Tuesday, January 24, 2017

we need a peephole. and a no soliciting sign.

Well, here I am with a thrilling report on the winter weather in southeastern Pennsylvania.  We haven't had much snow or bitter cold, but what we have had is a ton of rain and gray skies for weeks on end.

The past few days have been especially rainy, and I'm currently looking out at a pool of standing water in our backyard thanks to poor drainage.  It's not quite as bad (yet) as the Presidents' Day Flood of 2016, which necessitated a call to the police department.

Anyway, a few weeks ago it poured all weekend.  When there was finally a break in the deluge, Matt went out to the chicken coop in the back of our yard because it appeared from the kitchen window there might have been a slight flood.

While he was out back, the doorbell rang.  I answered because I thought it might be a neighbor in need of storm-related help.  Because don't your neighbors walk to your house and ring your doorbell during a rainstorm?

Mine never have, but there's a first time for everything.

It turns out that it was not a neighbor, but a Verizon sales rep who wanted to inform me that Verizon lines were recently installed in our neighborhood and would I like to sign up for Fios?  The conversation felt like a full circle moment, because last year when Verizon started their installation process, I called the police department because of a suspicious low-hanging wire.

We canceled our Comcast cable last year, and haven't really missed it, but we'd seen  few commercials for Verizon Fios and casually talked about trying it.  I told the sales rep that I wanted to talk to my husband before I signed up for anything.  He asked if he was home, and I said yes, but that he was very busy out in the backyard.

The man stood there, in the driving rain, and looked at me like I was crazy.  I was almost positive he was thinking, "Wow, that's a lame and truly unbelievable response."

So, because I'm an over-explainer and was feeling judged by his suspicious look, I said, "He really is out in the backyard.  He's back there because we have chickens.  And he had to check on the coop in all this rain and wind.  And anyway we don't even have cable right now so we aren't in a rush to sign up."

He cautiously stepped away.

I should have told him I had to get back to my butter churning.

Fast forward to yesterday, another day of downpours.  After work, Matt got dressed in his waterproof full body camo hunting gear and went out back to "check on the yard."  

And as soon as he walked outside, the doorbell rang.

I answered it because AGAIN, what if it was a neighbor experiencing storm-related distress, but this time it was two salesmen from, ironically, a solar panel company.  They told me I looked young to be the homeowner and I was so flattered that I listened to the first few minutes of their spiel about a federal mandate and no cost to the homeowner and blah blah blah, and then they started asking the hard hitting questions.

Questions like do we receive our bills electronically or on paper, and how many kilowatt hours of power do we use monthly?

Well, I haven't the foggiest.

I told them Matt pays the bill and would know all of our stats, and they asked if he had a moment to talk.  I said he was busy in the backyard but I'd pass along their information.  And then again, because I over-explain and who hangs out in the backyard in the rain, I said, "I know it's really rainy out, but he's outside because we have chickens and a poor drainage, so he's checking on things."

One of the guys asked if he could look in the yard to see if he could see him, and I told him to be my guest.  He peeked around the side of the house and then said, "Are you sure he's back there? I don't see anyone!"

Well, sir, what I didn't mention was that he is dressed completely in camouflage.

Which I guess is working.

Then the guys thought I was really nuts and lying about my husband being in the backyard during a rainstorm, so I told them I'd look for him.  I ran to the dining room so I could simultaneously look out the kitchen window while keeping an eye on the front door and making sure the men didn't come inside and make a break for my jewelry box in a tricky heist.

But I peeked out that window to see if I could see Matt, and there he was, in the pouring rain, in all his camouflaged glory, HOLDING A SHOVEL AND DIGGING A GIANT HOLE NEXT TO OUR SHED.

I couldn't tell the salesmen that I found him digging a hole, because I thought they might end up calling the police on us.

So I just told them we wouldn't be making a decision on solar panels today, also, IT HAS RAINED FOR A THOUSAND DAYS SO I'M NOT QUITE READY TO RELY SOLELY ON THE SUNSHINE TO POWER MY LIFE.

When Matt came inside I filled him in on the solar panel visitors and questioned why in the world he was digging a hole?  He said water was starting to collect under his shed so he constructed a makeshift trench.

Of course.

All I have to say is the next time it rains, I am not answering the door. 

Unless it's someone selling backyard drainage systems.


Rachel Emily said...

Omg, this is hilarious! Sales people at my door actually make me angry (and terrified because I watch too much crime tv). Once when I was pregnant and napping a home security guy came by and convinced my husband to let him COME INSIDE OUR HOUSE AND SIT ON OUR COUCH while he pitched him. I was furious (and sure he was going to kill us).

Michelle said...

This is too funny! It's been raining for weeks on end here too, and as someone who usually loves rain, I'm starting to lose my mind.

Faith said...

I can't believe how much it has rained ... I'll take it over snow so won't complain too much.

Hilarious ... I wonder what they would have done had they seen him digging the hole.

K @ Keeping Up With K... said...

I live in Canada so rain in January is pretty much unheard of but I was in Minnesota over the weekend and it rained off and on the whole time - I was totally unprepared for rain in January! Packing for trips is already hard enough and now I have to add a raincoat and boots to my suitcases - ugh!

Sara Blinder said...

We don't have chickens in the backyard, but I can still see a similar situation unfolding here. I am a total over explainer too.

Leigh said...

Haha that's hilarious! Why don't door to door sales people take your word? That drives me bonkers. The worst was I had one who wouldn't leave when I clearly wasn't interested and I was in the middle of cooking dinner so it burned. I was so mad!

Amie said...

Now this is good stuff!!haha Hilarious!

Julie said...

We moved into our house back in May and that summer we had so many people come to the door. I, however, never answer, I run to the spare bedroom and look to see if I know the person. I had to even start locking the storm door because they would open that and knock or try the door. I was like I'm good!

rooth said...

As a person who can get "seasonal depression" after three days without sunlight, I don't know how you people up north handle the winters. And you definitely need a peephole, as much as I enjoy laughing at your stories

Beka @ Sunshine to the Square Inch said...

I hope the drainage issues get fixed! Those stress me out.

That is so weird that sales people come to your door. I think we have had one sales person in 9 months. ANd how hilarious that they came on a rainy day. ha ha!

Mary Leigh said...

So funny! We need a peep hole, too! I never think about it until I'm stuck outside talking to a salesperson who I thought might be a neighbor when the bell rang. :)

Leslie said...

Lol, you are so more patient than I am! Also, now definitely doesn't sound like the time to switch over to solar power...maybe hydro!

Kelsey @ So Much Life said...

Hahaha! How hilarious/ridiculous/annoying! Funny story for sure, though :)

All of your photos are seriously STUNNING, by the way!

Mattie @ Northwest Native said...

I think we're really similar in our attitudes toward solicitors. I always feel this need to be super polite and nice and sound interested even if I'm not AT ALL. Annnd our door doesn't have a window or peephole or anything so I'm always going in blind too. It's rough.

Jen Mc said...

UGH - salespeople. They can be relentless, too.
Have a good weekend - hoping for sunshine soon.

Kayla MKOY said...

LOL! You poor thing. I honestly cannot believe he said "can I look in your backyard?!" Ummmm NO! Crazy person! I cannot stand those door to door salesman. We had one come to our door to ask about our energy costs and crazy questions that I'm like ?? I have no idea. No, we like our energy company. PLEASE GO AWAY lol!! Just hide next time ;)

Rachel said...

hahahaha! Man...I don't think I'd be that great at talking to strangers at my door. It's scary enough when fix-it people stop by, and we had a lot of those after the major leaking from our apartment complex's roof into our apartment last year.
When we lived in Michigan I was occasionally known to hide if I was home alone and strangers knocked on the door. Who knows who they might be? Probably normal people with some reason for stopping at a lonely house on a country lane but who knows...

Brianne said...

You crack me up. I'm an over-explainer too lol.

Corie M said...

The snow isn't even the hardest part about winter for me, it's the absence of sunshine for days on end :( I'm ready for Spring & sun!

Claudia Justalittleblush said...

Oh my goodness, I never answer the door unless I am expecting someone after several unpleasant encounters with salespeople! We actually ended up getting a security camera and we can watch it live on our phones. So, if anyone knocks, I check my phone first hehe

Jenny Evans said...

Do you know what happened when WE tried to upgrade to FIOS? They canceled our existing service, went outside, and then told us it was too frozen to dig (it was February, but we figured that if they were offering to do it then they must know better, right?)

We asked, "Can we have our old service back, then?"

They told us we'd have to sign up as if we were new customers and wait 3-4 days to get hooked up again!

Now THAT is living in the dark ages with a butter churn (really, since I didn't have a cell phone and our house phone was also out because it's a VOIP connection that runs through the Internet!)

Carly Blogs Here said...

Oh my goshh! I never answer the door, but had a mini panic attack one afternoon over a direct tv sales person who kept banging on the door and then kept looking up in the windows as he was walking away and I totally wished we had one of those signs.