One thing that is never lacking around our apartment is
humility self-confidence. Michelle and I consider ourselves to be experts on every subject from foreign policy to parenting even though we have absolutely no experience with either. And we are absolutely positive that we are gorgeous.
This belief was validated a few months ago Michelle's boyfriend mentioned that he downloaded an app that scans your face and then rates your beauty on a scale of one to one hundred. He thought the results were totally inaccurate as he and others were scoring numbers that were lower than anticipated, so he was planning on deleting it. Michelle asked him to keep it until we could give it a try, and so he came over and we scanned our faces and I'm proud to report that we scored in the high 90s.
Higher than ANGELINA JOLIE.
We bring our scores up frequently, and by frequently I mean at least once daily.
Listen, it's almost impossible for a couple of 96s to stay humble.
A few weeks ago Michelle read an article about Olay's Total Effects Anti-Aging Night Cream, and started using it. After just a few days she reported noticeable changes and could hardly keep track of the compliments she was receiving, so of course I hightailed it to Target toot suite to pick some up some of this miracle cream for myself.
I even got the facial scrub because go big or go home.
For the past several weeks I have been using both products with much noticed success.
Or so I thought.
At work on Thursday, my phone rang. It was the HR manager from my company. She works in the main office which is about two hours away from my office, so I don't see her a whole lot, but when I do I try to make pleasant small talk with her because I'm no fool. I know whose good side to stay on.
She had a few clarifying questions about a few forms I had recently submitted, and after she asked them she said, "Oh, one more thing. Are you over age 45?"
I'm sorry, did you call the wrong person?
Here I am liberally applying anti-again night cream to my 24 year old face in an attempt not to appear 30 prematurely.
But 45? I didn't know I had such an uphill battle.
Maybe I should ask Angelina Jolie for some tips.