Wednesday, August 10, 2011

camping is intents

Matt and I went out the other night, and our evening started off at the place any good evening does.  Sears.  Matt was in the market for a bathing suit and I was in need of a pair of leopard print high heels.  Okay, perhaps "need" is the wrong word.  I saw a pair on Sunday afternoon and just fell in love, although I wasn't quite sure I was ready to take the plunge into the world of animal print footwear.  So, being the cautious shopper that I (sometimes) am, I employed the 24 hour test. Turns out I was still thinking of them Monday night, so I decided to go ahead and seize the retail opportunity.  Now, some people (coughmysistercough) may say that a pair of black, white, and blue leopard print high heels at any price isn't a bargain, but I disagree.  $11.99?  ONCE IN A LIFETIME. 
When we got out to the car I immediately opened up the box to try those bad boys on again, and while I was doing so Matt informed me that I should download the app called "How Stuff Works," because, as he said "it really comes in handy for all those times you wonder exactly how a two stroke engine works, for example."  

Do you know how many times I've wondered about the mechanical logistics of a two stroke engine?  ZERO.  Truthfully, I didn't even know there was such a thing as a two stroke engine until Matt broke the news of its existence to me and my leopard shoes last night. 

You may think that after Sears, there was nowhere to go but up, but you would be wrong.  We continued on our merry, low budget way to Wal Mart, where we were in and out in five minutes, and we didn't even take a detour through the camping department.  That is quite remarkable because Matt has been bitten by the camping bug. 

He decided a while back that he was going to plan a camping trip for one of the last weekends in August, and that he wanted me to accompany him.  Apparently he subscribes to the theory of “go big or go home,” because in the next week he ordered enough camping equipment to stock the local sporting goods store.  Also, because he loves a good spreadsheet, he made one about what we will need to bring and the food we can eat, and then he printed it out and it is currently stored in his leather portfolio for safe keeping.  I’m not kidding.  All. Business.

One of Matt’s purchases was a sleeping bag that is guaranteed to keep him toasty warm even if the temperatures dip down into single digits.  I don’t foresee that being a problem though, since the trip is planned for AUGUST when the temperatures hover around, oh, NINETY.  But better safe than sorry, I suppose, since you know how unpredictable those late August low pressure systems can be.  

Not to mention that tricky jet stream.

Or something.

Matt’s been asking me if I have a sleeping bag, and what the temperature rating is.  He advised me to get one that is promises warmth even when it’s 30 degrees cold outside.  Although if he thinks that I will be sleeping out in the wilderness in January with just a layer of nylon between me and a raging case of hypothermia, he doesn’t know me nearly as well as I thought he did.  

I have assured him that I do own a sleeping bag, I’m just not exactly sure where it is, and since it was used primarily for the high school sleepover circuit, I’m not even sure that it has a temperature rating.

Well, the other day I came home and literally tripped over something in my doorway.  It was the prodigal sleeping bag.  I was curious to know from whence it came, so I asked around.  My mom knew nothing about it.  My brother wasn’t home.  Next up?  Emily.  I went into the kitchen and said “Hey Em, did you put that sleeping bag in my doorway?” 

Nope,” she said, “Phil did.  He was cleaning out his room, and he had it because that’s the sleeping bag he always uses.  Although I did take it with me on the youth group trip because we slept on the dorm floors…sooooo…you’re probably going to want to wash it.”

Well how kind and generous of my dear siblings to make sure my sleeping bag gets plenty of use and attention, and then return it to me just in time for it to be washed!

Perhaps the How Stuff Works app has a little section that I could share with them called WASHING MACHINES.

I got a little off track there.

So, the other night I got home and introduced my shoes to the family, and then Emily came into the kitchen and asked me if she could use my laptop to google something for school.  I told her that I'd like a go at the question first because I take any and all opportunities to blow her away with my intelligence.  

"It's for my summer math packet..." she said with a hint of doubt in her voice, as if I might not be able to handle it.  However, I did make it through high school and college and out the other side, so I was pretty confident that my math skillz were adequate enough for her 10th grade homework.  Although I don’t think I will ever quite recover from my Math 21 experience in college.  Intermediate algebra with my professor, Sunghoon Bueng.  He spoke little to no English which wasn’t exactly beneficial for a class full of liberal arts majors whose idea of math was figuring out how many loads of laundry they could do with the change at the bottom of their schoolbag.

Emily read me the problem…

A plane makes the trip from City A to City B at 800 km/h. The return, at 1000 km/h takes 1/2 h less than the initial flight. Find the distance between the towns.

I literally felt sick.  There is nothing I dislike more than a distance word problem.  Also, HELLOOOO METRIC SYSTEM!  HAVE WE BEEN TRANSPORTED TO GREAT BRITAIN AND NO ONE TOLD ME?  

I slid over my computer and wished her luck.  Although looking back, I should have just showed her the “How Stuff Works” app because I bet there would have been a solution on there.   

And if not, she could have just written an essay on two stroke engines.  I’m sure she totally would have gotten some bonus points for that.


The Vintage Modern Bride said...

aww i loved this post! i'm glad you got the shoes, your sleeping bag (did you ever find the rating? hahaha), and well, maybe we need to find out how two stroke engines work (which btw, what in the heck are those for?!)

Erin said...

Let's recap:
Sweet shoes. Camping. Two stroke engines. Distance/speed problem. Weather and Sears.

This post is chock full o' win. I love the way you write, it's hilarious!

Amanda said...

I love your description of your husband's camping initiative. My husband loves camping and is very meticulous about the preparations. He has multiple plastic tubs, each with a specific purpose, and all of his little gadgets are perfectly organized in each tub. I wish he were that organized in every area of his life!

ae said...

I am with you on the distance word problems. They are horrible! ;)

Denise said...

This post has me cracking up! I'm glad someone else shows the same amount of interest as me! And my hubby is the same way. Camping is serious business for him! haha loved this!!

Jazzy E (hivenn) said...


Anonymous said...

Don't worry about 2 strokes, unless they're also direct fuel injected they pollute too much for the EPA to let anyone make them anymore. As for the sleeping bag, even a 30 degree mummy bag does nothing to keep your nose warm on a cold night. And finally, the best part about those shoes is that you won't ever go out in public with them mismatched with anything else in your closet. Oh, and the cities are 2000 km apart. I'm not sure how Google would know that, though.

Nicole said...

You wouldn't find me camping in January either! No thank you!

Amanda said...

Math and I don't get along...regardless of what language my teacher spoke lol

Carla said...

Loved the shoes. Cracked up at the Hello metric system comment. Great post.

honey my heart said...

very nice shoes!

Cait said...

ahha seriously laughed so loud with this post! You should check out my giveaway I'm having on my blog to win a Bobbi Brown eyeshadow compact :)

Baby Sister said...

I HATE those kinds of Math problems. With a passion. Love those shoes though!!

Mrs Pancakes said...

I love the shoes and sounds like an awesome plan.

Things To Do said...

I sometimes wonder what happened to my sleeping bag it probably was full of dorito crumbs and soda. And can you wear high heels camping? Cause I totally think you should rock those shoes EVERYWHERE.

Ashley Sloan said...

Haha cute shoes! I tried the 24 hour thing and I knew I wanted them before I waited the 24 hour thing but my husband made me wait! Ah, it was torture! I didn't want it to sell out! And camping, so fun! You should go! We just did and we just bought sleeping pads which I highly recommend!

Ashley Sloan

Mere said...

Haha this post is awesome! I know, I'm late in reading it. LOVE the shoes- I scored some leopard pumps 4 years ago for $5!!! and can't wait to break them out every fall. And camping is such fun! Especially now that you have a nice sleeping bag :p