Friday, July 1, 2011

they call me the cat whisperer

So.  I'm currently doing something I never really thought I would do.

Pursuing my pilot's license.

Oh,  I kid.  I'm pet sitting.  

Things are going well, except this whole experience has solidified the fact that I am not a cat person.  First of all, I do not like the fact that she can sneak around silently, and most of the time, I know not where she sneaks.  
Furthermore, Kitty and I had ourselves a battle of the wills on Saturday night when it took twenty minutes for me to lure her into the half bath where she sleeps.  Twenty.  Long.  Minutes.  I was scared to death to pick her up and she refused to move from her perch at the top of the stairs.  Eventually I resorted to enticing her with a trail of tuna flavored cat treats.  She stared at the path o' treats for a long time, but eventually gave in and as soon as she ran in the bathroom I shut the door behind her and breathed a sigh of victorious relief.

And that is when I realized I was in a Major Pickle because I had left the light on. 

Suddenly I felt sympathetic and wondering how, OH HOW, will the poor cat get a proper night's rest with the light on?    However, I knew if I opened the door enough to get inside, that cat would shoot out of there like a bat out of you know where.  And there weren’t enough kitty treats left to lure her back in since I had totally depleted my supply in round 1.  

So I just waited a few minutes to throw her off her game, then I opened the door a teeny, tiny little crack, wedged a wooden spoon in through the opening, and slid it up and down the wall until I found the switch, and flipped it down so the cat could sleep soundly without being bothered by the light.

I'm pleased to report that the cat seemed extra rested and refreshed in the morning, no doubt due to her dark sleeping quarters.  Also, she has gone to the bed every night since without a bit of a problem.

Not only have I learned to outsmart a cat, but this week has provided me with the opportunity to add three things to my list of Things I Never Thought I'd Google.

1- How do you know if a cat is happy?
2- What does it mean when a cat arches her back?
3- How do you clean a litter box?

I'm still a little unclear on the answers to questions 1 and 2, but I learned the answer to number 3.  OH, I LEARNED.

And then I gagged.

Anywho, in addition to the cat, I am also in charge of a very agreeable beagle, some well behaved fish, and a guinea pig.   That's right.  I'm a regular Dr. Doolittle.

The experience is actually reminding me of the time my college roommates and I bought our own guinea.


Hey, did you know that Petco has a 30 day return policy, and that it includes animals?
That’s one of those things that people read on the back of the receipt and think, “Who in the world uses the return policy at Petco?!” 

Me.  I use it. 

I promise that we bought Winnie the Guinea with the best of intentions.  


We thought a guinea pig would be SO FUN AND ADORABLE.  You know what's not fun and adorable?  Cleaning out a guinea pig cage several times a week, and a member of the phylum rodentia living in your kitchen.

Truthfully I can't even believe that Petco sold Winnie to us, because when we saw the guinea pig cages we decided they didn't go with our decorating scheme so instead we bought Winnie a pink, Victorian style bird cage in which to live.  

Well, four days later we were back at Petco with our receipt, the pink bird cage, and a makeshift shoebox-carrying crate for Winnie the Guinea.  'Twas not meant to be.

 And that's the story of Winnie the Guinea.

Now, it's time for me to go create a path of tuna treats. 

I don't know how I stand all the glamour around here.


Stephy said...

Oh my word. I am laughing out loud. A wooden spoon?? That is amazing.

I have a cat. I love her. But she has a mind of her own & a plan of her own! She won't even always take treats, the little stinker.

Also, I love your guinea story. A bird cage! Lovely.

Amber said...

This cracked me up!

Cats know if you're not a cat person, they're smart little beasts. Skip around with smiles, ribbons and bubbles and they'll see you're harmless.

Ok, maybe you don't have to go to that extreme, but don't be so nervous around it and it'll be loving you in no time!

Your story of Winnie reminded me of how I had hamsters in my college dorm room, although I didn't return either of them. One of them definitely went a little crazy in his later months...

Hooray for furbabies!

Sara said...

At least you aren't allergic to the animals you are watching! haha. I have a friend now watching two dogs for another friend's parents and she definitely did not grow up with a dog. But it's okay because the mom left her like 6 pages of notes. And she shared the fact that she would like to clone her oldest dog, but they don't always come back with the same personality and she wouldn't like a bad dog!

Fran said...

I love this post. Enough said.

I hope the cat sitting goes well :)

Sarah said...

You totally got me with the pilot's licence thing. I couldn't believe you didn't tell me!
You look so pretty posing with Winnie the guinea pig.I'm sorry it didn't work out with her, but I fully support your decision to buy a decoratively appropriate birdhouse for her. :)

♡ bAs said...

Hahaha oh my! Is it a mean cat? This story was too funny!! I laughed at several parts!

The Vintage Modern Bride said...

aww i'm sad for winnie the guinea! i have a guinea pig named cinnamon. i've had her for about 4 years now i'd say (maybe 5..who knows) and i love her! i'm sorry to hear about your crazy cat-sitting endeavors though. i hate cat sitting because i once cat-sat a cat that would hiss at me for doing ANYTHING (pouring it more food, cleaning out the water bowl, walking in or out of the house, cleaning out the litter box). never again will i cat-sit!

Jas said...

You bought a bird cage for a guinea pig. And you googled how to clean a litter box.

OH how this girl LOL'd!

Baby Sister said...

Haha. I hate cats too..mostly because I'm allergic, but also because they're so dirty... I hope the rest of your sitting was just as eventful, and yet more peaceful. :)

Steph said...

Haha I'm not a cat person either. Sneaky little things. Good luck!

Katie Marie said...

Haha! I LOVE your guinea pig story! I think we would be friends, when I read the return policy I was like, "thats genius! My roommates and I should get a pet for a month!" But after reading the rest of the story I'm a bit cautious...haha.

Crazy Shenanigans-JMO said...

Oh man! I've never been a cat person. I think I would have gagged.

Tony Van Helsing said...

I used to have Guinea Pig called Sammy. He would squeak when he heard my footsteps coming in the house but not for anyone else. Who would have thought they could tell different peoples footsteps?

robin @ our semi organic life said...

such a funny story!

Melissa Jo said...

You totally having me cracking up! I'm not a cat person either so I probably would have done the same thing.

Good to know about the PETCO return policy, and hilarious about Winnie. My roommates and I bought goldfish together and they lasted... oh a three months or so. Oops.

Kaylee said...

Your blog cracks me up! This entry reminded me of the time my college roommate and I did the same thing! She moved out, left me with Princess Chubs, and after multiple Dr. visits, realized I was allergic to g-pigs! Thanks for checkin' out my blog btw!

Ryan Adair said...

OMFG. Seriously Hilarious.

I am dogsitting right now, and I can. not. wait. to get back to my cat life. In the battle between cats and dogs, I'll take a beast that poops in a box any day..As for dogs, they are way.too.needy. (says the recluse)

Ryan @ Thismustbetheplaceryan