an excess of junk food, and fans

Matt and I went out to dinner on Friday night.  It was a beautiful night, and we sat outside and dined on organic, locally sourced cuisine.

Just kidding.

I had a drink called Mermaid Water, we started with an order of "junkyard fries" that had so much cheese and ranch dressing we had to eat them with a spoon, and then I decided to keep it light and ordered loaded nachos for my dinner.

It was delicious.

On Saturday, Matt walked outside to mow the lawn, and we discovered that we were basically living on waterfront property.  Our neighbor was filling her pool with her garden hose, but the part of the hose that was lying on the grass had sprung a leak, which she'd tried to repair with a band aid.

An actual band aid.  Meant for a paper cut.

She came outside to check on things, and Matt went over to talk to her.  She told him she didn't know why the pool was taking to long to fill, and he suggested the leaking hose.  She acted like that was crazy talk even though we could all clearly see the ineffective band aid, but she offered to turn the hose off anyway while Matt mowed the lawn.  He said he didn't mind, he was really just concerned that her water bill was going to be very high, and that our grass wouldn't dry out instantly even if she turned off the hose.

She still insisted she couldn't see the water ponding in our yard and Matt said, "The birds are swimming in it."

It brought back memories of the time we called the police a few years ago because our yard was a lake.  It was wintertime and we thought a neighbor's pipe had burst, but no one was answering their doors.  The police looked around and found out the hose was running at the house two doors up the street.

Also, speaking of calling the police for non-emergencies, my friend called me last week to tell me that she'd called the police because she heard someone yelling "Heeeelp, heeeelp," in the woods across the street from her house.  The police arrived and it turns out IT WAS A GOAT.

She's new to country living.

Last night we went up to bed and turned on our multitude of noise machines.  I kid you not, we sleep with the ceiling fan, a window fan, an oscillating fan, a small fan on the nightstand, a humidifier, and a white noise app set to the sounds of rain on a lake.

Amidst the cacophony, I thought I heard something else.  Finally, I said, "Matt, do you hear that?  I think I hear someone."

"Yeah," Matt said, "I brought the Amazon Alexa up.  I'm just playing a little Bad Company."

Nothing like a little Bad Company as you drift off to sleep.  But maybe tonight we won't even need the music or the white noise app, because it's raining and we now have our very own lake in the backyard.

Time to buy a boat.


Christina said…
So many things made me LOL! First, what is mermaid water? I keep seeing it on Instagram, but don't know what's actually in it. Second, a band-aid? That's something my kids would try to pull! Third, the goat!!!! I swear when my cats meow it sometimes sounds like "mom?" so I totally get it. Haha! Also, how scary to think that it really was a person yelling for help!
Lizzie Simantz said…
Oh my gosh you have some fun neighbors!! An actual band aid!?! I almost spit out my coffee LOL.
How do you have the funniest stories ever?! Lol. Your neighbor and her bandaid water hose...oy vey. Still laughing out loud about your friend calling the cops about the goat. Also...those fries, I need them.
Michelle said…
The goat story!!! That is hysterical!

James and I are the same with our fans! We have the AC on, an overhead fan, and a tower fan. And honestly I could use more. If he's snoring I turn on my white noise app.
Audrey Louise said…
Everything about this is hilarious but I think my favorite parts include the goat "calling for help" and the addition of Bad Company to your symphony of nighttime noises. Hahahaha.
I can't believe how much your backyard retains water! Dang!
rooth said…
We slept with the windows open in Michigan and I woke up at 6 am, telling B to turn off the birds because they were too loud :)
Ooh, lakefront property! I'd be jealous except for the fact that it's unintentional. Where do you get these neighbors? I can sympathize with your friend. Once when I was farm-sitting for my parents, I texted them while they were on vacation because a nearby cow was making the worst noise I've ever heard. My mom was like "oh she's just weaning." I was glad to know a cow wasn't being slowly tortured to death.
Faith said…
THE GOAT STORY! I laughed out loud. That would SO be me!!

And the band aid?! Who does that?!
Rebecca Jo said…
God help a person that really needs help in the woods now... someone will say, "that's just a goat"

Ohhh man... I would give anything to find out this lady's water bill
LOL at the band-aid to fix the hose! And I definitely need those fries and that mermaid water - YUM <3
Green Fashionista
Leslie said…
Oh my goodness, you crack me up! Also, Matt has the patience of Job for dealing with your neighbor. A bandaid?!
I am laughing at the goat story. That is too funny. And your neighbor repairing the hose with a bandaid. Ugh. People.
Sounds like there's never a dull moment at your house. :-)
I have missed reading your posts! They always make me laugh!
What is it with your neighbors and their hoses? Is her pool even filled up yet?! I laughed so hard at your friend calling the police because my husband and I want to get goats someday and now we're wondering if we'll be thinking someone's in trouble outside. Beautifully Candid
Erin LFF said…
A bandaid!? That is hilarious!! Like, cmon lady- you at least had to think duct tape might be a little more helpful?! And I'd really like some nachos for lunch now, thank you for that ;) We always have a fan on plus usually the fan in the bathroom going too so we can hear that, lol.. but you guys I think have everything covered!
P!nky said…
All that yummy food!!!
Kelly said…
Mermaid Water and Junkyard Fries? Sign me up. :-)
Ummm, your neighbour sounds... very... clever... :P

And that is too funny about your friend! Whilst we were staying in New Zealand we were glamping on this huge property that was right next to a goat farm and all you could hear was them calling out to each other and it really did sound like they were speaking, haha!

OMG a bandaid?! And I can totally see a goat kind of sounding like someone yelling help! That's too funny!
Erin Roberts said…
A bandaid!! Oh my gosh this made me laugh so hard! It sounds like something our old neighbors would have done. They were always highly entertaining!
A bandaid.

I can't.

And she can't see pooling water?

Maybe you need the Alexa and noise machines to keep you safe...
because she's clearly confused.

Drink some more mermaid water. I bet you could convince her you ARE a mermaid.
That might be entertaining.
Brianne said…
I NEED those fries in my life!
BLovedBoston said…
I have to sleep with noise - ceiling fan & dyson fan - drives my husband batty! xo, Biana -BlovedBoston