I took the day off today and spent it doing all kinds of exciting things, like cleaning all the windows in the house and going to the dermatologist.
The dermatologist did my first ever skin cancer check, and half a second in, she pointed to a spot on my ear and said, "How long has this been here?" I had no idea. I'd never seen it before. And then she pointed out a spot on my forehead and asked, "How about this one? Do you remember when it appeared, or if it's gotten darker or changed in size?"
I'm not going to downplay this charming personal quality, but I could practically have a part time job with the amount of time I spend looking at myself in a mirror. From the time I was a little girl my parents have said, "Oh, she loves to look at herself" and my mom jokes that I've never met a reflective surface I didn't like. And she's right. I can't even remember the last time I walked by our microwave without looking at my reflection in the door. Carly Simon's "You're So Vain" could be my theme song.
So, the fact that I could not identify the age or appearance of these marks made me wonder whose face I've been staring at in mirrors and microwaves and shiny car doors for the last two decades.
After that I went home to wait for Enterprise to come pick me up, because I was renting a car for a business trip this week. Romeo arrived promptly at 3:45. I rent cars all the time so I feel like the Enterprise people are old pals. As we pulled away, Romeo looked at my leggings and my Nikes and said, "So, you going jogging later?"
I didn't have it in me to admit that I was wearing the outfit purely as athleisure apparel. I want to simply LOOK like I am in pursuit of fitness, but really have zero intention of working out.
So in that respect, I guess, MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I lied through my teeth and said, "I already went."
Romeo responded, "I'm a runner too. How many miles did you do today?"
Houston, we have a problem. That problem is that I have not run in my life, ever.
I didn't know what to say because I had no idea what an "average" run is. Is it one mile? Four miles? Ten miles?
I paused for a moment and then decided to just come clean. "Well, I didn't really...run, exactly. I just...walked."
I appreciate Romeo for not laughing at me. "Like, power walk?" he said.
No, Romeo. Like, regular walk. Around the block.
Then Romeo started asking me why I don't run. I told him I don't like to run and he wanted to know what I don't like about it.
Finally I said, "It's too much effort. And walking around the block is better than nothing."
By that time we were at Enterprise, and when I got inside, a young girl who looked about my sister's age started to help me. She asked me for my driver's license and when I handed it over she practically passed out. "Well, whoa," she remarked. "You look REALLY young. I mean, for your age and all. I mean, you could practically pass for one of my friends."
And then I followed her out to the Chevy Impala not knowing if I should feel happy that I look young or depressed that I am now the age college students consider old.
She chatted away telling me how she's an intern and just started last week and then she popped the trunk of the car to show me where the spare tire is located. The car was inconveniently backed halfway into a bush so I just nodded from afar and thanked her for the spare tire info. And then she tried to close the trunk, and kept closing branches from the bush inside of it, chatting all the while about how my job sounds really cool and she'd love to go on business trips someday and did I ever drive an Impala before and who in the world would back a car halfway into a bush?!
I had to literally TURN AWAY so she wouldn't see me laughing as she got in the driver's seat and pulled the car forward several feet so that she could close the trunk without sending me off with half a rhododendron hanging out the back.
And in that moment, I thought that even though I might have more questionable age/sun spots on my face than I did 8 years ago, I don't miss being 20.
When Matt got home, he went out back to check on the chickens and the garden while I finished dinner. He came back with a strange look on his face and said, "Things are fishy out there. LITERALLY."
Do you know what was in our yard? A GIANT FISH HEAD.
I don't even know what to say about that, except it was o-fish-ially the weirdest Tuesday every.