Well, it's Thursday night.
And the heat in my apartment is working.
That may not seem like monumental news but I assure you that around here, it is. I had to call my buddy Marv the Maintenance Man AGAIN last night due to a malfunctioning heater power head or as I like to call it, A VERY COLD APARTMENT.
Luckily Marv saved the day. I'm toasty warm once again and only wearing one layer of clothing as opposed to the two to three I wore last night.
If I could describe the weather right now in two words it would be "cold" and "dry."
The air is so dry that there is an impressive shock, COMPLETE WITH VISIBLE SPARKS, anytime I turn on a light switch. A small firework of sorts, if you will. I have started to touch light switches and our metal closet door handles with any object other than my hand. So far my resourceful self has used a book, coffee mug, tv remote, slipper, shampoo bottle, and hairbrush in order to avoid a giant shock.
What can I say?
Boogie woogie woogie.
I've got to moooooove. I'm goin' on a party ride...
Where was I?
Due to the aforementioned freezing, dry air, I liberally applied about half a tube of Bath and Body Works lotion before work on Tuesday morning.
And then I promptly got in my car and drove straight to the county courthouse. On Tuesdays I spend all day in court. Fear not, this isn't because I have an illustrious felonious record, but rather because I am a paralegal and I have to do things like talk to lawyers before cases and throw around legal puns like "Well the ball is in your court now!" and "Hey I bet your witnesses hope you have a BRIEF CASE!"
(That second one is my favorite.)
((Perhaps I should forgo the paralegal career and become a comedian.))
As I was pulling into the courthouse parking garage, I made a startling realization.
The scent of the body lotion I had so liberally applied was Bath and Body Works Island Margarita.
If there is one thing you don't want to smell like when you're in a courtroom all day, IT IS A MARGARITA.
One woman actually told me how good I smelled and asked what scent I was wearing, but fortunately other than that, no one commented on the fact that I smelled like happy hour.
It just so happens that tomorrow is National Margarita Day. So perhaps this incident was a foreshadowing that I should celebrate the holiday.
Or maybe I should just go back to good old Vaseline Intensive Care.
But that's not nearly as much fun.