all good things must come to an end

Well.  I just returned from an amazing few days at the beach with Emily and my mom.  We walked and ate and talked and read and tanned and laughed and sat in sand chairs with beach towels on our heads.

Okay, just Emily did that last thing.

 

 To be fair, I'm pretty sure this was right after I spent half an hour telling her some ridiculous made up explanation about how the word "dolphin" actually originated from the words "dual fin" and that the technical term for seagulls is Mid Atlantic Sea Birds (none of which is true, by the way) and she JUST NEEDED A BREAK FROM ALL THE TALKING.

And I'm used to it.  It's not the first time I've seen her do it.

 

Some things never change.

 

the one without a clever conclusion

Well, today was a strange day.

It all started when I stopped by the grocery store on the way to work.  We were having a little birthday celebration for a co-worker this morning and, not surprisingly, I was in charge of bringing the funk. 

Oh just kidding.  I was in charge of bringing the flowers. 

True to form I found myself overwhelmed with the options and spent about ten minutes deliberating between purple daisies or some gorgeous sunflowers.  As I was looking I heard a voice say, "Excuse me, are the roses part of the $9.99 sale as well?"  I kept my attention focused on the task at hand until a moment later when I felt a tap on my shoulder.  I turned around and saw a man standing next to me.  "Excuse me young lady- I asked you to tell me if the roses are part of the $9.99 sale."

"I'm sorry, I said, "I don't work here."

"Oh," he replied.  "Well you SURE look like you do."  

I glanced down for a second to make sure that I hadn't accidentally gotten dressed that morning in khaki pants, a hunter green golf shirt, matching baseball cap, and giant button proclaiming ASK ME ABOUT DOUBLE COUPONS! 

Sure enough I wearing a black dress with tiny white polka dots and a cute little bow, and black high heels. I am going to choose to think that the gentleman thought I was an employee not because I looked like one in the physical sense, but rather because I was exuding botanical knowledge.  That's what happens when you volunteer to be the gardener for the rooftop garden at work I guess.  COMES WITH THE TERRITORY.

I decided on the daisies and we had our little breakfast birthday celebration at work, and then it was time to pack up for what was going to be a full day at court.  Another paralegal was going with me, and we each had a cart with two huge boxes of files.  Getting the files from our office to the courtroom took thirty four minutes and required two security guards, access to the VIP elevator, one band-aid, and four sheriff's deputies.  

When we finally, AND I DO MEAN FINALLY, got to the courtroom, there was a woman already there that I didn't recognize.  She walked right over to me and said, "Good morning! Are you an intern?"

What I really wanted to do what say "I  FEEL LIKE I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO I AM TODAY," but she was nice and I get the intern question quite frequently I just said, "No, I'm the paralegal."

And then I gave her floral advice!

The day was extremely long it didn't help that the fire alarm went off at about 2:00, prompting a courthouse-wide evacuation and LOTSA CHAOS.  We finally finished up the hearings around 4:00, and I'm sorry to say that by that time my strength was severely depleted since the court hadn't recessed for lunch and all I had to eat was 13 goldfish crackers and half of a Special K bar. 

As we packed up to go back to the office my coworker and I strapped two boxes onto the first cart successfully, but when we attempted to strap the boxes on the second cart we discovered that the strap was stuck in the wheel, and due to our aforementioned lack of strength, we decided to walk carefully and just fix it when we got back to the office. 

We made it out of the courthouse, but evidently we didn't walk carefully enough because as we proceeded onto the sidewalk, I watched in what felt like slow motion as the preciously balanced top box of files tumbled right off the cart right onto pavement.  We both stopped in our tracks, and for half a second I didn't know if I was going to laugh or cry.  And then we started laughing - the kind that is silent for several seconds because you are laughing so hard you can't catch your breath. 

We quickly composed ourselves and got the files back into the box, but as we were kneeling on the sidewalk in our dresses and high heels surrounded by boxes and carts and purses I said, "It would be just our luck for someone we know to walk by right this minute."

And do you know what happened right that minute?

The attorney that I used to work with came strolling around the corner.  "Look!  It's my two favorite paralegals!" she said as she saw us.  And then she offered to stand on the sidewalk with our files so that we could bring the car around and avoid having to transport all of our equipment to the parking garage.

In the end we got the boxes more securely loaded and made it to the car without any additional spills.

There is one more notable event from the day, but I will save that for the next post because HOW MUCH EXCITEMENT CAN FIT INTO ONE POST?

is that a new kind of health insurance?

at least my whole arm isn't sunburned

 So.  I went to the beach with Matt's family this weekend.  I left after work on Friday, but before I hit the road I made a quick stop at McDonald's because any time I have to drive somewhere that is more than an hour away I like to bring a medium iced coffee for the ride.  I tell myself that it will help keep me alert but let's be honest.  99% of the time I'm not sleepy at all, just in the mood for a little iced coffee treat.

I placed my standard order at the drive-thru on Friday, but when I pulled up to the window, was handed this bad boy.  

WELL, HELLO THERE WHIPPED CREAM AND CARAMEL SYRUP.

 

 I actually have no idea what this was besides DELICIOUS, so unfortunately I will never be able to order it again.  I will admit that I am a bit sad about that because I am fairly certain that I actually drove better with this fancy thing as my road trip beverage.

However, when I arrived at the beach this frozen strawberry daiquiri was waiting for me. 

DELICIOUS DRINKS ABOUNDED.

The next day we went out for the morning and came home for some lunch and the beach.  Before we set out for the afternoon I diligently applied my suncreen because SAFETY FIRST.  Or something like that.  

I used Neutrogena Ultra Sheer Body Mist Sunblock.  I bought it a few weeks ago for the Memorial Day Pool Weekend That Wasn't, but since I didn't need it then, Saturday was my first chance to give it a try.  

I've been a Banana Boat girl my entire life, but the fact that this sunblock was a spray intrigued me.  And, since I am not one to pass up the opportunity to try a new skincare product, especially one with a fancy misting nozzle, I shelled out the eleven bucks and finally broke it open on Saturday for a pre-beach application.

And then I spent six hours here.

It was a beautiful afternoon.  The sun was warm, there was a great breeze, and the ocean was so calm that I actually swam around in it for a long time and it felt just like a pool.  At one point while we were swimming a huge group of dolphins came so close that I could have gone over and touched them if only I still had the same speedy aquatic skillz that I had back when I was a championship swimmer.

And right now you might be thinking, "Oh Laura Darling, I didn't know you were once a championship swimmer!"

That's because I wasn't.  But wouldn't that have been neat?

After five hours on the beach, I went back to the house and jumped in the shower to rinse off.  The second the water touched my body I turned it right off because OUCH, IT FELT LIKE IT WAS BURNING MY ARMS.

And then I looked down at my arms, and discovered that it was not that water that had burned them.

It was the sun.

In the most unique pattern.

And now, a word to the wise.  If you choose to purchase this Neutrogena spray sunblock, please be advised that if you simply stand on the back porch in your bathing suit and spray this wildly around your body, you too may end up with a very strange sunburn.  I would recommend paying more attention than I obviously did when applying.

I had high hopes that the white and the red would blend together and fade into the perfect suntan, but thirty six hours later that's not looking promising.

Looks like I'll be wearing long sleeve shirts this week.

And buying some Banana Boat.

 

just glossing it over

Well, all I have to say is THIS WEEK IS FLYING BY.

Lies.

That is not all I have to say, and this week is not flying by, NOT AT ALL.  Which is surprising considering all of the exciting things that I have been doing.

For example, last night I went to the store in an effort to continue my years long quest to find the perfect shade of pink lip gloss.  I ended up buying two new options, but am unimpressed with the results.

Both colors are pretty in the tube but when I put them on they sort of disappear into a very pale shimmer which might cause someone to say, "Hmm, are you even wearing lip gloss?" instead of "OH WOW, I LOVE YOUR PINK LIP GLOSS."  The latter is the obviously the reaction that I am aiming for.  And so the search continues in that department.

This morning began just like every morning, meaning that I sighed and whined and complained to myself when my alarm went off at 6:55.  I've never been a morning person, but one might think that after months and months and months of waking up at 6:55, I would just accept it.  

I haven't.

At precisely 7:03 every day I stumble into the bathroom and wash my face with the Clean and Clear MORNING BURST FACE WASH that I bought hoping that perhaps if I washed my face with that every morning I would feel just as perky and alive and excited for the day as the girls on the commercial.

I don't.

And then I return to my room and turn on Good Morning America while I finish getting ready, partly so that when I get to work and someone mentions the election or current global tensions I have something more intelligent to contribute than HEY SPEAKING OF NORWAY, DOES ANYONE KNOW OF A GOOD PINK LIP GLOSS, and also I may or may not have a major crush on Josh Elliot.

Today the lead story wasn't about politics or the global climate, but instead it centered on Donald Driver, Greenbay Packers football player and this season's Dancing with the Stars champion. Apparently Mr. Driver was at some sort of event over the weekend, and at one point threw his shoe to a young boy in the crowd.  A woman standing near the boy WRESTLED HIM DOWN and eventually got the shoe for herself.

Now I'll be honest.

I don't know much about Donald Driver aside from the fact that he performs a mean Samba and apparently knows his way around a football field.

However, if I ever became so famous that an adult would take down a small child just to become the owner of one of my old shoes, I would think "WHOA NELLY - TIME TO REIGN IT IN."

The rest of the day progressed as usual and after work I ate dinner with Matt's family and then swung by my parent's house.  True to form I came home with a box of miscellaneous items - including some fresh cut lavender, two large mason jars, a gift certificate to Rita's Water Ice, and a lemon.

The only thing missing was some pink lip gloss.

just consider us your local botanists

 At the beginning of May I had to go away for a few days for a work conference. During my first day of the conference I received a text from a coworker who stayed back at the office that went something along the lines of "THEY ARE OPENING A ROOFTOP GARDEN AT OUR BUILDING.  THERE IS A RIBBON CUTTING CEREMONY WITH THE BIG BOSSES AT 11:00.  I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU ARE MISSING THIS."

And really, I couldn't believe I was missing it either since there are few things in life that bring me as much joy as watching a bunch of people in fancy suits cut a ribbon with awkward, oversize scissors whose accuracy is mediocre at best.  

Plus I love a good rooftop garden.

As soon as I returned to the office on Thursday morning I dropped my bags at my desk and hightailed it to the elevator so I could see the garden for myself.  My building has five floors, so naturally when we got in the elevator I pressed 5 because most logical people would assume that is where the rooftop would be located.

However, my coworker said, "Oh no, the garden is actually on the third floor."

Please keep in mind I had just spent three days in a hotel whose ground floor was actually the third floor, and the fourth and fifth floors were on the same level. 

 

 IT HAD ALREADY BEEN A NAVIGATIONALLY PERILOUS WEEK.  The news that the rooftop garden was on the third floor of a five floor building was almost more than I could process.

I trusted my coworker though and sure enough when the elevator got to the third floor the door opened to a huge garden and bright blue sky.  The garden had a lot of potential, but it struck me that that there weren't too many flowers in the gardens, and I wondered why.  

I didn't have to wonder long because at the staff meeting the very next morning our director announced that each department was going to get assigned a section of the garden to plant, and in a few months the gardens would be judged.  And the best news?  They just so happened to still need volunteers from my department.

WELL SIGN ME RIGHT UP.

My friend and I volunteered to be the gardeners for our department, and the other day at lunch we walked out to our cars to bring in our gardening supplies, which included a few trowels, gloves, several flats of flowers, and twenty five pounds of potting soil.  

One of the security guards saw us walking in with our goods and gave us permission to use the freight elevator by the coroner because it was bigger and closer.    

People may assume that there are no perks to sharing an office building with the coroner, but oh, those people would be wrong. 

My life never felt as glamorous as it did when I carrying twenty five pounds of dirt and a dozen white vincas to the elevator by the morgue.  JUST LIVIN' THE DREAM.

Just another day at the office.

 Here is a picture of the finished product.

 It might not look like much now, but once those flowers bloom we are confident that we can win this contest hands down.

As long as don't get lost in the elevator on the way to the third floor rooftop.

the universe wanted me to be hot this weekend

This is the part where I wish I could say that this past weekend started off swimmingly.  

That would be a lie.  

The pool at the apartment complex where I live was set to open Saturday morning, and I had grand plans to spend three solid days in the water.  I even bought a fresh tube of sunblock and a new towel.  The only thing missing was my pool pass, and I decided to stop by the leasing office after work on Friday to get it.  

I filled out the form, reapplied my lip gloss, and smiled for my OFFICIAL POOL PASS 2012 PHOTO.  The woman in the office handed me a sheet of pool rules and said, "Alrighty, passes take one week to be processed, so stop by next Friday."

Well.  You could say that news put a bit of a ripple in my plans for a long awaited poolside weekend.  

As soon as I got back to my apartment I checked the flyer we had been sent early in May outlining all important pool-related information, and sure enough in bold letters it said, "POOL PASSES TAKE ONE WEEK TO BE PROCESSED.  WE SUGGEST COMING IN AS SOON AS POSSIBLE."

And that is why you should read your mail.  And also why I didn't swim this weekend.

-------------------------------------

Since I found myself with an unexpected WIDE OPEN Saturday afternoon, I decided to go to my parents' house because THEY LOVE IT WHEN I DROP BY.  It turned out that there was some manual labor going on, and by that I mean they were working on a pond and needed to wash, move, and arrange several TONS of rocks.

Two years ago my parents got a new roof, siding, windows, a fence, and a deck.  The whole shebang.  And then we would sit on the new deck and my mom would say, "The one thing that would make this perfect is a pond," and my dad would say, "Well, we're not getting a pond."

I don't know what changed exactly, but Houston, we have a pond.

 

Actually what we have is a small lake, complete with two waterfalls and native Pennsylvania fish that my dad caught.  And my parents did this entire thing themselves!!!  I think they should have just added some concrete and called it a pool!

That evening Matt came over to my apartment before we went out to dinner, and as soon as he walked into my bedroom he said, "Oh geez - turn your air conditioner off - don't you smell that?!"  It turns out that the mysterious strange smell I had been noticing all week actually signified a problem with my air conditioner, and after Matt removed the cover and inspected the interior I knew I would be paying my friends at the apartment office a visit once again.

They love me there.

Unfortunately since it was a holiday weekend not much could be done right away, and it just so happened that the meteorologists were making a VERY BIG deal out of an excessive heat watch.

Oh, the heat.  

It was excessive.

I spent Sunday and Monday nights with the windows open and this little fan blowing recirculated 85 degree air in my face.

It was every bit as refreshing as it sounds.

And the worst part was that I had NO ACCESS TO THE POOL IN WHICH I COULD COOL OFF.

It was worth it in the end though, because when I came home from work yesterday I found a brand spankin' new air conditioner, COMPLETE WITH A REMOTE CONTROL.

I HAVE DIED AND GONE TO HEAVEN.

It's been a long time since I felt as fancy as I did last night when I adjusted the temperature of my room while I lounged in bed.

The only thing that would make me feel fancier is if I could get the apartment management to build me a pond a la my parents' outside our front door.

I'll work on it.  Rome wasn't built in a day.

that's what i always say

 

 I don't think Emily would disagree.

 

i fought the law, and the law was surprisingly accommodating

Well, last week I swallowed my pride and marched right into city hall to explain my little meter mishap.  The woman I spoke with was extremely understanding and after a few clicks of her computer mouse, declared me parking ticket-free.

Crisis averted.

As I mentioned in my last post, my parents were away for the weekend so I spent a few days back at home holding down the fort with Emily.  I arrived after work on Friday, and I took my things right upstairs to put in the guest room, which is the bedroom I lived in until I moved out in December.  I've seen it since I moved out, but this time the furniture was rearranged and the shelves were cleared, and I said to Emily, "Wow!  It looks so different in here!"

"Yeah," she said, "except the curtains are still upside-down, which is how you hung them whenever you got them."

Four years I lived with those curtains.  Never once did I realized that they were hanging upside down.

And now I'm thinking maybe I should have majored in interior design.

On Saturday we woke up early because we had things to do and cars to drive.  That's right.  Emily just got her driver's permit, so Saturday morning we took a trip over to a local office park so that she could get behind the wheel.  She had gone out with my dad twice before, and I was impressed with her skillz.  After a little bit I decided that she could use some more work on her turns, and at that exact moment A BRILLIANT THOUGHT popped into my head.  

I directed Emily toward two islands with some decorative shrubbery and told her to drive figure eights around them.

She put that car right into park faster than you can say turning radius, looked at me, and said, "OH NO. NO WAY.  I AM NOT DRIVING DRIVING FIGURE EIGHTS AROUND THOSE BUSHES."

The reasoning behind her refusal had something to do with the fact that she will likely never have to actually drive figure eights on the roadway, but to that I say, YOU NEVER KNOW.

However, for the rest of the session we steered clear of any trick maneuvers.

Steered clear.  Get it?

 Lest you think our afternoon o' fun ended there, let me assure you that it did not.  After our driving session we went to the car wash because OH THE DAMAGE that the pollen is doing to my car.  I even shelled out a few extra bucks for the Special Rainbow Polish because I was feeling fancy and fiscally frivolous.  It really just looked like a lot of blue soap.

 

 The rest of the weekend consisted of Matt taking us out for dinner, lots of singing (me) and subsequent eye rolling (Em) and then renting one of the worst movies of all time.  We were about twenty minutes in when Emily looked at me and said, "Well if YOU want to watch something else, I wouldn't be mad."  You better believe I had Made of Honor in that DVD player in twenty seconds flat.  HELLOOOO Patrick Dempsey.

On Sunday we ate chicken pot pies for lunch and then went driving once more.  I wanted to give Emily another opportunity to have a lesson with one of the World's Greatest Drivers.  

I just won't be giving her any advice on parking meters.

i think these shades really make a statement

My parents are away for a few days so I'm back home holding down the fort with Emily.

And also putting fashionable accessories on the dog and taking her picture.

I'm sure she's so happy I'm here.

fighting city hall

 I should have known that today wasn't going to go well when I reached up to put my hair behind my ear on the drive to work and realized that I hadn't put any earrings in.  Since I got my ears pierced eleven years ago, I can count on one hand the number of times I've gone without earrings.  To me, forgetting earrings is worse than forgetting shoes.  I am not myself without them.  

And of course I couldn't forget my earrings on an ordinary day.  No, today was the day I was going to meet the two new lawyers who will be working with our office.  I may or may not have sat down dramatically at my desk this morning and cried WHAT WILL THE NEW LAWYERS THINK OF ME?  WOULD IT BE WEIRD IF I MENTIONED TO THEM THAT I NORMALLY DO WEAR EARRINGS?

My coworkers informed that yes, that would be weird, and so all morning I practiced a hair-shake maneuver that caused my lovely locks to fall over my plain ears so that when I met the new bosses they wouldn't think, "I wonder why Laura wasn't wearing earrings."  

Of course I knew that there was also the possibility that they might think "Gee I wonder Laura kept shaking her hair over and over like that," but listen, everything's a tradeoff and that's a risk I was willing to take.

After the introductions I had to go over to the courthouse to drop something off.  I knew I would just be a few minutes, so instead of using my parking pass to park in the garage across the street, I decided to gather up some loose change and pay to park on the street.  This reasoning behind this strategic decision was two-fold, because not only was I feeling moderately lazy, but also it was drizzling outside and I could not afford to ruin my hair when it was the only barrier between my un-bedazzled ears and the rest of the world.

In recent months the parking department has done away with individual meters and instead installed one kiosk on every block.  And so, after I parked Old Blue in spot 106, I strolled over to the kiosk and put in a whopping $1.35.  I thought I could have gotten away with just a dollar but decided to throw in a little extra in case I was inside longer than expected.  ALWAYS THINKING AHEAD, I AM.

I will now present Exhibit A, my receipt.

 

 I went inside, did what I had to do, and came out.  I rounded the corner and Old Blue came into sight, and what to my wondering eyes should appear but a ticket in her windshield wipers.

I will now present Exhibit B, my ticket.

I stood by my car completely puzzled for several seconds.  I fished my receipt out of my bag to verify that I had indeed paid and wasn't losing my mind.  And there I stood in the rain, seeing in black and white that it was only 12:32 and I had enough money to stay in spot 106 until 12:57.

And that's about when I realized that my car was actually parked in spot 105.

SMOOTH.

I hung my head and drove back to the office where I promptly sought legal advice.  I made sure to ask one of the lawyers who has been there a while because I didn't want my first impression on the new lawyers to be HI, I'M LAURA AND NOT ONLY DID I FORGET TO WEAR EARRINGS TODAY AND AS A RESULT AM ALL OUT OF SORTS, BUT IT APPEARS I CANNOT HANDLE BASIC STREET PARKING.  NOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO ME TO COMPLETE ANY OFFICIAL LEGAL TASKS?

Anywho I was advised to take the ticket and the receipt to the parking office and explain my situation.  Although I don't know if I have much of an explanation other than "OOPS."  

And so tomorrow on my lunch hour I will be fighting city hall.  

And you can bet that I will be wearing my fanciest earrings.

it's like sonic running out of tots

Saturday was my favorite kind of day.  My eyes opened for the first time around 9:30, and I lounged around for an hour or three while I drank my coffee and read and wandered around the apartment looking out the windows and thinking, "I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO TODAY!!"

After all of that relaxing I got dressed and ready for the afternoon, which consisted of painting my nails and watching Lifetime TV with Michelle and hot rolling my hair just for fun.

After a while Michelle and I decided to clean the apartment from top to bottom.  In just over an hour, we had cleaned every inch of the apartment, even scrubbing the kitchen floor on hands and knees because WE MEANT BUSINESS.  I think Michelle may even have said, "Go big or go home" when she broke out the can of fancy orange-scented Pledge.

Once the apartment was clean I decided to go get my car washed.  There is a place near my office where you can get your car washed for just THREE AMERICAN DOLLARS and let's be honest, you can't beat that price.  

Unless it was two dollars.  

Anyway I had to swing by the bank before I went to the car wash because I didn't have any cash and I was unsure if the car wash accepted debit cards.  And I didn't want to find out that they didn't take cards when my tires were already on the track and Old Blue was about to be doused with three dollar soap.  Could you imagine maneuvering your way out of that situation?  I would be willing to bet that the motorists behind me in line wouldn't appreciate my failure to research acceptable payment types.

It was about 3:30 when I drove to the bank, and as I drove I thought about how happy I am that PNC is my bank.  They are so friendly and have great hours and I even composed a letter in my head to the big bosses telling them that PNC should stand for "Pretty Nice and Convenient."

As soon as I pulled into the parking lot I noticed that there was only one car in the lot.  Typically Saturday afternoons are busy at the bank, and I laughed as I looked at that one lonely car and thought, "NOW WOULDN'T IT BE FUNNY IF THE BANK WAS OUT OF MONEY?"

And then I walked up to the ATM and saw this message.

 

 And no, it wasn't funny.

It was Pretty Not Cool.

 I turned Old Blue around and went home, which was ultimately a poor decision because you will never guess where my dirty, pollen covered car ended up the next day.

In a valet parking line.

That's right.  I went to a wedding shower at a fancy place where valet parking was the only option.  I've never had a valet park my car before and I am almost embarrassed to admit that I was nervous handing over the keys.  Would he turn the lights off?  Would he put the emergency brake on if he parked on even a slight incline like I do?  Would he press the lock button twice just to be sure?

The good news is that Old Blue was returned to me safe and sound at the end of the shower.  The bad news is that there was no complimentary car wash, so tomorrow I will make another attempt to go to the car wash.  

Here's hoping the bank found some cash.  

next time i'm requesting the ground floor

Well hello.  How are you?  I am away on a work trip right now, watching Million Dollar Pools and trying to decide which bed to sleep in.  Since I started this job in September, I have been on several overnight trips, and as such, have become an expert in the whole hotel thing.  My arrival routine has been perfected, and I can check in, unload my bags, park my car, fill the ice bucket, and locate the vending machine in about thirteen minutes flat.

I was going to attempt a personal best twelve minute arrival routine today, but unfortunately things did not go as planned.  When I checked in, the woman at the front desk told me that my room would be on the fifth floor, and that although the lobby appeared to be the ground floor, it was actually the third.  

Since that meant I only had to go up two floors to get to my room, I decided to take the steps and just count that as my exercise for the...week.  

I climbed up the two flights of stairs, but when I opened the door into the hallway, all of the room numbers started with 6.  I figured that in my quest for convenient exercise, I had inadvertently gone up an extra flight.  

OH, I AM ALWAYS DOING THAT!

Not really.

Anyway, it seemed like an easy enough fix to just walk down one flight of stairs from the 6th to 5th floor.  So that's what I did.  But when I opened the door, all of the room numbers started with 4. 

WELL COLOR ME CONFUSED.

Since I couldn't figure out how the stairs worked, I figured I would have to give the elevator a try, an option that also gave me cause for slight concern because I've been known to commit an elevator navigation faux pas or two in my day.

Luckily there was some literature in the elevator informing perplexed patrons like myself that floors 4 and 5 are actually on the same level.

BECAUSE THAT IS LOGICAL AND NOT AT ALL UNUSUAL.

 Finally, and I do mean FINALLY, I located my room on the 4th/5th floor, and I am sad to report that it's not quite as fancy as the other hotels I've stayed in.  The pillows aren't as fluffy, the carpet isn't as plush, and the toilet isn't as...level...

 

Not to mention that sound coming from the mini-fridge mimics an aircraft at take off, and as I was typing this post I pulled out the nightstand to plug in my laptop, and discovered two unidentified pills lying on the floor.

They seem to resemble Advil Liquigels, but I'm just going to follow the old saying and let sleeping dogs unidentified medication lie.

After I surveyed the accommodations, I decided to unpack my things right away before I got settled in with my new Damsel in a Dress nail polish and some HGTV.  And five minutes later the bathroom counter looked like this.

  

 All of this equipment for a trip that's less than 48 hours long.  Not pictured is a set of hot rollers that I brought along JUST IN CASE.

No one will ever say that I travel lightly.

Or that I'm low maintenance.

On the bright side, at least I'll look good if I get lost in the stairwell again.