One morning last week I had to go to a hearing at the courthouse, and there just so happened to be some GALE FORCE WINDS going on that morning. I was so preoccupied with the task of keeping my hair from getting blown into my freshly glossed lips that I forgot to grab my work ID when I got out of my car. The ID that conveniently allows me to bypass security at the courthouse entrance.
When I got to security I plopped my enormous purse on the moving belt and walked through the scanner. Which beeped, OF COURSE. While one of the sheriffs pulled me to the side and waved that little wand tool all around, the sheriff manning the bag screener yelled over to alert me that they had identified some contraband in my purse.
"Excuse me miss," he called, "I think I see a camera in your bag. And is it also possible that you have some silverware in there? Specifically, a fork?"
For a few seconds I toyed with the idea of telling him that I must have put the fork in my purse instead of my lunchbox in a moment of absentmindedness, or maybe that I carry a fork around at all times JUST TO BE ON THE SAFE SIDE.
But since I'd hate to lie to an officer of the law, I just said, "Yes sir, that is quite possible."
And then I watched him put my contraband into a plastic bag, label it with my name and phone number, and tell me to pick it up on my way out.
After the hearing I had to go to the security desk and tell the sheriff on duty that "My name is Laura, and I am here to pick up a Sony Cyber Shot camera and a...fork."
That was fun.
Fast forward to yesterday.
I had another hearing, but this one was in the city. After we were finished my boss asked if I wanted to walk a few blocks to get sushi, to which I said yes because HOW FANCY AND SOPHISTICATED.
Problem was I had never eaten sushi before. And when my rainbow roll came out wrapped in salmon that was probably swimming in a cool mountain stream JUST THAT MORNING, my panic level rose to a 7. I took a long swig of my peach Snapple and prepared to dig in.
Except I couldn't find my fork.
AND THAT'S WHEN I REALIZED THAT I WAS ONLY PROVIDED WITH CHOPSTICKS.
THIS LUNCH WAS GOING DOWNHILL FAST.
My performance was less than perfect, but I managed to make the chopsticks work. And I ate the sushi even though I typically prefer my lunch to be, you know, COOKED.
And as we left the restaurant I thought that maybe it's not such a bad idea to carry a fork in my purse at all times. JUST TO BE ON THE SAFE SIDE.