Wednesday, May 4, 2011

we won't even be up this early for our own weddings

Well, Friday was the royal wedding.

Emily was the first one up in our family, and she was on the couch, DRESSED IN HER SCHOOL UNIFORM, with a cup of tea and a plate of scones by 4:05 am. 
Rosie was ready too.

Over the course of the next few hours we watched the real life fairy tale and I decided that when the day comes for me commit my life to the lucky guy, I’d like a red carpet, several trumpeters playing festive interludes, multiple receptions, and some sort of diamond tiara.  And if a title that includes “duchess of…” happens to be bestowed upon me as well, I certainly wouldn’t oppose.

I could write for days about the wedding but I’ll summarize with I. LOVED. IT.

On Saturday night Michelle and I went to Chili’s after dinner because my mom had given me a gift card for us to use, plus we had a LOT of royal wedding details to analyze.  We spent the next few hours talking about William and Kate and OH HOW WE WISH WE WERE ROYALTY. 

Then we got our bill. 

The total was $8.40. 

And we paid with a gift card. 

Not the most royal move in the book.

On Sunday my sister was in a parade in our town, so my mom and I went to watch her.  She was walking with a group from our library and asked me if I wanted to join them, and for a split second I did consider it because hello, it was the perfect opportunity for me to practice my princess wave for an audience. 

I used to practice my princess wave when I was little and my mom would score me on a 1-10 scale.  I would do it over.  And over.  And as an added twist sometimes I would try to perform the regal wave and slide down the sliding board AT THE VERY SAME TIME because I was always up for a challenge.  I was seriously considering showcasing my princess wave skillz on Sunday because they have been YEARS in the making, but then Emily told me that in order to walk with the library gang you had to dress as your favorite book character, and I can’t imagine anything I’d want to do less than march down the road in a parade dressed as Anne of Green Gables. 

Despite my attempts to avoid embarrassment at the parade, it managed to find me as I sat under a shady tree along the route.  I will share about that in a moment, but first, a little back story. 

I love restaurants because they are a beautiful combination of two of my favorite things…eating and being waited on.  However, I was given a children’s menu at nearly every restaurant I visited even when I was WELL PAST the typical age twelve cutoff, and it became sort of a joke in my family.  And let me tell you, there are few things more embarrassing to a sixteen year old than when you are able to drive yourself to a restaurant, yet look like you should still receive the kid’s menu and a mini pack of crayons to keep yourself occupied while you wait for your grilled cheese.

In fact, my parents took my sister and me to a dude ranch in upstate New York for a week one summer.  My brother couldn’t come because he had already left for college, which meant that I was seventeen, aka a big, bad, cool senior in high school.  There was a dining room/restaurant where guests would go for every meal, complete with servers and a lengthy dessert menu.  Guess who got a kid’s menu AT EVERY MEAL.  That’s right.  Seventeen year old me. 

That was the same vacation that sponsored a daily game of family bingo.  Winners got a ten dollar certificate to the gift shop, but the catch was that instead of shouting bingo when you won, you had to neigh like a horse.

Oh how clever.

I may or may not have perfected the horse neighing sound effect prior to the trip, but in either case I NEVER, EVER expected to have to do it in public, especially when I was seventeen and TOTALLY MATURE AND COOL.

Well, pride, it cometh before a fall. 

Guess who won bingo. 

Before I knew it, there I was neighing like a horse in front of forty strangers so I could go get some decorative ceramic cowboy boots at the gift shop and be back at the dining room in time to eat my chicken fingers for dinner and drink my milk from a cup with a lid and a straw that changed colors.

It really was a very fun vacation and for some reason when I think back on it I remember a lot of funny things, like the fact that Emily, who was the main reason for us going because she LIVED AND BREATHED horses, was more interested in the wooden horse in the lobby of the lodge than any real horse at the ranch.  

Anyway the point of all that was to say that at the parade, an employee from TD was running up and down the sidewalk giving bags to children with a pencil and folder inside and a pamphlet about TD’s kid’s program, TD Bank WOW ZONE. 

Guess who got a bag.

I wanted to tell the cheerful, green clad employee that I am a 22 year old COLLEGE GRADUATE WHO IS GETTING A HARSH REALITY CHECK ABOUT THE VALUE OF A DOLLAR, so maybe your snazzy pencil and folder would have been relevant, oh, A DECADE OR SO AGO.

When they gave it to me my mom even said, “Wow, Laura, how old do they think you are?”

The answer to that is NOT OLD ENOUGH.  Everyone says that one day I’ll be happy when people think I’m younger than I am and I’m waiting for the day.

In the meantime I’ll just practice my princess wave in case one day I have to wave for hours and hours at my very fancy wedding if pull a Kate Middleton and I marry into the royal family.  I bet the queen never has to worry about restaurant menus.

Or, for that matter, her bank account. 


Dree said...

Love this post! The royal wedding was magical, and I'm with you - getting a title like Duchess would sound good to me. Hilarious that you got a bag, but at least you got something free, right? That's how I think!

Caitlin said...

Hahaha hilarious!

Watching the royal wedding made me feel like being royalty for awhile, but then I realized that with all the glitz and glamor comes a lot of difficulty...never having a moment to yourself without papparazzi, never not being compared to your dead mother-in-law, etc. Not to mention if you look at most marriages in the royal family, they end in royal divorce (with the exception of the queen, and William, so far). Like, almost universal. I really hope they break the mold! I feel really bad for William especially, who was born into this and will have to deal with it for the rest of his life. Le sigh.

Regardless, never having to work and being able to travel where you want when you want does sound enticing...

stephanie said...

i pretty much just love you, laura.

Anonymous said...

Come on, you know the guy from the bank just wanted an excuse to talk to the hot chick under the tree. Maybe you should have chatted him up a little, after all, he was a banker and he has a job. There are worse things . . .

Crazy Shenanigans-JMO said...

Watching the wedding was so great but at the same time it made me wish I had all of those fabulous things.

Things to Do said...

I'm pretty sure Duchess Kate would love Chili's. I mean they have unlimited chips AND salsa. What is not to love?

lalalalauren said...

You never cease to crack me up.

My favorite part of this post is definitely the dog in royal wedding attire. So, so good.

GBR1980 said...

You keep practicing that wave girl, you will get your princess day eventually. Love that you wanted to walk in the parade, I soooo would have thought about it too!

Anna Olivia said...

The royal wedding was epic! What a real-life dream. <3

Amanda said...

Fantastical post! I can't believe you were up at 4AM?! I don't know a lot of people who got up to watch the whole thing, but props to you! I value my beauty sleep too much, but I was also not wedding obsessed.

Baby Sister said...

You are more dedicated than I. I just recorded the wedding. It was still amazing though. :) I wish I could get the duchess title as well...