i think the lab needs to take a page out of the post office's book

I had to get some blood work done last week, because WELCOME TO AGE 27.  I made a 9:15 appointment, and even arrived for my appointment with my kindle and my optimism ONE HOUR AND FIFTEEN MINUTES EARLY.  I'm sorry to report that the whole saga took three hours.

The poor phlebotomist seemed very frazzled when she finally called me back at 10:35, and because I don't want someone who is about to poke me with a needle and draw blood to be in a bad mood, I expressed my sympathy at how busy she was.  She apologized profusely and explained that the corporate office has decided to have ONE PERSON working at a time in order to maximize efficiency.

Note to the corporate office: that is not in any way efficient.

I think before the execs made that decision, they should have had to sit for three hours in a small waiting room with seventeen people who haven't had anything to eat or drink in twelve hours.

As I sat in the waiting room reading my book, I drafted a blog post in my head about my predicament that started with "I think I've found the one place on earth more inefficient than my local branch of the United States Postal Service."

And then, since I am a glutton for punishment, I paid a visit to my local post office on Friday to mail a few letters because I am old fashioned and I also have a lot of time on my hands lately that I am using to pen correspondence like I'm Emily Dickinson or something.

Anyway, I walked into the post office and was immediately greeted by the friendliest postal worker I've ever met, and she handed me a water bottle and a soft pretzel in celebration of CUSTOMER APPRECIATION DAY.

I could hardly believe my good luck.

I started to eat my soft pretzel right there in the (long, very long) line, and when she offered a pretzel to man behind me, he said, "No thank you, I just ate a sandwich."

"JUST ATE A SANDWICH?" she said.

"OH HONEY, HOW OFTEN DOES THE GOVERNMENT GIVE YOU SOMETHING FOR FREE?WHEN THE POST OFFICE GIVES YOU SOMETHING FOR FREE, YOU TAKE IT, EVEN IF YOU'RE NOT HUNGRY."

She speaks the truth.

The soft pretzel was the kickoff to a delicious food weekend, and the next night Matt and I decided to order take out for dinner.  We both ordered cheese steaks and a side, or as I like to call them, accessories.  Because I am so health conscious, I selected a vegetable in the form of onion rings for my accessory, and Matt ordered loaded fries.

On the way to pick up dinner, I asked, "So, what exactly is on loaded fries?" and Matt said, with a smile and all of the enthusiasm in the world, "EVERYTHING IN THE BASEMENT!!"  

After a few clarifying questions, we determined that he meant, "everything but the kitchen sink."

I think he might need to spend some serious time reading my recent blog.

Maybe I'll make him an appointment for blood work.


Comments

Myra said…
You crack me up! I will never understnd how companies make decisions to "be efficient" when really it's the most inefficient thing they could do. Also, who ever knew you could want a company/office to learn a lesson from the USPS!
Amanda Klein said…
I'm guessing you had a cholesterol check? The whole fasting thing is the worst!! LOVE that you visited USPS on customer day! How perfect :)
JKemper said…
This story is too cute! "Everything in the basement." Sounds like a conversation I would have with my husband (except I would probably be the one misquoting it!)
3 hours... By that point I think u would have eaten my arm... Or the phlebo... Whatever they are called's arm
Bethany Carson said…
Love your style and sense of humor, Laura! Waiting that long does not sound like fun, but it does sound like you had an extraordinarily good day at the post office...well, for living in a city! Out here it's likely you'd be the post office's only customer at any given time.

My mom was a phlebotomist before I was born. Her name is Betty, so years ago when she and my dad saw this shirt for sale, they thought it was pretty interesting...it would have been even more interesting if she would have bought it and worn it to work!
Emily said…
You most certainly take free food when the post office is giving it, sandwich man! I really can't believe your luck.
Bijoux said…
There is a sad 8x10 picture in our local post office of a blue smiley face that says 'We Are Glad You Are Here.' Everyone stares at it while waiting in a 14 person line with one employee working.
Kenya said…
Pretzel?!?!?! That's amazing. You should have asked for his when he said no. LOL
P!nky said…
I love your posts, they always make me smile!

I'm sorry you had to wait so long, I HATE that at the drs office. I love writing letters, though. It's so much fun. I need to get stamps for my Christmas cards ASAP!
Martha Woods said…
Ha! I HATE waiting at the doctor's office. Sometimes I get really lucky and get in and out in a jif, but there have been a couple of times when I had to sit for an hour or more. :(
Rebecca Jo said…
I love the way you view life :)

Oh my gosh - that postal worker & that pretzel!!! haha...

Nothing is worse then not being able to eat or drink for blood work. Put an IV while you're in those veins please.
shelleystursma said…
I took my son to get bloodwork done last week, and there was just one person to do everything. The company is a large one with branches all over the country, so I wouldn't be surprised if it was the same one.
Anyway, having one person work is definitely not efficient.
Our post office is not efficient. At all.
EVERYTHING IN THE BASEMENT!!!! Hahahaha. I'm dying.

Nothing is worse than waiting for an appointment. I have zero patience and hate wasting time, so I would have been out of control by the time I got back there!
Hahaha giiiirl you are too funny! Thanks for sharing! All I can say is free pretzels? Yes please!
Angela said…
Soft pretzel at the post office?! Lucky girl, indeed!
Brittany said…
I have so many nightmare blood drawing stories. I cringe just thinking about the three-hour wait. I cannot believe you got a FREE PRETZEL from the post office. Had I known, I would have written a nice, long letter to myself.
I have never had anything good come from going to the post office. You give me hope!
Oh waiting Omar the docs office for 3 hours sounds horrid. I've got one like that. I can almost read an entire book sometimes! Definitely not efficient. Happ Wednesday!
I mean, I would've stood in the line TWICE and gotten another pretzel!!!! :D
"Everything in the basement!" So classic. And the post office is *nearly* the worst! But I sorta love it around the holidays when everyone is mailing packages and Christmas cards! On another note, I just spent 1.5 hours in Verizon with a 3 year old & 6 month old... Fun times!
Summer said…
Waiting that long must have been painful♥♥

summerdaisy.net
Your posts just crack me up. Seriously...I am imagining that lady talking to the man behind you...she speaks the truth! And everything in the basement = classic.
Liz Jo said…
You know another place that's inefficient is the social security office. Waited two hours just to be told I had the wrong paperwork.....URGH


liz @ sundays with sophie
Jess said…
Everything in the basement sounds like a legitimate phrase! I feel like I might be worried about where the post office gets pretzels from, but then again, when do you not want a soft pretzel. Everything should be made with pretzels.
Marie said…
I totally think onion rings are a healthy option! haha Getting blood work done is misery. I hate it. Having one person working is so not efficient. Sometimes, I really wonder about these "executives" making these decisions. yay for free pretzels.
Baby Sister said…
Dang! I wish my postal office gave me a pretzel! That's awesome!

Also, onion rings are my favorite kind of vegetable. :) Good choice!