Well, Matt and I have been married for six whole weeks now, so we decided it was high time that we add a pet to the mix.
And so, we got a little turtle. This is a picture of him last night as he got acquainted with the apartment.
Oh, I kid. I will never share a home with a member of the reptile family, which is something I made clear to Matt before the wedding day since he grew up with two lizards names Ozzie and Harriet, and a snake that "got loose" in his house and was NEVER FOUND.
History, lest ye not repeat yourself.
Last night I was changing from my work clothes into my leisure outfit, because a girl's gotta be comfy at all times, when Matt yelled from the dining room, "URGENT, URGENT. I NEED A SHOE IMMEDIATELY." I grabbed the closest shoe I could find, a very delicate ballet flat. However, when I arrived in the dining room and saw the creature we were up against, I quickly surmised that my ballet flat was no match.
I switched the flat out for one of Matt's sneakers while Matt inspected the intruding creature a little more closely.
It was a bee.
A killer bee.
Since Matt didn't want it to fly away when he came at it with his shoe, I grabbed a giant can of hairspray so that he could disable it before the sneak-er attack. I provided Matt with the shoe and the hairspray and then I ran into the bathroom and locked the door because I think when we said those wedding vows six whole weeks ago there was a line in there about the husband killing the bugs.
Well, I heard Matt douse that bee with more hairspray than I wore to my junior prom, and then he stomped it, and vacuumed it up.
And it kept buzzing.
And it was still alive when Matt took the vacuum canister out to the dumpster an hour later, with dust glued to its entire body, courtesy of the liberal hairspray application.
The downside to this whole episode is that now we have a quarter can of VO5 extra hold hairspray on our floor.
The upside is that we still have a place to live, because if it had been up to me to deal with this situation alone, I would have packed my bags and moved out, naturally.
So now I'm just holding my breath that we don't have another intruder.
At this point, I think I'd prefer a pet lizard.