sixteen.  Our silly mother!  Imagine!  Being nervous about a completely inexperienced child behind the wheel of a vehicle!

Of all the hypothetical future parenting tasks to worry about, here are my two biggest fears: teaching a child to ride a bike and drive a car.  I've already assigned those two jobs to Matt, along with any and all math homework.  Give me anything that can be done on solid ground and/or with a calculator.  If it has wheels or involves an equation with one or more variable, oh Laura Darling, OUT.

My dad was the one who taught me to ride a bike, which, from what I understand, was quite a challenge because I had a tendency to simply take my feet off of the pedals mid-ride.  My dad pretty much taught me to ride a bike with six words.  Those words were "KEEP YOUR FEET ON THE PEDALS!"

As it turns out, those words were good advice for me not only when it came to mastering a two-wheeler, but life in general.  When things look like they might go off track or what's coming from the other way is a little overwhelming, just keep your feet on the pedals.

I don't remember my dad teaching my brother to ride a bike, but I do remember being in the car while he taught Phil to drive a car.  And I remember he used three words for that, and said them three times in a row.  Those words were "Stop the car. Stop the car.  STOP THE CAR!!!"

It's almost like my dad gave the perfect advice that each of us would need for the rest of our lives.  To confirm this theory, I asked my sister what piece of dad's advice she remembered most, and she said "Easy --- Put a hat on, the barometer is falling." 

Theory confirmed.

But it certainly wasn't just my dad who gave advice. 

We didn't have a dishwasher at our house until I was in high school. 

Until then, we used disposable EVERYTHING.

Just kidding.  We hand washed. 

We also had side salads with dinner every single night in little wooden salad bowls that couldn't go in the dishwasher when we got one.  When my brother and I would do the dishes, my mom would motion with both hands and remind us, "Don't put the salad bowls in the dishwasher."

Eventually she would just do the hand motion and we would say "We know! Don't put the salad bowls in the dishwasher!"  

As time went on, the directive kind of took on a general meaning of do the right thing/act like I expect/don't let me down.  Now, years later, if mom does that hand motion or says "Don't put the salad bowls in the dishwasher," we all know exactly what she's really saying.

While it's not necessarily advice, another thing my mom always says is "There is always hope."  No matter the circumstances or situation, there is always hope.

Maybe that's what I was thinking when I kept taking my feet off the pedals and hoping for the best.

Or what my mom is thinking every morning when she opens my blog.

what do a car, a hunting trip, and minneapolis have in common? absolutely nothing.

1 - I have the day off tomorrow and I am joining Matt on an early morning pheasant hunting trip.  I'm not going to be hunting, just walking along, providing commentary, and hoping we stop for breakfast afterwards.  We just got our outfits (gear?  outerwear?) ready and while I don't have to wear camo (or as I call it, a leaf suit), tomorrow will be the day we find out if neon orange is my color.  I don't think Dick Cheney is in Pennsylvania right now, but I still don't want to be sadly mistaken by another hunter as a bird so whether or not neon orange is flattering, I'll be wearing it.

The game commission stocks pheasant sometime between Tuesday and Friday.  Tomorrow is Wednesday so there will either be 300 birds, or zero.  Tonight Matt said, "I hope they stocked today, or else it's just going to be a long, cold walk in the woods with you and my shotgun."

Which sounds like the beginning of a country song.

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2 - On Sunday afternoon I had a meal planning extravaganza and then I went to Aldi and filled my cart to the brim.  I got in line, loaded all of my food on the belt, and at the very moment the cashier told me the total, I realized I didn't have my wallet with me. Or my purse.  The only money I had was the quarter I had to pay to rent the cart. 

I panicked for a moment, and then told the cashier shamefully that I didn't have my wallet.  She thought I meant that I left it in the car, and said, "No problem, just run out to your car and get it."  And even though I knew full well it wasn't in my car, I SAID OKAY AND WENT ALONG WITH IT.

And I walked out to my car for what I knew would be a fruitless search, I figured I had two options.  I could either drive home, pretend it didn't happen, and never show my face at that Aldi again, or walk back in and admit that my wallet was in my purse.  

In my kitchen.  

In my house.

Ultimately I chose the latter because my future grocery budget depends on Aldi's low prices.  The cashier was so nice and when I returned home with my wallet 20 minutes later, she told me they had even put my cart in the cooler to keep my cheese and yogurt cold.

Three cheers for Aldi.

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3 - Every so often I offer to Matt that if he just says the word, I will happily become a stay at home wife.  I try to tempt him with promises of a spotless, tidy home and elaborate dinners and consistently clean laundry.  So far he hasn't taken me up on my offer, but he happens to be off this week and I am 

changing my tune about who should be the stay at home spouse.  

It's been amazing.  He has woken up early, made a huge pot of coffee, cooked bacon and eggs and homemade waffles for me before I leave for work.  This morning he did all of that AND spread fertilizer over the lawn AND talked to our neighbor Rob before I was even out of my pajamas.  He goes to the dry cleaner and runs errands and makes delicious dinners and I kid you not, I just sat down on the couch to write this blog post and he walked in with this freshly made brownie.

Life is good.

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4 - I got a new car. I have mixed feelings about this because if my life was a television show, Old Blue would win the Emmy for best supporting actress every year and it was sad to say goodbye.  There is no way I can tell this story in less than a thousand words so for now I'll just say my new car a Hyundai Santa Fe and I know there are tons of cars out there that are more luxurious and powerful and have all kinds of bells and whistles, but I happen to feel like the fanciest, luckiest lady in the world when I drive my new Hyundai.

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5 - I visited Emily in Minnesota last weekend.  We both flew into Minneapolis for the weekend and spent four days traversing the Mall of America, downtown Minneapolis, drinking all the coffee and talking non-stop.  This event also requires a post of its own but I'm proud to say I was still able to zip both my carry-on and my jeans after a weekend at the Mall of America.

And that's all for today, folks.  

i'm back and i'm just as mediocre as ever

I started writing a long post but then I read it back to myself and it was the most boring thing I've ever read.  And that's saying something because I used to read the St. David School directory every single night from about ages 8 through 13 while I ate a bowl of ice cream before bed.  I'm not kidding.  I had the names, parents' names, emergency contacts, and addresses for every kid in our school memorized.

Sometimes I would even take it up to my bedroom to study it.  And then my mom would need to call a parent from school and because it was 1998 she didn't have the phone numbers programmed in the home phone and I can hear her voice in my head right now saying "Laura! Where the directory?!"

Anyway, I deleted the whole post and decided to steal an idea from Michelle and share the last 5 photos on my phone:

-1-

 I got this text from Matt as I was leaving my mom and dad's house on Saturday afternoon.  A cut that he thought could be cured with some band-aids and Neosporin on Saturday afternoon ended up to be a trip to Urgent Care for four stitches in his wrist and a two week prescription for an antibiotic by Sunday. 

-2- 

We had to go to Virginia for a funeral on Tuesday night, and due to Matt's aforementioned wrist injury, I drove.  Here is a charming aspect of Matt's personality: he cannot keep his unsolicited comments (of which there are MANY) to himself when I am behind the wheel of my very own car with my very own driver's license that I have had for sixteen years with no issue.  I drive too fast.  I drive too slow.  I change lanes without looking long enough.  I look too long before I change lanes.  I spend too much time looking in my rear view mirror.  I stay next to other cars for too long.  I brake too hard. I don't brake hard enough. I ease up on the gas when I pass.  I don't give it enough gas when I pass.  By the time we got on I-95 I had HAD IT with the Goldilocks in my passenger seat.

We finally arrived (safely, I might add, my compliments to the driver) to our hotel at about 10:30.  I'll just put it out there, we had a reservation at the Hawthorn Suites in Sterling, Virginia.  Travelers beware.  I'm pretty sure we witnessed a drug deal while we were waiting to check in, and when we got to our room, the air conditioner didn't work.  It was also a non-smoking room which smelled like an ashtray and my face started itching the moment we walked in.  ANYWAY after a ton of back and forth with the manager, who told us we couldn't check out and he also couldn't give us our money back or fix the air conditioner or give us another room because they were sold out, we informed him we would be fighting the charge on our credit card and leaving.   

We might not have high standards, but we have SOME standards.  

Or maybe we don't, because as we walked back to the car, I said to Matt, "Well, I guess it's a good thing I've watched some YouTube videos lately on how to sleep in your car."

He just looked at me, and I knew, we would not be sleeping in the car tonight with Matt on the case.

Which is good because I probably would have done it wrong anyway JUST KIDDING.

There was a Hyatt Place right down the road, so Matt ran in to see if they had any rooms and they did!  Except they were sold out of king beds so we got a room with two doubles.  By then it was past 11:00 and neither of us were in great moods so separate beds were probably for the best. 

Although Matt could not have been more thrilled with the Hyatt Place.  It was like a thirty year old man's version of Eloise in the Plaza.  He drank the free lemon water in the lobby by the cupful.  He rode the elevator.  He took the stairs.  He used the front door and the side door, spent over an hour at the breakfast buffet, and even checked out the outdoor swimming pool facility even though it's been closed for the season.  He sat on the couch and at the desk and stuck a candy bar in the fridge to keep it cold.  We were there for 10 hours and Matt got every single penny's worth.

-3- 

Kohl's has been having great sales lately and I officially bought my first kimono.  I wore it today and felt just adorable.  I took this photo to send to my sister and then I totally forgot I took it until I opened my phone just now.  So, I hope you're reading this Emily! I got a kimono!  And there's my vacuum! I don't know why I look surprised!

-4- 

Admittedly this photo is from a few weeks ago but I love it.  I saw Annie and Jack again this weekend because they came to stay at my parents.  I hung out there for a while and we went to the food store, and I had a major change of heart about a topic I've felt strongly about in the past.  And that is those tiny kid sized carts at the grocery store, more specifically kids using them on the weekend when the store is crowded. 

It's always kind of bugged me in the past because it turns out small children are terrible cart drivers (takes one to know one) but Annie got one this weekend, and it will go down as one of my top ten moments of the year.  She had the TIME OF HER LIFE.  I don't know that I've ever seen her so happy.  And you better believe she got in some people's way, but who the heck cares?  A lot of parents grocery shop on the weekends, and why should their kids not use those little carts because of grumpy people like me?  So, long live happy kids and tiny shopping carts on Saturdays.

-5-

Matt's best friend turned thirty last weekend and we went to a surprise birthday brunch for him.  I had to laugh because the two of them talked about stocks and 401ks and mortgages and so much grown up stuff, and then Matt snuck up on Bob from behind and put a temporary tattoo of Bob's face right in the middle of his forehead.  Some things never change.  You can't make old friends.

mirty and mixty

Well, I had in my head that tomorrow was the second Tuesday of the month and therefore, Show Us Your Books day.  I was all set to write about what I have been reading, and even stayed up late last night trying to finish "Educated" so that I could share my thoughts.  I felt like I was cramming for a final.  

Unfortunately, it turns out tomorrow is actually the third Tuesday, not the second, so, whoops.  Meet you back here in September to talk books!

In other news, and in case anyone is wondering, (no one is wondering) Old Blue passed inspection on round two.  I picked her up and did the drive of shame back home the day she failed due to her front brakes and rotors being completely shot.   

Matt bought new brakes and rotors and headed outside bright and early the next morning to change them.  He had asked me if I had noticed any unusual noises while driving and I said no, but when he went out to change them, he pulled my car into the street and backed it into the driveway. He came back into the kitchen and said "Come outside, I will show you what bad brakes sound like so you know for the future."

He pulled the car forward in the driveway and when he applied the brakes he said, "Do you hear that noise?" as we listened to a sound I can only describe as slow, airy pressure.

"Oh that noise? Yeah," I said, "I've been hearing that for months."

Turns out this was a case of the boy who cried wolf, or the girl who cried strange car noise. 

And the husband who dismissed the complaint until said car failed inspection.

Anyway, Matt changed the brakes and rotors in my car.  And then he mowed the lawn, put some finished touches on a concrete step he poured himself, and then came inside and made a cheesecake from scratch for my mom's birthday dinner.  We had my parents and my uncle for dinner on Saturday night.  We kept it easy and just did cheese steaks (which Matt cooked because he is a SHOWOFF) and we had such a nice time.

I have been working on my mom's present for months and months.  I won't share her age but it rhymes with "mixty" so I thought I would make her a special gift.  I made her a cross stitch, and each stitch represents a day on her life, and the color corresponds to the high temperature that day.  For example, the nineties are red, the eighties are orange, the seventies are peach, etc.  I used the archives on the Weather Underground website to find the temperatures, and worked on a year at a time.  It took me eight months and I've been burning the midnight oil the last few weeks to finish it.  I considered quitting somewhere around 1981, but I stuck with it and I am so glad I did.


I think she loved it.

This past weekend was my birthday and Matt and I went to the beach.  We both left work at lunch on Friday so we were at the beach house by 3:30.  Matt decided to take a bike ride and I headed for the ocean.  I was all by myself in my beach chair with my feet in the sand, reading my book by 4:00 Friday afternoon.  I cannot even tell you the last time I felt so relaxed.  I was so happy I could have cried.



I won't share how old I turned either, but it rhymes with "mirty" and I had some mixed feelings about it if I'm being honest.  But, we went out to dinner on Saturday night and I ordered a pina colada and the waitress carded me.  When she saw my license she was shocked that it was my mirthieth birthday.  Or at least she pretended to be shocked.

 


Either way, she got a good tip.

And I got another jar of Olay Regenerist.

unfortunately this blog post took an unexpected turn

Well, I'm here to report that no car windows have broken this week, but my car Old Blue is currently at the mechanic for her annual inspection and I am about as nervous as I could be.  It's ridiculous really.  I just hope she passes.  I hope they are nice to her.  I parked on a hill so I hope they remember to release the parking brake before driving her into the garage.  I hope they know sometimes the turn signal skips a beat but it always gets back into rhythm after a few seconds.

It's that time of year when all of these moms are talking about dropping their kids off to school and how a little piece of their heart is walking away from them and through those school doors and I'm over here thinking 

(PAUSE.  HOLD PLEASE. THIS IS A TEST OF THE EMERGENCY ALERT SYSTEM.)

As I was typing the sentence above, my phone rang and it was the mechanic calling to tell me that Old Blue needs front brakes and rotors to pass inspection.  

I called Matt to give him the news.  He wondered aloud when he last changed my brakes.  Since I just so happened to have my blog open, I searched the word "brakes" and found that they were changed in March of 2013 because I had written a blog post about it.

Every cent I've made off of this blog is now worth it.

That would be zero cents.

(throwback photo!)

Anyway.  I dropped the car off after work yesterday.  I had to stop at the grocery store first and bought a few things, including a lemon. It had been a long day on top of a long week and when I got to the self-checkout and it was time to pay for my lemon, I clicked the "unpackaged produce button"  on the self-checkout screen, then the "vegetable" button, and then the "L-N" button. 

I couldn't believe it, but it seemed that they had forgotten to add lemon to the options for L vegetables.  I scrolled and scrolled, and not a lemon to be found.  

There were leeks.  Several varieties of lettuce.  Something called a loquat.

But no lemon.

I stared at the screen for so long that the supervising cashier came over to assist me, and when I told her there was no option for lemon, she said, "That's because you're in the vegetable section.  A lemon is a fruit."

Of course a lemon is a fruit.  I know that.  But here is my proposal for grocery stores far and wide.  Put all produce in the same category.  Just lump it all together.  By the time I get to the self-checkout screen, I usually don't have enough brain power left to remember what produce is a fruit, and what is a vegetable, and that some stores call sweet potatoes yams, and I don't know 47 varieties of onions, I know yellow and red.  I don't know the difference between white and yellow, or what constitutes a sweet onion, or a vidalia, and that a tomato is technically a fruit but is commonly accepted as a vegetable and is therefore in the vegetable category.

Let's get back to basics.

I got myself checked out so it all worked out in the end, and now the only lemon I have to worry about is my car.

Just kidding.  My car isn't a lemon, it's just getting old.  

But with all of these lemons in my life, maybe I should make lemonade as the old saying goes.  I certainly know where to find the sugar in the grocery store.