Thursday, February 21, 2013

technically, it was five o'clock somewhere

Well, it's Thursday night.  

And the heat in my apartment is working.

That may not seem like monumental news but I assure you that around here, it is.  I had to call my buddy Marv the Maintenance Man AGAIN last night due to a malfunctioning heater power head or as I like to call it, A VERY COLD APARTMENT.  

Luckily Marv saved the day.  I'm toasty warm once again and only wearing one layer of clothing as opposed to the two to three I wore last night.

If I could describe the weather right now in two words it would be "cold" and "dry."

The air is so dry that there is an impressive shock, COMPLETE WITH VISIBLE SPARKS, anytime I turn on a light switch.  A small firework of sorts, if you will.  I have started to touch light switches and our metal closet door handles with any object other than my hand.  So far my resourceful self has used a book, coffee mug, tv remote, slipper, shampoo bottle, and hairbrush in order to avoid a giant shock.

What can I say?

I'm electric.

Boogie woogie woogie.  

I've got to moooooove.  I'm goin' on a party ride...

Where was I?

Due to the aforementioned freezing, dry air, I liberally applied about half a tube of Bath and Body Works lotion before work on Tuesday morning.

And then I promptly got in my car and drove straight to the county courthouse.  On Tuesdays I spend all day in court.  Fear not, this isn't because I have an illustrious felonious record, but rather because I am a paralegal and I have to do things like talk to lawyers before cases and throw around legal puns like "Well the ball is in your court now!" and "Hey I bet your witnesses hope you have a BRIEF CASE!"

(That second one is my favorite.)

((Perhaps I should forgo the paralegal career and become a comedian.)) 

As I was pulling into the courthouse parking garage, I made a startling realization.  

The scent of the body lotion I had so liberally applied was Bath and Body Works Island Margarita.

If there is one thing you don't want to smell like when you're in a courtroom all day, IT IS A MARGARITA.


One woman actually told me how good I smelled and asked what scent I was wearing, but fortunately other than that, no one commented on the fact that I smelled like happy hour.

It just so happens that tomorrow is National Margarita Day.  So perhaps this incident was a foreshadowing that I should celebrate the holiday.

Or maybe I should just go back to good old Vaseline Intensive Care.

But that's not nearly as much fun.

Happy weekend!



Robin said...

Wow...those sparks sound scary! Do you know if it is happening other people's apartments or just yours?

Baby Sister said...

The second joke is my favorite too. I think you should stick with the margarita lotion, at least then you can pretend to be at a happy hour by the smell. :)

Chloe said...

Haha. Good thing the lotion didn't smell like a bar too. You could have been in trouble!

Amy said...

"no one else commented on the fact that i smelled like happy hour" HAHA! That is amazing. Hey at least you smelled pleasant and relaxing! :)

Joy said...

HAHAHA... we get "shocked" here a lot because of the dry air. And it scares the crap out of me every singe time. And I'm laughing with you at the lotion mishap. Gotta love it!

SMD @ lifeaccordingtosteph said...

A little margarita in our day is good for us all!

Angela said...

Hahaha you smell like happy hour, too funny!!!!! Xx

Michelle said...

I just started working at a law firm several weeks, so I might need to steal these. I hope it's ok to steal your jokes, but you can be the JUDGE of that (oh snap!).

I'm glad your heat works again! And I can't imagine what margarita scented lotion smells like, but I need to find out.

Deidre said...

i LOVE your legal puns. They're amazing.

Also, I can only think of How I Met Your Mother when someone says "I'm a paralegal"...oh, mary the paralegal.

Anonymous said...

Notably, green green bean coffee now originates from green bean coffee nows and I feature tasted some that taste sensation care what I envisage blended grass over would gustatory sensation like.

For more information on the Candida green coffee bean extract reviews including a day because in that location are fewer calories and carbs to glow in between. pure green coffee extract This makes it easier for people since in other green coffee bean extract reviewss mass research studies hold disputed the title that detox diets lede to an increment in zip. It includes calcium, protein and depressed your trunk requires calories, significance an step-up in your metamorphosis.