Wednesday, April 30, 2014

i wonder if i could get the benefits of AARP

I wake up at 6:45 every morning.  

Well, that's not completely true.  Matt leaves by 6:20, and when he leaves he kisses me and says "Bye, sugar snap/buttercup/pecan sandy/starlight," or any other of an assortment of names.  It's different one every day.  I always make sure I'm awake when he leaves so that I can hear the name of the morning because ADORABLE, but the second the front door closes, I go back to sleep.

I wake up 25 minutes later and rush around for the next 35 to 40 minutes.  I shower and do my hair and pick out my outfit and my jewelry and iron and pack my lunch.

This week I decided that a lot of those things could, and should, be done the night before.  So all week I've been packing my lunch, picking out my outfit and jewelry, and ironing at night.  And I've noticed that mornings are a lot less hectic and I have more time to spend on my makeup and my hair.  Which means that I've been wearing lip gloss and mascara and my hair is actually completely dry and styled when I leave for work each morning instead of slightly damp and pulled back in a clip.

And I'll be honest.  I've left each morning thinking about how much better I looked.  I even sent Matt a text on my way out the door on Monday telling him how lucky he is to be married to someone so good looking.

What can I say? I'm humble.

Today I had a jackpot outfit picked and some great hair going on.  I had to be in court for a hearing first thing for work, and our case was being heard in front a judge I hadn't met before.  After the hearing ended, he called me up to the bench to talk to him. 

"Good morning, Your Honor," I said very respectfully, trying to get on the judge's good side.

It was all for nothing though because he then he proceeded to tell me that I am the spitting image of Allyson Schwartz.

That name might not mean anything to you, but she is running for governor of our state.

And she is SIXTY FIVE YEARS OLD.


I about HIT. THE. FLOOR.

Maybe my new strategy isn't working as well as I thought.

Tomorrow it's back to damp hair and a last minute outfit because I can no longer spend the time at night ironing and preparing my clothes.  

I will be too busy applying anti-aging cream.


Photobucket

19 comments:

Ashlee said...

HAHA! This has to be the best post I have seen in a while. Thank you for the laugh!!


PS. You look nothing like her...ha


-Ashlee Michelle

Mallory said...

Was that JUDGE 65 years old?! Because unless you drastically changed since your wedding, that's insane and you honestly look nothing like her. Weirdo.

Carly said...

Oh my! Haha!! I can safely say that I do not see the resemblance.

Rachel said...

hahahaha, Oh, Laura, I'm so sorry. That's hilarious though. Perhaps not the best comparison.

Jackie said...

UGH. I luckily only get the "are you sure you are 29?" no ma'am/sir, my mama lied to me about my birthdate and the birth certificate is fake. I am always mistaken for much younger than I am.

Jackie said...

UGH. I luckily only get the "are you sure you are 29?" no ma'am/sir, my mama lied to me about my birthdate and the birth certificate is fake. I am always mistaken for much younger than I am.

ae said...

Oh my goodness! I guess that proves that a man is still a man no matter how smart he is.

For the record I do not think you look anything like her :)

Catherine {Spring in my Step} said...

Hah! :) What a cute story. And I do lots of prep the night before as well - it makes me feel so much better the next day knowing so many things are already taken care of.
- Catherine, cgspringer.blogspot.com

Brittany said...

Hahaha...yikes. Not what I'd want to hear either. I'd like for you to compile a list of pet names that he has given you.

SMD @ lifeaccordingtosteph said...

GAH. You are so not Allyson Schwartz.

Pamela said...

Oh gosh haha you are crazy, girl!

Katie Elizabeth said...

Omg. This is hilarious! I would have died! And I'm glad to hear my husband isn't the only one with 500 ridiculous nicknames for me :)

Shenine joon said...

LOL What the heck is wrong with that judge!!???!? That is ridiculous. I'm with you though, prepping lunch and things the night before makes for a smooth morning and I like that.

Lindsay @ Broke and Bougie said...

Ahhhh girl! this is too funny!! Some people...

Crazy Shenanigans-JMO said...

Wow! I wouldn't have guessed that she's that old!

Paige Gunter said...

I just have to tell you thank you. Up until I read your post I was worried I was the only wife that wakes up to hear her husband say goodbye and then goes back to sleep!:) So sorry your efforts were dashed so cruelly. Hope you feel better soon! :)

Michelle said...

OH MY GOSH. I am cracking up!!!! Your stories are my absolute FAVORITE.

Baby Sister said...

Haha. How not cool!! I got something in the mail from AARP one day and I was so confused....

Jr. Williams said...

I'm 50 Plus Years Old ... Should I Join AARP?
Fearless@50