Thursday, September 15, 2011

the great key ring debate

Shortly after Matt and I started dating, I learned that we have different views about key rings, and what exactly should go on them.

When I look at my key ring, I see ACCESSORIZING OPPURTUNITY, AHOY!  When Matt looks at his, he sees a tool. For the longest time, the only things on Matt’s key ring were his car key, house key, and an itsy bitsy little blue flashlight.  I will admit that I didn’t give the flashlight enough credit originally, because I thought WHEN IN THE WORLD would an on-the-go situation arise that would require the use of a tiny light?

I’ll tell you when.  ALL THE TIME.  That flashlight came in handy more times than I can even begin to count.  Tragically, it burned its last light a few months ago, and as a result my world has been a little bit darker.

Now when Matt and I go to the movies and decide we want some candy after the theater lights are already off, we can’t inconspicuously turn on the tiny flashlight to see which bag is the M&Ms and which bag is the Skittles.  We just have to rip the bags open and taste the contents to determine which is which.  In reality, I guess that’s not a bad problem to have.  And also, we hardly ever go to the movies anymore because tickets are thirteen dollars and fifty cents, or as I like to call it, HIGHWAY ROBBERY.  

My keychain, on the other hand, has a lot going on.
 The necessities are obviously my car key and the accompanying remote.  They dangle from a blue and white Penn State lanyard, because if there is an opportunity to publicize the fact that I love the Nittany Lions, I pretty much sieze it.

Which is why I have a window sticker AND a license plate frame on my car.

Proud to be a Nittany Lion!

(Except when we play the number 3 team in college football during the second week of the season and switch quarterbacks several times!  Or forget to throw the football to the guys in blue!  Or show a general lack of energy and determination!  Then it’s a little bit frustrating! LET’S GET IT TOGETHER BOYS!)

In addition to my keys and lanyard, I also have a cute little keychain that says, “Wherever you go, go with all your heart.”  I thought it was appropriate to put it on my keys, because whenever I have them with me, I am obviously going somewhere.  Granted, my destination is most frequently Wal Mart, but I would hate to go there with anything less than a WHOLEHEARTED ATTITUDE.  I also have store cards for Sephora, the grocery store, and Michael’s Arts and Crafts.

If someone were to pick up my keys and perform a quick character evaluation, they would most likely conclude that the keys belong to a Penn Stater who likes lip gloss, food, and the occasional craft project.  Which would be SPOT ON.

Now, if that same person were to pick up Matt’s keys, they would conclude that those keys belonged to someone who is ALL BUSINESS.

Since the night the lights went out in Georgia on Matt's keychain, it's been looking a little bit sad.  That is, until one night a few weeks ago.  Matt came to pick me up, and as he put his keys in the ignition, something caught my eye.  It was something small with a touch of orange.  A never before seen key related accessory.  A KEY RING INTERLOPER.

I studied it as we drove along, trying to determine what earned a coveted spot on the keychain.  It didn’t look like a flashlight.  It wasn’t a store card and it most certainly wasn’t something made out of metal and some cheerful colored beads reminding him “Wherever you go, go with all your heart.”

As we arrived at our destination and Matt took the keys out of the ignition, I asked him about the new member of his keychain.  Well, his eyes LIT UP with excitement and he said, “I CAN’T BELIEVE I FORGOT TO TELL YOU ABOUT THIS!!”

You will never guess what it was.

 A convenient on the go dental pick. 

First of all, am I the only one who foresees some serious logistical and/or germ related issues that might come along with trying to maneuver that thing in between your teeth while your keys/assorted paraphernalia dangle from the side? 

Also, I get nervous when I see this particular item at my bi-annual dental appointments.  The last thing I want to do is use it in the six months between visits.  

In the car.

However, I do have to admire Matt for being so willing to go to such great lengths in the name of good dental hygiene.  

And also for not straying from his strict key ring criteria of TOOLS ONLY.

Even if I do think some bedazzling could jazz up that travel pick.  :)


Amber Kay said...

Oh my gosh, I LOVED this post! It made me giggle. :) Great writing!

Lauren said...

if I had a dental tool on my key chain there is no way I would actually put it in my mouth! ick!

Caitlin said...

Haha I carry ONE key on my key rings, the rest is all paraphernalia. And the dental pick sounds pretty gross, I agree.

Nicole said...

Oh my gosh, we are the same person... my boyfriend gets so annoyed with my lanyard. It always gets in his way when he drives! And he always, ALWAYS has a toothpick with him. If he knew about this dental pick business, he would be all over it.

Jamie Lane said...

Loved this!!

Crazy Shenanigans-JMO said...

Haha! This is hilarious! I thought you were going to say it was another flash light!

ae said...

I am a minimalist with my key ring. It only has my car key and my house key and that's all, no decorations or tools!

The Vintage Modern Bride said...

bwahaha what in the world?! that is the most random thing to have on a keychain. i'm with ya...i'm not sure i'd want to put that in my mouth, but props to him for trying! lol.

i'm also a key accessorizer :) i have a diamond ring as my keyring and then i've got a ton of mini cards from different stores. i used to have a really cool bottle opener that looks like an alligator, but it started getting too bulky lol.

Ashley M. said...

I just found your blog and you are absolutely hilarious! I literally a laughed out loud reading this post! I am definitely key chain accessorizer like you and my fiance tends to keep his keys nice and boring!

So glad I found your blog!

Check mine out.. I'm doing a giveaway right now!


Melina said...

Bottle opener on my keychain, all i need!

...but boy do I need it...

Melina from The wilder Coast