Five weeks ago I started taking paralegal classes at a university about thirty minutes from my house. I go twice a week, and I love it. If you need legal help, just call me up. I'm your girl.
Actually, now that I think about it, it might be a good idea to wait until August. When I am officially a paralegal and not just five weeks in and an expert on chapter 1 definitions and the occasional tort. But in August...totally call me.
Anyway, my classes are at night, which means I have to brave the rush hour traffic to get there. Now, there is a very good a reason that I wasn't a math major in college, and it may or may not have had something to do with advanced trigonometric functions. Or differential equations. Or, you know, algebra. I'LL NEVER TELL. I am, however, a whiz at basic multiplication, so I can tell you with confidence that I have driven at rush hour a whopping total of ten (or so) times. Obviously that makes me nothing less than a seasoned rush hour pro. And since I have ten 5 o'clock commutes under my belt, I feel that I am completely qualified to share a few observations and anecdotes with you. I will do so in an organized list format below because I am nothing if not methodical. Which you would think would be a trait that would help me with algebra. Being methodical. But alas, you would be wrong. Because once you throw in that crazy n variable I am a goner.
1-Yesterday was the definition of dreary around here. The air was humid and heavy and rain fell from the gray sky all day long. It was, as my dad would say, G-R-GROSS. Windshield wipers were going full speed on every car I passed on the highway as the rain poured down. I merged onto the highway and a sign up ahead with the words "CAUTION...CAUTION...CAUTION" flashing on it caught my eye. All sorts of possible rush hour dramas ran through my head while I waited for the screen to reveal what exactly it was we were supposed to be cautious of. The screen went black for a second and finally three words popped up. It read..."WET ROAD AHEAD."
Why, thank you for that incredibly timely alert, Pennsylvania Department of Transportation! The road is wet?! IMAGINE THAT! I've never heard of such a thing! It's pouring rain! Has been all day! And the road is wet! Up ahead! That's downright unexpected!
2- Cops are sneaky. I've never looked in my rearview mirror and seen those flashing lights due to the fact that I am a big time rule follower and stick to the speed limit like glue to paper. Or magnets to a fridge. Or a runaway, wrapperless starburst to the bottom of my purse. If I do ever get pulled over though, it's a dream of mine for the cop to say "You was goin' fifty five in a fifty fo..." all 50 Cent style. I have my quirks. I'll tell you what though. Those cops know where to hide.
3- One in every eight Pennsylvanians with a college degree is a Penn State graduate. I have never been more sure of that statistic than I am at this point in my life. It seems as though every single car I see has at least one piece of Penn State paraphenalia somewhere on it. Or at least one in every eight cars. Just goes to show you that we PSU grads are EVERYWHERE, and we are a MIGHTY PROUD bunch.
4- There is a lot of work being done on one of the roads I take to school. I don't understand the logistics but it has caused the shoulder to completely disappear and huge concrete barriers to take its place. Drivers in general do not like the barriers and slow wwwwaaaayyyy down as soon as they drive next to one. It's like they think that if they greatly reduce their speed, somehow the distance between their and the wall of concete will increase. I'll admit that I'm not a huge fan of the concrete barriers either, but since I am a SEASONED RUSH HOUR PRO I learned that I can avoid the concrete barriers and their personal space invasion by simply driving in the center lane. Ahh. The wisdom I have gained is immeasurable.
5- I had my first experience with a traffic "jam" last week. As I sat in my car on the highway-turned-parking-lot I decided it wasn't a jam I was in. I think of a jam as a funny little problem. Like, "uhoh, a starburst came unwrapped in my purse and melted and is now stuck all over my wallet! Oh my! What a jam!" Not that I have experience with these starburst issues. But let me tell you, there was nothing funny or little about the traffic last week. It was most certainly not a traffic jam. It was more along the lines of a COMPLETE AND TOTAL TRAFFIC CRISIS.
6- People who gab on the phone and get so lost in their conversation that they completely ignore the fact that they are operating a vehicle at an extremely high rate of speed surrounded by other cars drive. me. nuts.
The end. I probably could have thought of a #7 but I like to end on even numbers. They just feel round and complete to me. 7, not so much.
Perhaps my perceived personalities of certain numbers could explain some of my math issues.