Thursday, August 3, 2017

the weekend we designed a kitchen, solved a crime, and had a nephew

Matt had a work event on Friday night so I went to my parents' house for homemade pizza and to watch Father of the Bride.  My sister had never seen it, and I have no idea how she lived twenty one years on this earth and in this family without ever seeing it, but we changed that Friday night.

We ate our pizza while we watched Father of the Bride and as suspected, Emily loved it.  I can't remember the last time I've seen her laugh as hard as she did when Franck made his appearance on the screen.

On Saturday Matt and I met with Victor at Lowe's again to get the designs for our new kitchen cabinets.  We went back last night to make a few changes to Saturday's designs, and I almost passed out when the total came up on the screen and the receipt printed out and was almost as tall as I am.

Saturday's meeting last for three hours, and we were so hungry when we left that we stopped at Sonic on the way home.  When you're spending many, many, many dollars to remodel your kitchen, why not get fast food lunch instead of actually cooking in it?

When we got home we wandered out back to the garden.  I felt something on my arm and turned around and realized a bird had pooped on me.


I haven't actually run in weeks months years, but I moved with speed I didn't know I possessed to get back to the house, where I vowed to remain forever and never go outside again.

But as it turns out, it was a gorgeous night, so I broke my promise to myself and Matt and I laid on the hammock and looked at the stars which sounds cheesy but it was so relaxing.  I pointed out the Big Dipper 528 times until Matt finally downloaded a star app to prove me wrong. 

Whatever.  It's out there somewhere.

It was cool enough to sleep with the windows wide open, and I went to bed feeling so relaxed until Matt shook me awake in the middle of the night and said, in a serious voice, "Laura, there's been an accident."

I followed him to the window and we saw our our neighbor's Honda Civic, which had been parked facing down the hill on the far side of our driveway, was facing up the hill and on our front lawn.

A few houses up, facing the other way, was a Maserati with two flat tires, a smoking hood, and two occupants who had fled the scene.

Our other neighbors Paul and Eileen came outside and there we all were, standing in our pajamas at 2:15 in the morning.  I told them that despite the open windows, I didn't even hear the crash, and Eileen said, "You didn't hear it?  It sounded like an atomic bomb!  And the house even shook!"

Add "very heavy sleeper" to my resume.

We live in a nice little neighborhood, but not Maserati nice.  More like Ford/Toyota/Honda nice.  Paul said, "Who around here has a Maserati?  And why did they run?  Maybe it's stolen!"

I'll tell you who around here has a Maserati, crashes it at 2 a.m., and runs away.  

A salesman of the very illegal sort.

While we watched the officers arrive, Matt said, "While they wait for the K9 unit to get here, I think the cops should follow the perp's footprints in the dew."

Someone is putting his Citizen's Police Academy education to practical use.

I went back inside after a few minutes, but Matt and some of the other neighbors stayed outside until 3:30, watching the cops process the scene and getting updates on the chase (they did find the bad guys).  

We were tired the next morning, but when I saw the text from my brother that the baby was coming, I woke right up.  

By the way, his name is John, and they're going to call him Jack.

And he is the cutest baby boy I've ever seen.


Faith said...

Seriously how do you have the best and funniest stories?! Hilarious!

Kristin @ Going Country said...

One time in high school my friend Megan got pooped on by a bird through the sunroof of the car on the way to school. On her head.

My kids love that story. Megan didn't find it so funny.

P.S.I also have a John that I was planning on calling Jack, but his inflexible and pedantic older brothers refused the nickname, and so John he is. So much for the exalted position of mothers. Let's hope your Jack's big sister isn't so stubborn.

Emily at 'a little bit of Emily' said...

Your stories - they just never fail, haha! What in the world with that accident?! So glad they found the bad guys - that is seriously crazy, though! My little nephew is Jackson and we normally call him Jack. Kind of obsessed with that name. :)

Emily Jane said...

I agree with Faith, you take seemingly normal life things (aside from the Maserati incident) and make it funny- I'm not sure how you do it!

SMD @ lifeaccordingtosteph said...

Congrats on your new nephew!

Foxy's Domestic Side said...

Yay for a new nephew! and crazy about that crashed car, that is CRAZY!

Lindsay at Lindsay'sSweetWorld said...

The things that happen to you guys, I swear! Only you! And I cannot believe that your sister had never seen FOB. That is one of my favorite movies of all time! FOB2 is just as good! It's a sequel that was just as good as the first one, in my opinion!

Michelle said...

This is crazy! And hilarious!! I can't even imagine how much it's going to cost to remodel your kitchen. It looks so big! I'm excited for you.

sara [at] journey of doing said...

That recipe is intense. I don't even know. I feel like Matt could have chiseled the cabinets out of a branch, he's so talented.

And Maserati and an upside down car in your yard?

It was probably the woman with the hose. I blame her for most things.

Leslie said...

I love your mom! Congratulations on your new nephew! Also, the car situation sounds like quite the excitement. My brother was an EMT and I'm always in shock with his stories. One time there was a car crash similar to yours and he and the police ended up chasing the "patient" down.

Deena @Shoes to Shiraz said...

bahahhhhaa- love your story telling!

Torrie said...

That receipt is legit! It totally looks fake. I would have flipped out, too! Home improvement projects can seriously get so expensive, it's scary. I'm excited to see what you end up doing, though!

Freaky about the accident. That's not the way you want to get woken up!

Beautifully Candid said...

Father of the Bride is such a classic and now I want to watch it. Ugh kitchen renos are no joke but you will love it after. Congratulations on your new nephew!
Beautifully Candid

Brianne said...

Homemade pizza AND Father of the Bride?! Sounds like a pretty awesome night. I'm pretty sure I made a shocked face when you said she had never seen it. I about died at your face in the bird poop picture lol. I miss being able to sleep with the windows open. However, not only is it too stinking hot out, my new downstairs neighbors are loud enough with the windows shut that if I opened them up Matt might have to show up to put his cop skills to use & investigate a crime down here. Congrats on the nephew!

Laura at Fantastically Four said...

Wow, well, I've come to expect a little crazy from your neighborhood now. It never disappoints! Glad they caught the bad guys. Happy to hear about sweet Jack, too. :) Congrats on your nephew and have a happy weekend!

Jenny said...

Father Of The Bride is such a funny movie! What an eventful night you guys had. Wow! And congrats on being an Auntie! :)

Audrey Louise said...

Victor is going to have widespread fame by the time you're done with your kitchen ;)
What a terrible thing that bird did to you!
When K was away on a business trip someone sideswiped and hit like 4 cars parked along the street in front of our house. I didn't hear it, but my dog started barking when the people fled (what is wrong with people??!) and the cops showed up. They caught the drunk/bad guys but I was a little freaked out because I was home alone. Thankfully our cars were in the driveway :)

rooth said...

I hope no one was hurt in that accident! I swear you guys live a life right out of a tv sitcom

Trista @ The Classy Chaos said...

Your stories always crack me up! And I can't believe she hasn't seen father of the bride either. Hands down one of the best movies!! She needs to now see father of the bride 2. We've been working with lowes on our kitchen. I plan to do a post soon about it. I have some good things to say and some not so good things. But I vividly remember the day we paid for our cabinets - eek!!

Kristen @ See You In A Porridge said...

oh my lord that receipt! i would have a heart attack as well. very exciting though! except the bird poop. that happened to me when i was a teenager and i thought i would die from embarrassment. spoiler, i didn't. the accident! oh my goodness! thank goodness they didn't crash into your house. that probably would have woken you up.

Nadine Lynn said...

I love Father of the Bride!!! That is one long receipt!!! And the story about the Maserati is crazy! You just never know what you might wake up to in the middle of the night these days. Congrats on your nephew :)

dublinerinDeutschland said...

Apparently a bird pooping on you is meant to bring good luck! "Father of the bride" is so funny

Amanda said...

Hahah I love all of this. I haven't seen Father of the Bride in ages! I should dedicate some time to those movies, for sure. Congrats on the nephew! I'll also call him Sir.

julie @ said...

You crack me up! What a story! Definitely one for the books...! So who were the bad guys and had they stolen the Maserati?

Alex M-S @ Whitehall & Rose said...

I'm dying from this car crash story (obviously not about the crash, but Matt's comments omg). My boyfriend is a police officer, so Matt sounds just like me when I'm trying to tell my bf basically how to do his job and he's like's not how it works... "follow his foot prints in the dew" hahahaha dead.