I always keep a sizable collection of reading material in my car because you never know when you will unexpectedly find yourself with a few extra moments. You might be early for an appointment. Or bored on your lunch hour. Or sitting in a traffic jam at rush hour on the turnpike.
Oh, I kid about that last one. I only read on non-toll roads.
JUST KIDDING AGAIN. I am actually a big time supporter of keeping your eyes on the road and off of your iphones and blackberries whilst operating a vehicle BECAUSE SERIOUSLY, WHAT EMAIL/TEXT IS SO IMPORTANT THAT IT CANNOT WAIT TO BE ANSWERED UNTIL YOU HAVE ARRIVED AT YOUR DESTINATION OR AT THE VERY LEAST FOUND SOMEWHERE TO SAFELY PULL OVER? I have some FEELINGS about that, but they are a story for another soapbox.
Anyway, yesterday I was on my way to the library to pick up two more books when it occurred to me that I have myself a mini library right in Old Blue, without the convenience of the handy Dewey Decimal System of course. My system of literary organization is more along the lines of a slightly disorganized pile on the backseat. Or on the floorboards, which is sometimes an unfortunate side effect of applying the brakes a bit more forcefully than usual. Either way, no Dewey.
Let's take a closer look. Here are two people I bet NEVER thought they would find themselves next to each other. Yet here they are, living on my backseat/floor in peace and harmony.
Ah, a Nicholas Sparks novel. This particular one is "The Wedding," but let's face it, it could be any one of his books, since they all have the EXACT SAME plot and the only things that change are the title and character names. Yet I ADORE every, single cheesy, poorly written one of them.
I keep these bad boys for a few reasons. One of which is just in case someone in the Wal Mart/Target/Sonic parking lot asks me about planning their will or how to file for custody. I will then whip out these trusty books and proceed to merely DISCUSS these legal issues with them, but most certainly not ADVISE them because successful completion of paralegal classes does not a lawyer make.
Also, these books are very big and heavy and I prefer to leave them in my car as opposed to carrying them back and forth into the house. That may sound lazy, but I prefer the terms clever and strategic.
And finally we have several sophisticated periodicals containing only the hardest hitting of news.
As I was driving yesterday, I began to think what an unlikely literary collection this was. And then, because I have a slight surplus of time on my hands, I pictured various authors/subjects having lunch together.
My three favorite scenarios were as follows:
1- Kate Middleton, Prince William, and the author of my estates and trusts textbook. Oh, what I wouldn't do to be a fly on that proverbial palace wall. Or a beneficiary on that will. Whichever.
2- President Bush, Tina Fey, and Nicholas Sparks. I think Tina would be hilarious and Mr. Bush would be a good sport, and Nicholas would try to be polite and occasionally come out with a line so disgustingly sweet that you literally cringe.
3- Tina, Carrie, Kate, and J-Lo. And me. That would just be fun, and I’d think I’d probably get at least one big break at such an outing. I’d get to showcase my singing talent for Carrie and J-Lo and most likely land myself a record deal. Or Tina would choose me for her comedic sidekick. Or perhaps Kate would take me back to London to become an honorary sister because we all know that what the royal family really needs is a princess from Pennsylvania.
And on that note, Happy Friday!