i bet cleopatra could afford any beauty treatment she wanted

First, I should start out this post by saying that our neighbor got a new hose.  And now I'm afraid she's discovered my blog.  But, her pool is filled and our yard isn't a lake, so I guess it all worked out in the end.


Matt texted me the other morning to tell me he had been in the elevator with the CEO of the giant company that he works for.

Those numbers shocked me because I work for a non-profit and am apparently a little out of touch with how much money business people can make.  There are no Ms where I work.  We are solidly in the G territory only.

But I am still willing to pay a price for beauty, and when I went to the dermatologist last week, she prescribed a lotion for my face to reduce a few scars I have.  She said something about peptides and how it rebuilds collagen, so I was ALL IN.  I know some people are all about natural products for your skin, and I get that, but I've struggled with my skin for a long time, so I can really get behind some potions and/or prescription medication.
In fact, last week Michelle texted me that she'd heard the secret to beautiful skin is Cleopatra's Choice Shea Butter, so she ordered herself a jar and was going to report back on the results.  I say if it's good enough for Cleopatra, it's good enough for me.

My prescription came in the mail yesterday and then, to continue on with the medical theme of the day, Matt and I sat down after dinner to look at my health insurance options because it's the least wonderful time of the year, open enrollment time.

Whomp, whomp.

(I've written this story on the blog before, but insurance is not my wheelhouse.  When I got my first job, I brought all my paperwork home to show my parents and excitedly shared with them that I could choose a cafeteria plan.  The reason I was excited about that was because I thought cafeteria meant lunch.  My dad broke the news that it's a type of healthcare plan and not a grilled cheese and carton of milk every day at noon.)

I tried to log in to the benefits website and kept getting an error message that my username and password were incorrect.  I did a search of my email inbox to see if I had the info saved in there.  I didn't find it, but what I did find was an email from the benefits website with a password reset every single June since 2012.

Nothing like a tradition.

As I worked on logging in, Matt said, "So, how much did you spend on medical expenses this year?"

He may as well have asked me how many blades of grass are in our yard.  I have no earthly idea.  Whenever I go to a doctor, I slide that insurance card across the counter and hope for the best, and then submit my receipts for reimbursement if I have to pay anything out of pocket. What I don't do is keep a running tally of all that in my head.

So, we pulled up the record of my expenses and it was like Great Grandma Laura moved in.

Turns out I've spent a lot of time (and money) this year at the podiatrist, dermatologist, and the dentist for a sweet night time mouth guard.  Matt said maybe we should just go ahead and add a line item to our budget for me to get my hair washed and curled every week like our grandmothers do because EVERYONE IS A COMEDIAN.

It's hard to predict what medical expenses this year will bring, but we did our best and then I went upstairs to wash my face and put on my new potion.  When I came back downstairs Matt gave me a kiss and quite literally got stuck to my face.

As it turns out, that stuff is like glue and I put on a liberal application.

"Umm, what is on your face?" he asked me.

"About $16.72 worth of magic," I told him.  

Although if it improves my collagen and peptides like I think it will, it's priceless.

I just hope it's covered by my new insurance.  If not, Matt might have to ask the CEO for a little bonus the next time he sees him in the elevator.


Rebecca Jo said…
First, can I say, you may impressed with the salary of hubby's big boss... I'm just impressed you all get insurance. My stupid work cut our insurance years ago & I have to go in the big scary world to find my own #itallsucks

You'll have to do a post on how that shea butter works.

& applauding the neighbor now has a hose & a new fun blog to read.
Amie said…
Insurance is one of the big reasons my job is great!! Considering what people have to pay for it these days I am so thankful for the great coverage and low price mine is and don't take it for granted.

Go Matt's boss!! Yay for the new water hose! haha
I am seriously thankful for insurance and that we have it and a pretty good plan, but I despise all that goes with it! It is so over my head. I never review my EOBs or anything. I know I totally should. And this whole post cracked me up! I can just envision his lips stuck to your face. Hahah!
Michelle said…
All of this is hilarious! I HATE insurance. We were forced onto Obamacare (you know I'm a conservative and I hated this with every fiber of my being) because James' work insurance was more than half his salary. We have had to find new doctors every year and sometimes switch mid-year because they stop taking our insurance. We get to go back on normal insurance with his new job and I'm so excited. James is always telling me how much things would cost without insurance and the amounts make me want to vomit.
Andrea Nine said…
I need some of the magic, lol! Thankful for insurance, sad for those without. Maybe someday Matt will be the big boss!
I seriously just smile reading each and every one of your posts. I actually used to sell life insurance (internship in college) but health insurance is way over my head as well. It used to be pretty simple/straight forward and I feel like every year is gets more and more complicated!
Cindy said…
This was so funny! I've read through a few posts and I was truly laughing out loud! Glad I found you! (Or actually, you found me.) :)
Adulthood and health insurance plans are no fun! It sounds like you have a pretty good plan though!
P!nky said…
Girl, I'd totally be all about your cafeteria plan. I mean, that's what I thought mine was too. And I suck at insurance and everything too. Guess who had to deal with two plans, twice this year?!?! ME!
I'll be patiently waiting for an update on the the face cream. My face could use any help it can get.
my husband has really good company insurance so the only thing that's capped are the 'flex' dollars - stuff for acupuncture, massage etc. That ceiling is pretty high as well (about $1200-1500). Things for prescriptions, dental etc are really good.
rooth said…
Isn't adulthood full of fun little things like that? I just started wearing daily sunscreen on my face again because I was getting yelled at by the ladies in the office. Sigh...
Rachel said…
We have to buy our own international health insurance because Angel's job doesn't have benefits...and girl...one of the things I miss most about our life in the USA was his hospital job because that was good insurance (how romantic!). Our insurance is more the type where you pay a hefty monthly premium PLUS you pay for anything your doctor charges you for yourself, so I don't really see the point, but having insurance is the responsible thing Americans must do according to the law. Perks of living abroad...
Holy guacamole, I wouldn't mind being that big boss :P

And as for healthcare, I don't know how you do it because I feel like private health insurance here is complicated enough - but in the US there is so much more to consider!
I hate dealing with insurances, picking new ones and all things medical. Ugh. I am a grandma too. Embrace it. I would love standing next to a big boss like that, but we don't have those at my job either.
Faith said…
When we still lived in NY I had amazing insurance so Sean was on mine. When we moved to PA and was unemployed for 7 months Sean put me on his. Since then I have no idea about anything about insurance. It's so nice to not have to be the one to deal with it, haha.

And yeah, taking care of the skin is no joke! I'll spend all my money if it meant I could up the collagen, lol.
Lizzie Simantz said…
I love coming to your blog and reading your hilarious stories! What is the stuff called you got from your dr? My skin is in need of some help and I'm asking the derm to hook me up next time I go in!