Tuesday, March 22, 2011

maybe i should frame it

It’s almost a rite of passage for every college student to get mono.  It’s not a question of if you will get it, it’s just a question of when.  That’s not at all surprising because college is a bit like living in a giant petri dish with not nearly enough sleep and a great deal of beverage sharing.  Plus, let’s face it, it's college and mono isn't called the kissing disease for nothing.  KIDDING!  Just a little infectious disease humor!

Well.  A few days before Thanksgiving break my sophomore year, my eyes transformed into very, very swollen, puffy little slits.  It was so bad that even some very liberal applications of Garnier Anti Puff Eye Roller Serum couldn’t help me.  And when G.A.P.E.R.S. can’t help, you know it’s bad.  I chose not to go to the university health center because, as I told my mom, "they will just tell me I have mono."  The health center was a joke around campus because no matter what symptoms you walked in with, you walked out with a diagnosis of mono.  Stomach pain?  Mono.  Toothache?  Mono.  Broken arm?  DEFINITELY MONO.       

I arrived home for Thanksgiving break a few days later and went to the doctor first thing so I could get a diagnosis of NOT MONO.  At the time I still went to the pediatrician, because it’s a hassle to switch medical records, plus I wasn’t quite ready to give up the post appointment lollipop/sticker combo.  And honestly, at that point, I just wanted someone who could provide me with large amounts of steroids.  Looking back, I should have just called some of my major league baseball friends.  JUST KIDDING.

Turns out the doctor diagnosed me with mono before she even had two feet in the room.  I spent the next seven days lying in bed convinced that I could not possibly feel any worse and wondering if perhaps the doctor misdiagnosed me and I had a terrible case of YOU'RE A GONER.  I'll admit that I have a flair for the dramatic, but truthfully I have never, ever been sicker than I was that week.

However, this past weekend my sister reminded me of the most painful memory from my mono ordeal.  She was writing a paper for school on Sunday afternoon and I let her borrow my all time favorite book from my all time favorite college class, Writing Creative Nonfiction.
I'm not sure that a blog about my love for Flo Rida, Sonic tater tots, and trips to WalMart was what exactly what Mr. Zinsser had in mind when he wrote this book, but it's brilliant nonetheless.

And look what Emily found inside when she opened it up...
My doctor's note.  The colorful, childish doctor's note, with a happy little turtle carrying cheerful balloons and wearing a pink hair bow and a darling heart locket that I had to present to my COLLEGE. PROFESSORS.

When the nurse handed me this note I died a thousand deaths right there in the doctor's office.  I could think of nothing more embarrassing than presenting my lovely pastel doctor's note to my professors.
And, as if the walking, blue-eyed turtle, the balloons, and the pastel color scheme weren't bad enough, there was a section for recess.


I was nineteen years old.

I showed this note to all five of my professors that semester.

They laughed.

And now I go to a family doctor.

Lesson.  Learned.


Chloe said...

That turtle is cute! haha
So funny!! Loved this post!!
My husband had mono some years ago, and he was in bed for 2 MONTHS!! I thought he was going to die. Or sort of.
I was really worried.

Michelle said...

How funny!!!! I love the whole "Toothache? Mono!" scenario....Cracking up over here!! Have a good Wednesday!

Mrs. K said...

My college clinic thought everything was "gas". Really helpful. lol

Teenage Bride said...

too funny!!! thank you so much for the much needed laugh

stephanieamber said...

please frame it... because that is AWESOME.

AubreyMo said...

"I had a terrible case of YOU'RE A GONER." I had that too - only mine wasn't mono but it's nasty sister, tonsillitis. After getting sick repeatedly I finally found a doctor willing to cut and burn those nasty tonsils out!

RECESS?! Are you kidding me I totally would have had them check that and specify that I required frequent breaks. I'm all about resting ;)

j5_hope said...

haha, this is hilarious. it made me laugh out loud, literally. :)

Holli said...

LOL!!!! That's hilarious!!

Crazy Shenanigans said...

Haha! I love that. The recess part is the best! I say frame that bad boy and keep ahold of it!

Things to Do said...

I totally am going to have to read that book. And I laughed out loud at seeing that note. I want all my medical records to incorporate turtles from now on!

Domestically Deficient said...

Oh recess! If only work have morning and afternoon recess...

Kier said...

lovvvve your blog!!! <3

GreenGirl said...

I wish there was a box for extra naptime...I would be all over that!

Vanessa said...

This is HILARIOUS! How funny. Colleges area petri dish. Luckily I have yet to catch Mono and I'm hoping my last 46 days (!!!!!) before graduation are mono-free!!

Baby Sister said...

Mono is the pits. I had it, and don't ever want it again. That book, however, I would love to own!!

Anonymous said...

Also known as eczema, this skin condition may appear or worsen
during pregnancy. If you carefully read all of the directions
on the package, you can freeze off your skin tags without feeling any pain and they'll be quickly eliminated. The brown-slatted background in the image above really isn't part of the technique I
was trying to demonstrate here.

my blog post; http://cheyne.net/

Anonymous said...

Hello, I enjoy reading through your article post. I like to write
a little comment to support you.

my web-site ... HCG Diet Plan

Anonymous said...

Discover more useful information regarding the advantages of purchasing
a foam topper cover and the right way to purchase a top quality memory foam topper cover.
It contains natural floral scents and is extremely effective against
Bed Bugs, especially when used in conjunction
with Bed Bugs Mattress & Pillow Covers. In a nutshell, when designing a sustainable vegetable garden, you take the
garden's impact on the surrounding ecosystem into account and work to have an overall positive impact.

Also visit my weblog how to get rid of bed bugs yourself ()

Anonymous said...

Fruit flies will also congregate in garbage cans around organic refuse like
apple cores and banana peels. These can be used for two things, to prevent bed bugs ever getting into you mattress or box spring should you be unfortunate enough to have a second infestation.
This is also the period when all animal denizens
are quite busy scavenging for food, while others give birth to
their offspring.

Review my website ... fruit flies how to get rid of them

Anonymous said...

But, once more, you can uncover these domain investigation resources by carrying out a easy Google investigation this sort of as
"bulk domain search". To do this, first select one of the Hotspot
tools from the Pictures toolbar. There are
many tools available for developing basic websites for beginner.

Here is my weblog :: how to make a website for free for kids

Anonymous said...

Hey there! I've been following your web site for a while now and finally got the courage to go ahead and give you a shout out from Huffman Tx! Just wanted to tell you keep up the fantastic work!

my weblog - insurance companies in the united states ()

Anonymous said...

which offers further advice and includes information on Bug Bombs as another method of
control. How to get rid of bed bugs Naturally - To get rid of bed bugs naturally, you need to follow every one of these steps - precisely
and properly. The specialist will choose the solution that best
suits your situation.

Anonymous said...

Pretty section of сontent. I just stumbled uρon your blog and in accеsѕion cаpital to aѕsеrt that Ι get actually
enjoyed account yоur blog postѕ.
Any way I'll be subscribing to your augment and even I achievement you access consistently fast.

my page ... how to get rid of acne scars fast at home

Anonymous said...

Ӏ аm ѕuгe this pаrаgraph hаѕ tοuched all the іnternеt userѕ,
itѕ гeallу reаlly nice paгagraph on building up
new website.

My blog post: short hairstyles for women