i certainly couldn't give it up altogether

When I was a little girl, my dad would empty his suit pockets when he got home from work and leave any change he had in his pockets on my dresser.  After dinner I would count the change, and if I counted correctly I got to keep it.

If I counted incorrectly, I had to donate the money to the poor.

More often than not the money was donated to the poor, because differentiating between a nickel and a quarter and their respective values is evidently a task that I've struggled with since I was six years old.

One of my very favorite things in the world is Dunkin' Donuts iced coffee.  There is a spring promotion going on at the DD stores around here and iced coffee is just 99 cents plus tax.   That brings the total to $1.05 and you better believe that I have been taking full advantage of that sale.

Matt and I collect our change to use for special treats, and since iced coffee definitely counts as a special treat, each morning I grab $1.05 from our coin jar and get my coffee.

One day last week, I rummaged through the change jar for my coffee money and grabbed two quarters and a nickel.

For those of you playing along at home, that is only fifty five cents.

I drove up the street to DD and marched inside with my three coins because I was feeling so confident and superior because HELLO, I COME BEARING EXACT CHANGE.  And my superior attitude and  I placed an order for "iced caramel coffee with skim milk, sugar, and extra ice please."

"That will be one oh five," said the woman behind the counter.

I handed over my three coins and waited while she looked at them and flipped them over and over in her hand a few times.  And then she slowly looked up at me and said, "One dollar and five cents.  This?  Only fifty five cents."

And I have no reasonable explanation for why I reacted the way that I did.  I can only imagine it came from a place of deep embarrassment.

But here is what I did.

I pretended that I did not understand English.


It must have slipped my mind that just seconds earlier I'd ordered an iced caramel coffee with skim milk, sugar, and extra ice please which is a very particular order for SOMEONE WHO ALLEGEDLY DOES NOT SPEAK ENGLISH.

I made a few gestures with my hands and pointed to the parking lot like a crazy person.  And then I made the walk of shame to my car to scrounge up two more quarters because I'd been so confident in my coin counting that I'd left my wallet in the car.

And to top things off, as I made my shameful exit, the wind caught the door and it flew into the glass window of the store next door, so I looked like a crazy person who knows just enough English to make a very specific coffee order and has an anger problem.

I returned with two more quarters and a red face and sheepishly handed the coins to the lady behind the counter.

Once I had that iced coffee in my hands I literally ran out of the store.

Never to return again.

Because that iced coffee may only be $1.05.

But my pride is worth more than that.

And by "more than that" I mean driving a quarter mile further to the next DD.


HAHHAA! You pretended like you didn't understand. That is HILARIOUS.

Oh the things we do when we're in a shame spiral. I've been there. And it's definitely involved math for me too!
Such a funny story! I'm hooked on the iced coffees too!
Brittany said…
Hardest I've laughed at a blog post in quite a while. It's amazing what our brains urge us to do when we're embarrassed. Also, I love the idea of counting the change, keeping it if you're right, and donating if you're wrong. LOVE IT.
Brittany said…
Omygosh!!! That is way too funny!! I love your stories they always crack me up. Thanks for the laugh :)
Rebecca Jo said…
Oh my gosh... I'm at work reading this & I literally BUSTED out loud laughing when I got to the idea of you not being able to speak English....

I've had such a fear of never having enough money, I'll always go in for a $1.00 item with a $20 - JUST IN CASE!!! :) haha
Hahahaha that's amazing! We JUST got DDs out here in SoCal recently and I was so clueless ordering my iced coffee lol. I had no idea what I was doing.
Baby Sister said…
Hahahahaha!! Oh my gosh, that is hilarious. And I am so sorry!! I hate embarrassing myself in situations like that.
Christelle said…
Too funny! This one really made me laugh out loud! Thanks for the mid-day pick me up!:)
Baby Sister said…
Hahahahaha!! Oh my gosh, that is hilarious!! I'm sorry, but I laughed so hard when I read this. I don't know how I would have handled being in that situation, but I think you win. I hate getting myself in embarrassing situations like that, so I definitely feel your pain. Hopefully you'll have better luck at the other Starbucks. ;)
Katie said…
Dying. This is hilarious. Your posts always make me laugh. They are my favorites.
Michelle said…
HILARIOUS. I'm cracking up. Your stories are always the best.
Rachel said…
ahahahaha! Oh man, that's the worst. We had a slightly better excuse than you did, but during our first few weeks in China, we hadn't realized that they have 1 "dollar" bills and 10 cent bills as well, both with just the number 1 on them. The size of the bill is different, and the character as well, which I should have noticed, but I simply didn't expect there to be such a thing as a 10 cent paper bill. We learned that very vividly one day when a shopkeeper though it was very hilarious (and also completely unacceptable) for us to pay for our lunch using 10 cent bills as 1 "dollar" bills and explained to us in rapid Chinese what the problem was until we finally understood!
Kylie said…
Hahaha.... This sounds like something that would happen to me. Love it!!!
Brianna Wachter said…
Haha...Oh girl, I feel you! We all have those embarrassing moments at the register...seriously, it doesn't matter if I have way more cash than needed...I don't rest easy until the bill is paid and I'm on my way! :)
BLovedBoston said…
Oh gosh that story is just too funny and looks like your need to work on some coin counting again LOL! xo, Biana - BlovedBoston
Jen said…
Haha oh man too funny!
Haha, this amused me.

And now I want one of those cups for tea. I don't like coffee, but I LOVE sweet tea.
Oh my gosh! This is the funniest story, I am completely change challenged too! You poor thing, can't believe that the wind caught the door like that.. I'm glad you got your iced coffee in the end! And that your command of the English language seems to have returned ;) Lucy x
Melissa said…
Blahahahaha honestly, this sounds like something I would totally do. Anything for my coffee ;)
Ashley R said…
Oh my goodness- I seriously laughed out loud at this. I could totally see myself doing all of these things! Too funny.
Robin said…
Maybe I am just misunderstanding, but I think that cashier was rude to you. I have been a cashier before, and sometimes people accidentally give an incorrect amount of money. I would not slowly "talk down" to somebody like that.
Candace Shiflet said…
hahaahh shut up!! well actually, don't, cause this is so funny! you're braver than me, I would have probably just left to "get the rest of the change" and just left. and on another note, what your dad did is awesome! great lesson and cool to learn about donating to less fortunate.
xo, Candace | Lovely Little Rants
as soon as I read the first paragraph I googled this special because honestly I could drink DD iced coffee year round! It's not in my area boooo ):
Melanie Smith said…
Oh. My. Word.

This sounds EXACTLY like something I would do.

Except the whole not speaking English thing. I'm seriously rolling right now. Too funny. You are a hoot.