A few weeks ago I was asked by the big wigs at work to attend a seminar. I agreed, because I jump at any chance to expand my legal horizons and also, that's something you can't really say no to.
The seminar was last Tuesday, but since it was a few hours away I drove up the night before. As soon as I got onto the turnpike, it started to POUR.
I am a girl who has a song for every occasion. In fact I'm fairly certain that my musical matching expertise is one of Matt's favorite traits about me. For example, we spent the day in the city on Saturday and I had SONGS APLENTY to narrate our activities, including but not limited to Downtown by Petula Clark.
And if the perfect song doesn't already exist, I can make one up on the spot. This past October when Superstorm Sandy hit the Jersey beaches, I did a complete overhaul of Cascada's Evacuate the Dance Floor to Evacuate the Seashore, complete with circumstantially appropriate verses and a catchy refrain.
When the storm began on my drive last week, I started to talk out loud to myself in an attempt to calm down. I can't remember ever feeling so scared while driving. I actually said to myself, "Laura, you might get into an accident today. Just concentrate and do your best to stay calm despite this potentially catastrophic situation."
Surprisingly that was not very comforting.
And so, instead of composing dramatic speeches to prepare myself for a potential collision, I started an a cappella version of, "Jesus Take the Wheel."
And continued it until I arrived in the hotel parking lot two VERY LONG, STRESSFUL hours later.
After I checked in to my room I headed over to Subway for a gourmet meal because, EXPENSE DOLLARS AT WORK. And then I sat in the hotel bed while I watched the Bachelorette and worked on my personal budget spreadsheet because my life is very exciting.
The seminar started bright and early Tuesday morning. It was meant for lawyers, which means that the attendees had big brains and even bigger egos.
Needles to say, I fit right in.
We listened to a few lectures and then it was time for case studies and small group discussion. Our first case study was about the Sampson family. The case study began with fictional family members Homer, Lisa, Marge, and Bart. I tried hard to concentrate on the legal theory that I knew was hiding in there somewhere and not the questionable character names, but when the next paragraph mentioned individuals by the names of Maude and Rod, I began to have serious concerns about the judgment of the lawyer who made up this scenario.
After we were finished reading individually, I MADE THE HUGE MISTAKE OF OPENING MY BIG MOUTH and exclaiming to my table mates, "Wow, those were some awful names!!"
And then Mr. Attorney Seated To My Left, Esquire said, "Didn't you ever watch The Simpsons?"
IT WAS A PLAY ON THE SIMPSONS CHARACTERS.
AND IT WENT RIGHT OVER MY HEAD.
Clearly, the answer to his question was NO SIR, I DID NOT.
And the appropriate song for that moment was "If I Could Turn Back Time."