Monday, July 25, 2016

next time we're paying the $99 for delivery and assembly

When Matt and I started house hunting last fall, we also starting couch hunting.  We bought a couch and love seat set when we got married, and while we saved for months to buy them and at the time thought they were just fantastic, we got what we paid for, which was a couch that went completely flat by the time we'd had it for two years.  I flipped and puffed and rotated those cushions with fanatical routine, but my resistance was futile.

The cushions are like quicksand.  Once you're in them, you cannot get out.

We found a couch we loved during a Black Friday sale, and we finally got it this past weekend, because true to form, while we decided on a house in about three days, it took us seven months to commit to the couch.  Matt and his brother picked it up on Friday evening, and because it's a sectional, it came in six different boxes.

We foolishly decided to start the assembly on Friday night around 6:30.

Without eating dinner.

And we could not figure out how to put it together.  We were also working in our dimly lit family room, which still contained our two old couches, two end tables, and coffee table, and was approximately 86 degrees because our circa 1983 wall air conditioning unit has seen better decades.

By 9:30 we'd had the couch in about six different unsuccessful configurations, so naturally Matt surmised that it was manufactured incorrectly.  There are clips on both sides of each piece, some facing up and some facing down, which are ideally supposed to click together.

Due to the assumed faulty manufacturing, Matt unscrewed the clips on four of the six pieces, flipped them upside down, and screwed them back on.

And then it REALLY wouldn't go together.  We decided we should put the clips back the way they came, but we couldn't remember which we'd switched and which we'd left and it was then that I started to cry and suggested we just order pizza and try again tomorrow.

And so that's exactly what we did.  And we ate it on our old flat couch because we didn't want to chance getting pizza on the new one.

Life is glamorous.

We tried the couch assembly again on Saturday, and things went much better after a full night of sleep.  It also helped that the corner piece, which had been sitting right on the ground and therefore three inches below the rest of the couch causing us great frustration, had a zipper pouch on the bottom with six little legs.

GAME.  CHANGER.

My sister was coming over on Saturday evening, and just as Matt and I high-fived our successful couch assembly, Emily texted me and said "Hey, can you send me your address so I can plug it into my GPS?"

We've lived in our house for seven months.  She's been here several times.  And it is a whopping one point nine miles and three turns from my parents' house where Emily has lived for her entire twenty years.

But I sent her our address and she made it here without getting lost on one of those three tricky turns.

I recently learned that Em had never seen Forrest Gump (or Father of the Bride, which is a movie marathon for another weekend), so that's what we watched on Saturday night.  As the credits rolled, I looked at her with tears in my eyes and said, "Well, that was Forrest Gump, a cinematic masterpiece.  What did you think?"

And she rolled her eyes and said, "Meh."

MEH.

TOUGH CROWD.

I still get nervous when Emily drives, so as she got in the car to leave, I walked out to the sidewalk and yelled through the open window, "Use your mirrors!!  Never trust someone else's turn signal! Hands at ten and two!!"

And she laughed and said, "Hands at seven and nine!"

Seven and nine?  I didn't see how that would ensure complete control of the vehicle but figured maybe it was some newfangled driver's ed trend.  But then Emily shouted, "Oops!! I meant nine and three!  Bye!" 

And she drove off into the sunset, with her hands who knows where on the steering wheel but most definitely not adjusting the radio dial because SAFETY FIRST.

Today was a hundred degrees (literally) and around dinnertime a whopper of a storm rolled in.

Emily texted me to see what she should do if the power went out and I offered some sage advice.

Matt turned into Jim Cantore over here had the radar going and was literally racing from window to window checking out the conditions in the front yard versus the back yard.

When it started to hail, Matt ran outside to grab a piece and had me take a picture to tweet to his favorite meteorologist, which she retweeted, HOLLA,

And then he saved the hail in the freezer.


"We have to save the first hail in the new house!" he said.

Such a sentimental guy.

Also, please don't judge the three containers of ice cream in the freezer.  Matt emailed Turkey Hill a few weeks ago to share how much he enjoys their ice cream and to keep up the good work, and they sent us a PACKAGE of coupons and vouchers and we've been using them with reckless abandon.

I'm falling back into my childhood routine of eating a bowl of ice cream every single night before bed.  Except as a child I would sit at the kitchen table and read/memorize my elementary school's handbook and family directory.

Now I can at least sit on a firm, perfectly assembled couch while I enjoy a bowl of chocolate peanut butter cup.

And watch Forrest Gump.

Life is glamorous.

21 comments:

Faith said...

Ok, I think you're brilliant. The way you can make everyday life sound so hilarious. It's just the way you think to write about these days that is so brilliant. So yea, that's all I got!

Julie said...

I like the couch, I think that's what Keith eventually wants for the basement once its done :)

Emily Jane said...

I love how you write, you're so funny! Glad you finally got the couch figured out. I can't believe she was so "meh" about Forrest Gump though ! I'm about to start sending emails to every ice cream company that I like and pray for coupons and vouchers.

SMD @ lifeaccordingtosteph said...

LOLOL I would want to cry and order pizza too. I'm glad you guys got it on Saturday!

Rebecca Jo said...

That couch is HUGE!!!!!! Party at your place!

Love the hail. You could replace it with a sliver of ice through the years - no one will ever know the difference

Emily said...

Life IS glamorous! Made so even more glamorous by your fancy couch. Man, assembling furniture + marriage = all the fun times. And I mean that in the most sarcastic way possible ;)

Lindsay at Lindsay'sSweetWorld said...

How did she not like Forrest Gump?! It's one of the best movies EVER! And how has she not seen Father of the Bride?? FOTB2 is one of my favorite movies of all time. ALL TIME. We just watched the first one the other night for the nine millionth time. Always makes me feel so good!

Emily at 'a little bit of Emily' said...

You crack me up every time. Forrest Gump is not my favorite either - so I totally relate to your sister. So glad you got the couch put together...attempting to put it together on a Friday night before eating dinner would make it an epic fail for me, too.

Brittany said...

I've also met some Forrest Gump cynics and I've come to one conclusion: They can't be trusted. I love that your husband wanted to save the first hail in the house. That's kinda amazing.

Mattie @ Northwest Native said...

FORREST GUMP IS NOT 'MEH'! But I've also never seen Father of the Bride so I feel like I can't talk. We desperately need a new couch too. Our $500 Ikea chaise lounge couch situation was great for about two months. Now the cushions don't stay put and the cover is pilling and it's just not fun.

Amy @ Getz Girl on Fire said...

Couch looks awesome! I would have had assembly rage so there's that! Love your take on things . . . you crack me up! And my son is turning 15 and will be getting his learner's permit so I'll be freaking out for years to come!!

Cece @Mahogany Drive said...

It's either your time or your money. That's how it always works. Furniture assembly in a hot house sounds awful! and like quite the workout. Glad you got it together!

Claire said...

This is an incredible post haha!! And way to finish with turkey hill ice cream YUM!!

Michelle said...

I laughed SO HARD at Matt saving the hail. He and I would get along so well in a storm!

We ordered a giant sectional from Ikea a couple years ago. I think it took James an entire day to set it up. I had to hide upstairs for the sake of our marriage.

MilitaryPugWife said...

Omg furniture assembly is crazy! We've done it so many times. I love that couch!

Rachel said...

Your new couch is epic!! I've always been in awe of sectional couches but I've never lived in a house that had one. We bought our first couch from a thrift store for $200 and it was the coziest, comfiest couch of my life. I literally slept on the couch when Angel was working night shift sometimes (and this was before we had tv, so there was no reason whatsoever to sleep in the living room), just because the couch was so cozy. I loved that couch so much. So, so much. We bought our couch here purely for utilitarian reasons and it isn't cozy but it's small and an efficient use of space, which is just what we need for our tiny apartment. It looks cute too, but will never win awards for comfy-ness.

Genevieve Hughes Graham said...

Hilarious title!! DIY sometimes is a PAIN! lol have a great day and enjoy the new couch! gg
www.makinamama.com

Jenna said...

Oh my goodness! I laughed through this entire post! Your sister reminds me so much of mine and it cracks me up! I can't tell you how glad I am you commented on my blog so I found yours! I am so looking forward to reading more!

Elenie Counts said...

You and your sisters sound like so much fun. Haha! Also, Father of the Bride! One of my absolute favorites. :) You need to introduce her to that one stat.

New follower.

Elenie Counts said...

*Sister, not sisters. Oops.

jenn said...

i'm with emily on forrest gump. MEH.