Well, I am coming to you fresh off a Very Embarrassing Moment.
It's car related and I've thought long and hard about a way to tell this story without providing extensive backgound and detail, but that appears to be an impossibility. So buckle up.
(See what I did there?)
I have to go to a work meeting tomorrow that's about two hours away. In addition to a Dunkin' Donuts hot chocolate coolatta and the Kenny Chesney pandora station, the trip will require a full tank of gas.
Before I go any further, let me say that I enjoy driving, and consider myself to be confident behind the wheel. But, I HATE gas stations.
I also get anxious in crowded parking lots, and on four lane roads where fellow motorists have the habit of changing lanes without engaging a turn signal to notify others of their navigational intentions. And I avoid making left turns at intersections without left turn arrows because the directive of LEFT TURN, YIELD ON GREEN is not my favorite. I also hate ALERT: HEAVY MERGE AREA signs and intersections with only blinking yellow traffic lights.
And now that I type that all out, it occurs to me that perhaps I should find a professional to speak to about my car related issues, because OH, THEY ARE APLENTY.
As my dad likes to say, "Freud would have a field day!"
Back to gas stations. They are my kryptonite. I don't care for all the cars driving in different directions, and to find a pump that meets the qualifications of being open, self-serve, and for non-cardmembers can sometimes be a little like seeing a mirage in the desert.
Or Brad Pitt with a decent haircut.
And so, due to my aforementioned high standards, I have identified ONE pump at one gas station that I approve of, and since I made the discovery it's the only pump I ever use. It's easy to pull beside, no reversing is necessary, I can pay right at the pump, and drive straight out the driveway.
If I arrive at the station and someone is at my pump, I assume that the sign reserving it for me has blown off and then drive around the block until they are gone.
My gas station is a few blocks from my office, but unfortunately I couldn't go on my way home from work tonight because I had an appointment to pick up a bridesmaid dress at 4:30 just down the street from my apartment. And now I'm just overexplaining.
After my appointment I knew it was time to face the music, or the ethanol, as it were, and I didn't want to drive all the way back to my station.
Instead I drove to a nearby Sunoco which had OPEN PUMPS APLENTY, so I pulled right in, swiped my card, and got the gas pump situated.
And then I decided that while I waited, I would wash my windows, because, go big or go home.
I had finished the front windshield and was walking around to the back when an older gentleman in a big Chevy Silverado pulled in behind me and began to WAIT for my spot. The driver smiled at me and I smiled back and finished my windshield washing like the professional gas station patron that I am.
I hadn't heard the pump click when I finished the windshield, so I figured I might as well start washing my headlights.
I began to sense my Silverado friend getting frustrated, mainly because I could see him looking around for other open spots, so I walked around to the pump to check things out.
Which is when I discovered that I HADN'T TURNED IT ON.
THAT WHOLE TIME THE NOZZLE WAS SITTING IN MY CAR, IT WAS NOT PUMPING GAS.
I was mortified. And so I did when any sophisticated lady would do in that situation and put the pump away, hopped in my car, and peeled out of there on two wheels.
And then I parked in the Macy's parking lot across the street until the coast was clear and I could try again.
I'm sure Mr. Silverado did a double take when he saw that the screen said GALLONS: 0 PRICE: $0.00 after I pulled away.
The good news is that my second try was a success and I am all set for my trip tomorrow.
And my headlights are even sparkling clean.